Brendon, You Asshole. - Comments

wow XD

First off, I'd refer to his smokes as joints or something instead of cigarettes, because it was unclear that you meant that he smoking it, it just came across as the typical tobacco cigarette.
I don't really read PWP, P!ATD or slash in general, but I found this bearable to read depsite it not being my usual thing. It was easy to picture OC characters as you didn't really describe the personalities in great detail and you kept it simple.
I felt that the simple description worked for this piece.

This is for the swap, in case your mind is warped from too much porn writing/watching.
You totally don't have to write a comment this long, seriously, don't, I just got carried away.

Anyway!

Love the opening line, because it's short and just straight forward. Kinda sets the tone of the story right there.

"...the fact that he's trying so hard not to get an erection in his too-tight jeans."
OH MAMA, MAY I?!

I got a nitbit confused in the beginning with the timeline, because I thought as you were writing he was leaving the bus to go hang with John, but then in my head I sort of just saw him walking around alone for a bit smoking on his lonesome and then going right back to the bus. But maybe that's just me being a bit slow. XD

Brendon was a dick and he wasn't going to reward him with that, not when he knows he's not going to get what he wants.
- This sentence is correct, but it confused the hell outta me, I literally had no idea what was going on. XD
Once again, might just be me being retarded, so there's probably nothing wrong with it haha.

Brendon frowns, somewhat concerned at the lack of prep.
- I love this, because too often people are like "NO PREP BUT LETS FUCK NO LUBE NO CONDOM AND DOES NOT HURT!"
Which is obviously not the case. So kudos!

Okay so, sorry for this being long. >_<

I really like the intensity of it. And the harshness, and the bluntness. Like, basically, they want to fuck. Period. That's it. And the fact that they're angry just doesn't matter at all, because the only thing important is getting laid. And I love it! I haven't read any sex stories for a while, and I've never been too into rough stuff, but you're such a good writer that I sort of forget that. I like the casual feeling to their relationship, because it's not clear whether they're oh so in love, or just in the beginning of something, or just casually fucking, etc. And it doesn't really matter. At least that's how I read it. xD

Didn't notice any mistakes either, so kudos for that.

I like the simple layout too.

Overall, me gusta. x]

First off love love love the lay out. Kind of because it's my favorite color but mostly because it's very pretty but not distracting.

The intro felt sort of run-on-ish which makes me disgruntled. Not for what it says but perhaps the fluidity.

I like the dialog and feisty attitude through out the story. Character building is alright but figurative language/imagery was lacking so it seems a little stiff... lol no pun intended. Over all I say it was definitely better than most but not yet at its prime. (for comment swap)

Really strong and beautifully written.

This was such a lovely piece to read and made me laugh on some parts. The layout is simply amazing also, its so clear and the banner is really nice, simple but clear. :-)

Not the type of story you read while your eating but still a very good piece xD

:) awesome. Finally something that makes sense. Tired of these little kids trying to write stuff like this. Great job. Excuse me as I subscribe...

plot? what plot?
just some fun angry sex.
:)

xoxox
-dru