We Won't Bury You - Comments

First of all, I love the layout and the title. It ties in well before I've even started reading.

I think this was done so tastefully and beautifully. It's really hard to pull off a story of someone's death after the fact with as much impact, but I really felt it here. The flow of the narrative was so natural and I felt really similar to how I did reading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green - like I know I'm setting myself up to fail but can't stop reading. I knew what was going to happen, but it didn't lessen the hurt when it did. It didn't stop me falling love with Emery's character and that of whoever was the narrator. It was like reading a really poignant eulogy.

Some of the statements really clearly stick out. "None of us were ready for it to be real yet" is probably my favourite.

What I really loved though was how you didn't cheapen it by chucking in a romance. This is progressively becoming a more popular story line on Mibba, but this is in a whole new league. The friendship between the guys and Emery is so real and it's such a perfect platonic love.

Everything about this story (apart from a mix-up between its and it's in the second line) is just spectacular. You should be really proud of it.

EDIT: didn't even realise it'd be judged in the other category of the contest! It just caught my eye

Hi, I'm the new judge for You Already Have It (Pre-Writes) under Mibba's Contest Revival and this is me judging your entry. Thank you for your patience! I comment as I go, so if it's a little disorganized, I apologize (although, I am making an attempt to keep the comment organized).

Holy. Do you see these wet things in my eyes? Yea, those are tears. This is so sad. Why would you do this to me? No, but really, this is so well written and heartbreaking. I can’t even think of anything to say, it’s so good.

You wrote the flashbacks perfectly (and this is coming from someone who struggles everyday to write flashbacks well) and made them fit in with the story really well.

I saw a few typos but nothing major, unless I’m blind. But seriously, A+ for the plot and the writing.

And Jimmy’s speech… Heartbreaking.

Anywho, good luck in the contest!

P.S: The comment below mine kind of perfectly describes how I'm feeling. (:

Ohmygosh .
I wasn't sure what to expect when you messaged me wanting cocaine instead of smoking, but I'm sure as hell happy for agreeing to it. I didn't know your technique of writing would be so mind-blowing. This is definitely a great entry. I'm happy it was the first one I've read. The words you used, were just amazing. And you described all of the events in this story perfectly, without caking it up with complicated phrases. Everything you've written set & stayed set.

While I was reading, my heart couldn't help but flutter about when you put the flashbacks in italics. That was amazing, and the tense flowed continuously. No grammar mistakes, as far as I see. Perfect editing. Wowza, I'm amazed @_@

You knew your character very well, and it almost seemed like you were one person, but at the same time you were Emery. If that makes sense to you. I also enjoyed how the story began . It was very reeling, and I couldn't help but stay focused the entire time .

Excellent work .