Original Sin - Comments

I don't even know what to say about this. I can't even grasp what I just read. Which is a sign that what you wrote was a piece of excellence. The imagery was wonderful, the metaphors in this were spot on. But it was just really sad. It kind of...kills the mood a bit. You almost feel like you're drowning while reading it, if that makes sense?

This is really unique as a piece of writing. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it. The sheer amount of emotion that is portrayed in this is really deep and difficult to grasp. I still don't know how I'm feeling right now and I read this about an hour ago. This is a really powerful piece, not many pieces of literature can make me feel like this.

Word-wise, you use some beautiful imagery and metaphors within this. The comparison of the narrator to a ribcage is absolutely amazing, I've never heard anyone use anything like that before. Everything just flows really well and all of the syntax just seems completely natural. I read this like a constant train of thought rather than a piece of writing.

I can't think of a better way to sum this piece up than by saying absolutely incredible.

I really love how you made this layout. It's very simple and beautiful, the colors are so perfect together and it just makes everything look so nice. I also love where the picture is cut off, it's very pretty. I love it

This story really made me think, especially now as i'm trying to write a comment about it. I was very impressed with the emotion you portrayed and the way your made the readers really feel, despite the fact that this story was so sorrowful. Your descriptions were beautiful, they were so wonderfully written and I just felt this story was so much like poetic writing it could be both, story and poem. It was astonishing. You used words that came off as so soft, helping your description of him so much and it honestly just blew my mind. I'm very happy with this piece of writing and though I just stumbled on it by chance, I wish more people would read it. It is very well done.

i don't know what to say about this, except that it was really... sad.
it was good though.
but there was no happiness in it at all.

good job.

it's just sad. like, there's no hint of happiness in it. just, like, longing and desperation.
i love the lack of names and i still love the way you do your dialogue with quotations.

I kept my hands around his face, like a ribcage, like a heart, like he was my heart.
the formatting of this line. it's like . . . incorrectly formatted. but it doesn't matter. because it's right. this is right.

i don't know. it's hard to comment your stuff because it makes me think so hard the words can't come out to describe what i'm thinking.