The End Where I Begin - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About It contest.

Man, I was really hoping that the end would be happier but it just kept getting worse and worse and then it ended and nothing was okay. I really liked the progression of the story and how we got to see how Mike was coping with everything that was happening. Or not coping, I guess. I also really liked how he just kept trying to justify what he did with that one sentence, and how it almost took on a bit of a different meaning with the ending of each section. It tied everything together really nicely and kept a nice flow to the chapter.

Speaking of flow, though, I'm not sure how I feel about the thoughts (I think) being in brackets. It helped give the reader a bit more insight into what the characters were thinking, but it also felt like it made the chapter feel a bit choppy. I think there may have been some other ways to add those thoughts in without the brackets to make everything read a bit more smoothly while still giving the readers all the information you wanted them to have.

Thanks for entering!

First off, I’m a sucker for sob stories. I read them, I write them, I live them. This one is no different. Right from the very beginning, you made my heart ache. Throughout the actual break up scene, I was literally tearing up. WHY WHY WHYYYYY!?!? I was literally just begging the screen (AKA Mike) not to break up with that poor, sweet, darling boy. :( It didn’t work. But, as you progressed with how Mike “moved on” with his life, I was glad to see some funny parts here and there. It fit so well to make me laugh in a oneshot that originally had me bawling my eyes out. I love soooo much how Mike keeps trying to tell himself that he did the right thing, but he doesn’t really believe it. My insides are twisting again. I’m seriously crying over this. And I was thinking that maybe, maybe in the end you’d have them get back together, but I knew that if you did it would be terrible and just ruin – no, not ruin, but mess up – the entire thing. :(((((((((((( Ahhhh, I’m crying so hard right now.

I know I said that the witch oneshot was my favorite, but it has again been replaced. I’m subscribing to this one so I can cry over it again sometime in the near future.

<3 Haven

Wow, so this was really powerful. Like, no joke; I really loved the emotion in this.
There was so much emotion from both of them and it was just permeating the entire story.
The intensity of their relationship, their breakup and their anguish was really obvious, and I love that.
Stupid Mike, I swear he needs a good slapping. But of course, Joe already punched him. I say he needs another one.
How dumb can he be, honestly? To think that Kevin would leave him and leaving him first because he didn't want to go through with it. I mean, he basically did just that anyways, so why do it at all?
D'ah, you can tell I got into this, because my comment is furious. But furious in a good way.
This was really awesome.

Oh my god.
Kill me, why don't you!

Ahh man, I wasn't expecting something like this. Nothing bad. I really liked it.
Bonus for using Mike Cardan. :D
Really great idea. You did an awesome job.