Breathe Deeply - Comments

This was pretty good! I liked the content, but to be honest, some of the wording didn't flow, but that was the only off putting part about it. I plan to subscribe and see what comes next!

(sorry if that didn't make a lot of sense. I'm french, and English isn't my first language. xP))

The story line should be very interesting once it develops a bit more (: I will subscribe to this because I'm interested to see what you do with the forest and the boys! I love your writing style I have nothing in mind for you to work on other than writing more more more!!!

First chapter. Very, very intriguing. I may just be back to read more of this. The contrast between the calming beach and the ominous forest was wonderfully done and thought out. You put it on paper in a great way! The lights dancing across the sky, that was a beautiful piece of description and writing. I just could see it so well. It was description that I actually read. Sometimes I skip over a bunch of description, because I just want to know the story, but your description made me want to read it. It was so beautiful and really seemed important to the plot. You did a lovely job and as I said, I will probably be back to read more in the future. Keep on writing!

I only read the first chapter, but I really like your writing style! You describe everythig so well, and add more descriptions in just the right places. The end was really awesome as well, it added a nice amount of mystery to an otherwise simple chapter.

Some of your sentences were a little choppy though, so I'd just watch that. Other than that, you're doing a lovely job! :)

Oooh, I liked this! Your writing style is the kind I like to see in books and makes it really easy to read. Also, at the end of the second chapter it makes you want to read the next chapter and the next and the next and the next... you get where I'm going with this right? Anyway, overall it was very good. I didn't spot any grammical errors (is that even a word?) so your all in the clear. Keep it up and happy writing! :3

In a way I really did like this, but the writing isn't as good as I sense it could be. Okay, I sound like a rotten bitch. Sorry, I don't mean to. But I don't feel the story enough. You know? Maybe when you write more and get into the whole plot I'll be able to understand it and grow to understand it.

But that doesn't mean that I don't like this story, or the way that you wrote it. It's just that it isn't full enough for me. It's a bit lifeless in the way that it needs more fat and skin to add to it so it can be a functioning thing that people will love and enjoy. I do love your writing style, however. It's soft and simple and I love that in writing.

Don't take this in a bad way. Just trying to help. (:
Have a beautiful day.

Okay, so I'm not loving the layout a whole lot, but the writing is bloody amazing. The summary is short and sweet, but it pulled me in instantly. The first chapter was actually gorgeous; I loved the details that you used, especially this: The air whispered around her as she sat on the cold rock, overlooking the waves. I love it when stories start out all calm and nice like that. Now I'm curious to know what makes her scared of the forest. O: Onto chapter 2. First of all, I love the name Taelyn. It's so original! And I'm totally jealous that her school is by the beach. I could only dream of that :( And in this chapter, I'm curious to know why she's scared of bubbles. And why did she have her dad killed!? D: Man, this story is making me sound like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, bahaha! Anyways, I'll be back to check out the rest in a bit (: Lovely job! <3

First off- I love the layout. Usually I don't have much of an opinion on them, but this one just... delights me :D
I think Taelyn is a very interesting person. Obviously I want to read more, as I want to know just what happened with her father- and the forest, and the bubbles. At first I couldn't quite figure out how old Taelyn was. I thought she was a little girl, but now I'm guessing she's in Jr. High? I like that I can guess that because you've given clues- such as the lockers, the sine law, and the growing pains. They're like subtle hints of an introduction without being so "by the book."
Your descriptions are very nice. Things like the mud she stepped in stuck out to me, which says a lot about your writing. I'll subscribe and hopefully get to read more :)

I really like this, very well written and descriptive. Plus, I really like the character names.

Layout is plain and simple, nice. I'm subbing.

I liked the description. It's short and gves no clue of the storie's plot, but I prefer that over a detailed layout of each chapter.
Also, it's a positive start, which is interesting. Usually, people write of a not so positive start, or if they do, they write of something bad that's going to happen.
So, let's see..

The air whispered around her as she sat on the cold rock...
With that, I already knew she was at the beach. That's a very good description of how most people would recall the beach.

...the chipped blue doors ...
I think this kind of detail makes a story. It helps to paint that mental image.

She spotted her friend waving her over a few feet away from her.
The only criticism I have, really, is that when I pictured this, I would have thought her friend would have been more than a few feet away and waving. But that's just me being picky ^_^

I actually really liked this :) You have a talent with fitting in the right amount of detail into a scene. Also, the things about the forest and the bubbles, and then her dad, make me want to know what happened to this otherwise happy enough girl.

First off, I love the layout because it's leaves and everything, and they're associated with nature which I think the title goes with.
Anyho, first chapter. I loved the opening! And it's a slight mystery as to why she doesn't like forests.
Then the second chapter, the playing with bubbles bit was really cute! <3 And I really like her name, and the shorten down one of Tae. It's cute. And the ending made me really want to know whether how her father was killed is linked to her dislike of forests!
this is really good. :3

Amazing details, of course. I love your nature descriptions. Bubbles! I'm like the fish from Nemo with Bubbles. How can she not like Bubbles? It's like, a crime. It's like saying she hates childhood! (ohh....) Anyway, I digress...Poor Daddy, shame he done got killed. Good job. From what I normally read, short normally = not so good, but you have a way of keeping things short and sweet and nice.

2

Oh man, oh man, oh man. First, you had me shocked with amazing detail, as always. Then, you throw that big whammy at me that this character Tae doesn't like bubbles? ldjfkdjfk. Amazes me. I thought everyone loved bubbles? </3 And thirdly, the way you ended this chapter? It has me on the edge of my seat and wanting to know more. She had her father killed? D: Ohmyohmyohmy. I have to read the next update. <3 I do believe I'm hooked on this. :) Amazing job so far.

Even thought this was short, it was really mellow and descriptive.

as the remaining day slowly started to drain into darkness, the light glittering over the water. I don't even know what to say about that part. It was really undeniably beautiful. Descriptive, yet simple and not over-doing it.

o: what happened in the forest?
i'm super-curious.

I bet it was....

SCARY

This was short, I'm almost upset. I really enjoyed it. :3

The air whispered around her as she sat on the cold rock, overlooking the waves. I love stories that open with mention of the environment. It's really nice to read, and always a lovely way to set the tone. I don't really like the use of 'whispered' though, I think it's mainly a personal preference though. Leave it, I'm a picky little thing.

I love how well the emotion conveys with this. I can feel myself beginning to unwind and then bam! punch to the gut - she has a fear. It was executed well, I loved the sudden change, and the way it changed the pace so subtly. I think again, the only other thing I have to add is a suggestion to vary your sentence starters. It's such a flow-kill and really damages good writing, which yours most definitely is.

I really like this, it's nice. I'm interested to see what is going to happen consider how open the whole thing still is. Loved this, lots. <3

This ws short but the emotion packed into it was splendid :)
I would love to read more because I wanna see where this is going :)
The details were exquisite and the opening sentence drew me in <3
I can't say much about the layout but I guess it fit :\ I don't know xD
Great job :) <33
Update soon!

This is really, really nice. I love the detail and emotion you put into this. <3 I'm curious if there's going to be more? o: <3 I wanna know why she hates that forest. Regardless, I love how mellow she is. :) <3 I think you did an amazing job so far. (:

It's short, but it's really good and well written.