The Words You Don't Want To Hear - Comments

I liked it. I wish there was a custom layout, but I liked it. However, the title was a bit lengthy, and kind of stole from the story a bit. Also, your sentence structure was a tad off and the lines didn't flow well. You did have some very beautiful imagery, and I was highly impressed by it. At first, I thought it would be a stupid, sappy drabble that would just make me wanna puke. But it actually turned out very beautiful. I haven't read something like this in a while, and it actually made me happy. It would have been nice if you would have used some other pronouns. She, he, I, anything to avoid "you" and "they".

"The pounding of your heart echoes throughout your world, the rhythmic beat of fear becomes your soundtrack." Definitely my favorite line. I love metaphors, and I love how poetic and deep, almost depressing, this one was.

Kudos to you. It's pretty good. :D

I am judging for the contest :D

This was really true, I guess. Most people must have been through a relationship that ended like this and could really relate to it. The bit about the questions at the end was amazing - I think that bit is the bit that best describes what it's like.

I'm probably wrong here but...was this done in a kind of pattern? The first bit and the last bit were kind of the same. Like, there was a short line and then a longer line and then it went into the middle bit and then there was a longer line and a short line. If that made any sense. :L

I had to read this slow because the lines didn't flow at all to me. I think it would've been better if you'd replaced 'they' with he or she, and maybe even 'you' with I. I just don't think the second-person thing worked that well. I also think the lines would be better if they were longer too.

I like the last line - Only time will tell. It finished it really well and I don't think many other lines would've worked as well. I also love the words you used and this line was my favourite: Inside, you feel your heart begin to crack.

I think the title could use some work but that might just be because I think long titles rarely work. This was a pretty good drabble; maybe if you edited it, it would be even better. The thing I think that most needs work is the flow, other than that, this is pretty good.

This is very good, and very true. (Well, I'm only going by what I've heard. I've never had a 'real' relationship before). Like I've stated before, I love deep, meaningful questions and this here is a perfect example. It's amazing, especially if it's your first drabble! lol, keep on writing, chicka! You're grand at it!

This was really good. (:
The layout was very nice, it fit the story well and was easily readable.
I absolutely loved your details in this, and also the vocabulary as funny as that sounds. xD
You conveyed the emotion very well. Even though I've never had my heart broken by a boyfriend or whatever, I could almost feel it through this drabble.
As another commented said above me, the only thing I'd have to say is that your sentences don't flow all that well together.

But, this was incredibe. Good job! (:

This was beautiful. These were the exact questions I asked myself whn my bf broke up with me.

I could completely feel the emotion of the charter. The detail was amazing.

You soda wonderful job. :)

I just realized I already read this D: So, I'll just add on profusely to my own comment x)

For one, the layout is absolutely lovely and works well with the overall theme of the story. Also, this short story is just so easily relatable, because most, if not all people know's what this feels like. Be that you're the recieving end or the one breaking up with them. From what I could tell, there were no grammar mistakes (woohoo!! :D)

The pounding of your heart echoes throughout your world, the rhythmic beat of fear becomes your soundtrack. That was my favorite line. I love metaphors<3 haha!!

First of all the layout works very well with what your are writing.

You have such a way with words and I absolutely love that. I could absolutely relate to the story, but then again, who can't? I have heard that line once too many times, and it hurt me each and every time. Even when I did expect to hear them, it never got easier, it hurt just as bad as the last time. You captured the emotion in your words and that is what I loved. Amazing work :) Keep it up!!!

Awesome banner, first off.
Mkay. So overall, I quite liked this drabble. Your description is amazing, and your last line was...whoa.
My only con/crit would be your flow/tone. You've got this dry flow/tone, and it's holding back the description a bit. Especially with drabbles, it's really important that each line, each description, flow into each other and be dripping with emotion, because each word really does count.
It worked well for the last line, which like I said, was really good, but you might wanna work on it a bit in the middle.
Overall though, this was lovely :)

I really liked this(:
I loved the amounts of descriptive words you used, it made the whole point even more prominent.
I also really loved the emotion in this, it was so great.
The pounding of your heart echoes throughout your world, the rhythmic beat of fear becomes your soundtrack.
This was by far my favorite line. It's so descriptive, and just, amazing :3
This was so nice, I loved it (:

This was wonderfully written and really explains what it's like for the recieving end of a break up, what they're thinking, feeling, everything. You described everything quite well and for a first drabble it was lovely (even though drabbles are supposedly only 100 words).

Awesome job<3

I love the emotion in this. It was beautiful.

This is a great start and it's very poetic,
'The pounding of your heart echoes throughout your world, the rhythmic beat of fear becomes your soundtrack.'
This was my favourite line, I'm subscribing and I can't wait to read more :)

It's very poetic in a way which is hard to pull off so that is a major good thing right there.

The layout reminds me of Twilight o.o

Haha, anyways. Good summary, it's a bit vague and kinda jumps around though. But enough on that. The story itself was beautiful. I felt as if you really knew what you were talking about, like a mother teaching a child through experience. And I just loved your vocabulary by the way~!

This was beautiful. I loved it, and it was a great drabble. No mistakes save the double spacing of paragraphs, but if you fix that it will be absolutely perfect. I thought it was really well written, and was a good drabble to read. Good job!

Being honest was easy here; this was really well written.

Wow. This is beautiful. I like your work. I've read a lot of other things that you've written, but I like this especially. Though I've never been in a relationship, everything you said is true. I like the way you wrote it, and I think that your drabble was great.

Have a lovely day.
Honest, I loved this!

First of all, please skip an additional line whenever you start a new paragraph. It'll make your work look better, plus, it's one of Mibba's rules.
Second, I think the layout is lovely. :)
Hm, I thought this was pretty decent for a first drabble.

This is great for a first drabble...i've never written one but I loved this(: