Veering Off the Path of Sanity - Comments

... You guys need to update >.> ......

This was good. I like the setting and the grimness to it. The only thing bugging me is that it's written in first person point of view. I think it would be better in third person point of view. Here's why: Your story is grim. There's a girl being held hostage by a mad man, but for some reason she finds pleasure in making him angry and teasing him. It almost seems like she's enjoying the situation, in some twisted sort of way. I think you would be able to do a lot more if you wrote it in third person, it would create a sort of distance from the situation and make it even more twisted. Also, and this is just a stupid little detail; when you sleep, you rarely realize that you're asleep. If you realize you're asleep you wake up.

But it's really nice and I like it a lot. I'll subscribe.

This is really good, and sad :/

amazing mikalah you are so very talented

Well first thing is first, I love the layout, and I believe it fits the story PERFECTLY :)

On to the actualy story. I must say rape stories make me cringe. I write some too, and yes, I cringe at my own writing. This is interesting. It really is. She knows how far she can go without making him snap any more than he already has. Your writing is flawless, so you and your editor GREAT job :) This is a different take on any rape story that I have read and it has greatly caught my attention :) I am always looking for something new and interesting to read and this falls under that category :) Amazing work for the type of story it is anyway, and I really do look forward to reading more :)

This was amazing. I liked the way Jennifer had gotten used to it, and was just all nonchalant. It was amazing, and I cant wait for the next chapter(:

I'm not such a big fan of rape stories, or sex slave stories so I'm going to try to be patient with my comment. You're descriptions are great, and I like how you could incorporate emotion and description into this one chapter. It's not such an easy thing to pull off and you did it well. Your layout sort of said it all - the whole sex slavery theme and everything but I thought that the red blood splattered background didn't quite match the banner. Just a thought - you really don't have to take it in.

This was great .
I liked the layout, and was really fond of the picture I thought it matched pretty well .
The flow of the words was also pretty good.

I really loved Jennifer's personality, she was defiant, bitter, and sarcastic, even a bit of a bitch.
I loved how she fought back against Brandon. Hell, I liked this a lot.

I found one error though, I thought I'd point it out.

He bent down hi his body was only inches..." when you wrote that, it says ..hi his..." that "hi" should not be there .(:

Other than that, great job(:

I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I just thought it was going to be a rape scene and done. So, I was happy that it wasn't. I'm not one for rape stories, bleh. Haha, anyway, it was a pleasant surprise that she got sassy with him. Brendan seems to be... I guess hiding a bit of something? But I guess every character in a story is.
Good job(:

I love it, keep writing it! I want to read more from this amazing writer! It sounds really good and I want to read more. <3

While I'm not much for rape stories, this one caught my interest in the sense of what Jen's personality is like (or what I can see of it). I LOVE how Jen sorta "fought back" when Brendon came downstairs and hit her. It's quite different then a lot of stories, and I guess it makes sense in a way; if one were to deal with this for so long, they're bound to grow strong from it and...yeah.

My only suggestion is not to use so many "..." because it can, in a way, weaken writing. But other than that, this looks like quite the interesting story! :D Good luck with it!! :)