I'm Not Perfect - Comments

First off, the layout is quite lovely; the picture works well with the theme of the story and I adore the decorative background. I also like how the font itself matches well with the background and banner. As for the summary, it definitely pulled me in as a "real" story so to speak, where no one is truly perfect even though they appear to be.

Onto the first chapter!

Definitely seems like a pretty good idea, and I liked how the girls acted around each other, if that makes sense. I definitely like September xD She's just... I don't know. And the brother is cool too:) My only suggestion is to space out the paragraphs, and you also had a few mistakes, but nothing huge.

Seems like a cool idea so far:)

Loved the update!
Hm... I don't blame you for changing the title of the new update a little bit. Plus, it'll give you something more to work with when writing Flare's story.
Her mom's a bit harsh; I mean, she should just accept Flare for who she is. So what if she doesn't fit her religious standards, that just makes her more unique. I admire her for putting up with her mother's negativity.
Hm... and I noticed Flare started to question Von about the personal stuff... like about her family and house and all. Von was sneaky, though, and dodged the subject.
Overall, great update! Aw, and thank you so much for the shout-out in the author's note! :D I feel special! lol. :D I appreciate you doing that. :)
Can't wait for more of the story! :D

I don't usually read stuff like this. But it was interesting. I really like your style of writing, and other than a few grammar errors, you're good. :)

Keep up the good work!

Love how the story is easy to relate to and very realistic since this is like a rarity on this website. Yet, I do feel it's a bit cliche too a bit...which is okay since it's highly low.

Hey, I like this :)
Some con-crit: The chapters are long, and that's good, but there is quite a lot of dialogue... it may be a bit easier to follow if they were broken into smaller chunks of chapters.
Some stuff I liked: The characters. They obviously all have their distinct personalities, which I always like in a story, I cant stand reading about 5 identical people. Keep going, this has got real potential :) xx

I really liked the summary, cause there is a lot of girls that feel like that and seeing it in words for a story makes it even more real.

Very interesting names, I think you should space the sentences out though, so it doesn't seem cluttered. Like where they are talking mid-way through the chapter.

And hehe I like the brother.

I just started the story. The layout is really lovely for starters.
When I read the summary I knew this story was going to be relatable in some way. how I relate to it so far is with Luvy and how she is never completely honest with her parents.

I can't wait to get more into the story and continue to read it. I'm going to subscribe right now!

Luvy’s physical description seemed awkward to me. It seems like she’s obsessed with her looks, so I would understand her checking herself out to make sure she looks good, but the description was strange. It basically sounded like you had no other way to describe her besides a straight shot, this is what she looks like. Maybe a bit of an introduction as to the fact she has to make sure she looks good?

When Flare and the others show up, there was no transition. Adding something even as simple as ‘Outside, Flare was leaving the car’ or something would make it less awkward. I noticed the lack of transitions in a few other places. Also, you should watch your grammar. It seems to be little things, but still something that should be looked after.

You need to work on your characterization. The entire first chapter I couldn’t tell who was talking. No one had a personal voice. It seemed like one girl’s dialogue could easily be switched out for another. There was too much focus on dialogue and not enough on who the characters are. Sometimes things need to be shown through the character’s actions, rather than words, for their personality.

The characters I did get a feel for seemed really interesting. The story as a whole seems really interesting. I like the idea behind it and I hope you continue because it seems good and like people like it.

So I barely read a story about Asians and since I'm Asian, yeah that kinda bothers me -.- But I love the ethnicity you have going on here but in the first chapter, I sorta thought that the paragraphs were getting less and less spaced out :\

But I like what you've got here aha
(:

I can already really grasp each characters personality which is great, I think the way you describe things is wonderful because I can picture everything really well in my head..

A really great start and you have yourself a new subber :)

Loved the update! :)
Hm... so we got some clue in to Von's life now. Hm... I think it's tricky that she lies to her friends about where she really lives. Because, it's like... don't you think they'd ask to come over to her house once or something? They think they know where she lives but they've never actually been there. So she's pretty smart to like, pull that off and not make them suspect that she's not telling the truth about it.
Hm... and what's the story with her mother? I have a feeling that was supposed to come as a shock at the end, there.
Hm... and I'd like to hear more about September, maybe. To see what more of her past is like. But I'm looking forward to seeing Flare's and Spencer's back story too.
Great update! Can't wait for the next! :D

I agree with many of the people above me in that they say this feels real, you know like a real situation. Now, this isn't the type of story that I'm into, however -- it's good and has potential.

Now being nit-picky, I think there are some grammatical errors in your chapters, and one specific thing that I kept seeing was for example: “I don’t see why mom would pay for those, “Luvy jumped, the last quotation mark should be facing the other way and closer to the comma.

One thing I thought was nice is how the dialect -- hopefully that's the right term -- made it more real. I feel like in real life, people don't talk perfectly, and if you display that in the dialogues of writing, it's more genuine.

Anyways, good start with the first two chapters, keep it up! :)

I hate being so busy to where it interrupts me making a comment! So I am sorry this is so late, I feel so stupid.

Your story has a lot of potential, and I say potential because the first few chapters, that's what they're defined as, you know? Especially if you don't have any other ones posted. Your story benefits from the real quality added to it, the characters. Each one of them seem like real people and the dialogue is so natural.

The things that your story does not benefit from is moving too fast -and- how you tell us everything. Like with the description of Chandra, I believe her name is, correct me if I am wrong. We could tell the sort of person she is by her speech and the way she acted, we didn't need a description of her, that gives the reader little room to imagine and makes a story more boring that way and less appealing.

At times, you move so fast that I have trouble keeping up -- but I end up catching up some how, and something else, is that you don't separate when the time goes ahead, so it's kinda smooshed together and is confusing at times. But. Your characters are wonderful, lively and you have a great way of writing them.

The tone of the story is great. So. Good luck with the story and happy writings!

Also? I like how all these people are friends. I didn't think that's what would happen, but I like how it started out that way, was a surprise for me, I thought they'd all be separate people met up by a wicked turn of Fate. So good job! C:

It's really quite captivating because it feels very real. I feel as if everyone knows these girls somewhere in their life. I feel like everyone can identify with some parts of these girls. Overall I like the story line, but just watch you're grammar. (don't worry I'm horrible with my grammar as well) Really it's just a matter of grammar and you can find someone to read it over if you just send out a post in your journals.

It's very deeply based on being a teenager and if you're going for a teen audience you won't have any problem. I just suggest you elaborate on your characters so people can see them on a deeper level, because it's quite obvious there is so much more to them.

This story has a lot of potential. Congratulations!

This isn't my type of story, but you did well. There are quite a few grammatical errors, but it wasn't so bad. It makes sense, I mean, the story isn't holy sh*t unreal. Through the first chapter I got that it was going to be kind of a teen book. Like, sex, drugs, and all that stuff. I don't really go for that. The story is good, but I suggest you work on your grammar. (:

Don't get me wrong, this story is better than a lot of the ones I've seen on here. It's not obnoxious. The grammar stuck out to me, though. I'm just trying to help, no mean intentions! I swear. Aha.

Alright, I love the layout and banner, aha. <3

The summary instantly pulled me in, and as many others have said, this is going to be like a true story.

The idea of the story just seems very interesting although I am hoping that the characters will grow and mature. I love the different ccharacters though, all of them, especially Von.

You have some typos and grammar mistakes, but it doesn't distract too much. I wish you'd put more details in this, though. And maybe something that shows that you change scenery because it gets confusing.

Great job. <33 (:

I love it. :O I got pulled into the story right away, and was kind of surprised when the chapter ended. I was scrolling around trying to find more, haha. But really, this is a great story. The characters are realistic, and you can actually tell the difference between them by personality, which is surprisingly rare. But it's great that you're able to do that! And I love the names.

Well, like others have said, stories that go into real life issues, real life problems that aren't overly dramatized, are too few in number. And, being as picky as I am when it comes to stories, I usually don't like the ones there are (that sounds mean, but...), but I love this one.

You're an excellent writer! I look forward to the next chapter. :)

Oh, hello :)

Banner & Layout
I love your banner. The whole black and white thing going on, the girl, the way she sits. I don't know about you, but it seems to scream pain and disappointment in oneself. I like how that correlates perfectly with your story title. The gray and black patterned background equals <3 seriously. It doesn't clash with the banner, nor does it camouflage it's ... erm ... awesomeness? :) Kudos for this.

Content
I like how original your character's name is, although, admittedly enough, I'm not usually that into 'not your usual' names. So, I take it they're Asians, right? Cool. See, I'm not that sharp so I have to ask these sorts of questions. Tehe.

Erm ... just a spell check - aging is spelled ageing.

The top stretched across her newly enhanced D cups. - Oh, hold up now. A teenager getting f*cking plastic surgery?! WOW oh WOW! :O

“There’s a difference and you know it, “Ja said in a sing-song voice. - You have a typo there. The inverted commas after 'it' are turned the other way around x)

It would be cool if you had like a break, or line or something between Luvy's 'everything had to be perfect' and Flare's 'I hope her dad doesn't answer the door.' A reader could easily be mistaken into thinking that it's Luvy doing the hoping and such. Just a suggestion though, you seriously don't have to take it into account. :)

“He always looks at us as if we’re going to steal something, “Vontrice - another typo. Same inverted comma thingy. Tehe.

Your being racist.” - I dunno but shouldn't 'your' be 'you're?'

Luvy had the door wide pen... I take it you meant 'open?'

wanted to try being with wanted to try being with a girl,” - erm ... repetition. I think. Or maybe this was for artistic effect? -shrug-

The girls chucked. - 'chuckled.' Another typo.

Ooh... I like Von. She sounds, hmmm, how shall I say this? She sounds independent? :)

but Von… he definitely tired at a shot with her. She wasn’t like the other girls his sister hung out with. She had common sense. She wasn’t focused on getting wasted and having a fling with a random guy.

Yup, definitely. I do like Von. A lot. :)

And haha! The whole Luvy being mad that Ja was doing tricks to get her friends attention? Sounds pretty familiar. Hehe. Anyway, this is a pretty cool story. I like how realistic and diverse you make your characters. I have to say, that's not the easiest thing to do when writing a story.

You're a great writer, and despite the typos, this was a great read.

<3

I love this story. I'm subscribing.

i like it (: