Valkyrie - Comments

I don't think you need another analysis, and most you have recieved reflect my opinions. I just thought you'd appreciate another positive response.

I'll point out one thing I did enjoy, which was the subtlety of your - for lack of a better term - 'sex scene'. This is the first piece I've read on here that such an inimate moment has been written so aesthetically, rather than raw erotica, designed to arouse. I applaud you for that.
Other than that, I'd like to mention how I thoroughly enjoyed your use of imagery, it's very sophisticated, and I think this is an extremely valuable text.

Congradulations on your very personalised and unique style of writing, I'm excited to see what else you're yet to produce.

So first off: anything that alludes to Of Mice and Men makes me die with happiness, so kudos there XD

Admittedly, this is the first femmeslash that I've ever read and I'm insanely impressed. This is just so well written. And very tasteful, given the subject matter. I'm reading through it, attempting to find a bit of crit to leave for con-crit and I just can't find anything wrong with it: it's that good.

I just love the way that you don't have to describe exactly what's going on, you just sort of hint at it and we (the readers) just sort of assume it and it's still clearly understood. And the previous is in regards to not only the vampirism (amazing foreshadowing by the way), but the death in general, for me. Never once do you say that Brandy's dying, but we know it happens. It's so refreshing to see this sort of subtlety on mibba.

Amazing job. I'm glad you asked me to read this and seriously, don't worry about commenting back. My stories are nowhere near this level of writing.

^ Ignore that. Accidentally pressed something. XD Anyway...
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Firstly, your symbolism. The title itself intrigued me so before I read a word, I looked it up and you do love your winged beasts. there's always a certain yearning for freedom and flight in your writing, like an Ibsen play. And the whole purpose of the Valkyries is interesting. it's why I conclude that she was recruited - if you pardon the term - into the vampire thing. But there's still that epoch of humanity left in Alba, that bitterness in Brandy's death. It's so human.

Then you have the names of Alba and Brandy themselves. Alba - being an interesting word to me, with it meaning "Scotland" in Gaelic - comes to mean dawn. And there's two lines of thought with this: her leaving before dawn with the archetypal hiding from the sun scenario and dawn as a "dawning of a new age" - metamorphosis. Taking this into account, Alba was always going to change Brandy. It's at the core of her. That is the most important aspect of drama - the character must (in a certain way) be trapped by who they are in their actions. Then you have Brandy. Brandy is, of course, an alcoholic drink meaning "distilled wine" in Dutch. Now, that in itself has some interesting Biblical semantics. Wine meaning blood...well...to connect this with Jesus and Holy Sacrament is not a difficult connection to make. And of course, blood being the staple diet of the bog-standard vampire is a requirement. So, to distill raises an interesting question. Is it stronger or purer than Jesus? And the distillation and adulteration of wine and general alcoholic drinks is always an interesting concept.

Sweetie, you know I adore your imagery. If I was in a better state of mind, I would highlight everyone and classify it but I have time constraints. But I am going to look at your colour semantic field since it is dazzling as car headlights and at a close reading of Alba's description.

There is a delicate concentration of light, dark and red hues throughout the piece. And with the elements of vampirism or even sexuality in general, these seem to be the most obvious colour tones available to your writer's pallet. Lightness means so many things. If Alba is - ironically - a creature of the dark then where does light come into it? Light could mean all the usual things: goodness, purity, innocence. But if we skip back to the Holy Sacrament idea again, the flesh would be pure but the substance that keeps it going is red - sexual. So, it would seem that the light, the whiteness is a mirage: under the skin of a saint beats a sinful life force. And in conjunction with the animalistic side of Alba, perhaps in the end, this redness is actually more natural than the so-called goodness.

Now, I am going to line by line analyse that second section. It's so caught in the metaphor net that I have to have to show you just how much you can infer from one paragraph.

Alba is large, and soon she encompasses my world

Previously, you noted that the narrator was taller. So, for Alba to be large, one could presume that this could equally be meant to mean larger than life. Which means two things: there is the more literal idea that she is the life of the party, jovial, jocular and happy. The secondary reading could mean that she encompasses both life and death.

She wears her hair like a lion’s mane,

That animistic side of her, the rage and primal desire.

her eyes like Ferrari headlights,

Ferrari cars are stereotypically red so it follows with the red sexual side of Alba's nature and then you have the headlights themselves. Brightness, light - if eyes are windows to the soul then it is clear that despite her misfortunes, she's still a good person. Similarly, lights can blind - as can love.

her mouth like a child’s bow.

There's this beautiful juxtaposition here. The innocence of the child's bow against the colour of red.

She pouts with it and yells with it and kisses me with it.

I just love the rhythm of this line.

Her kisses are bruised cherries; they gleam and they leave a little red behind.

Again, light mingling with redness. There's also elements of darkness, of death with the bruised.

She leaves a little red behind, everywhere she goes. I rarely mind.

There's that kind of dualism here. Love in the terms of memory but also in a very "if you squint" way, could be ever-so-slightly describing vampirism as a sexually transmitted disease.

The characters are just wonder to their natures. Both of them encompass elements of purity, of darkness and of sexuality. Brandy does not read as a woman entirely innocent with the processes of sexuality. Indeed, I would go as far to suggest that she was in a past life a prostitute. The world-weary view of men and vague disdain reads as someone who has grown to dislike men. Brandy is as human as Alba and that's why I love your characterisation. Both are decidedly human and unhuman at the same time. Brandy seems to be a loner, a drifter, somewhat outside of the common glut of humanity and in the "unhuman" Alba she finds solace to the point she forgives her of small things and perhaps being dangerously naive in the face of danger.

You are an amazing writer, Isa. Don't ever give it up.

Oh Isa, Isa, Isa. It is getting rather hard to compare you to a writer and not a painter. It's raw and energetic and uncompromising like a Gaugin painting, like a snippet of writing by Gertrude Stein. It's beautiful. You've taken an idea that is - for lack of a better word - viral i.e. vampires and made it something else. It almost doesn't matter that she was a vampire. It could be anything or anyone. Like it's incidental and not the driving force. Sometimes there's puzzles there that I'm uncertain if you know you've set. So, in this analysis, I'm going to examine your symbolism, imagery and characterisation because these are the threads in the tapestry you weave.

Firstly, your symbolism. The title itself intrigued me so before I read a word, I looked it up and you do love

Amazing, as per usual. I generally cannot stand to read about vampires, but in this, it is such an inconsequential thing, even in her death. At least, that is how it seems to me.

I like the bit that goes "My name is not Brandy, but Alba insists otherwise until I give in. I can’t remember the other one now, nor can anyone else, which is odd in itself, but it’s not important." Mostly because if someone said that to you, you would think they're crazy, but in this it is just accepted.

I know I've said it a hundred thousand billion times, but I really love your writing. The way it is written, it's like it's this world you created that's most certainly not perfect, but it's full to the brim with all these amazing things, and there is nothing wrong in being who you truly are, or even who you wish to be. It reminds me a bit of Alice in Wonderland. Once you start reading one of your stories, it's like going down a rabbit hole, and inside you find that the way you were thinking of things is completely wrong, or you are introduced to some fantastic and somewhat-mad idea, that you realize might not be as crazy as it seems.

The first thing I had to do was click "custom layout", but only because I can't read on such a small surface. XD

Favorite line; Her kisses are bruised cherries; they gleam and they leave a little red behind.

Hm, I'm not sure exactly where to start. I think first of all it's best if I just throw out there that this isn't my kind of story. So my dislikes are probably just on a personal level and doesn't at all reflect on your level.

Well, I don't like the expression "ghost" when it comes to a soft touch, only because I've seen it around so much where it's never used right. I'm also not found of vampire stories, and I've sort of outgrown sex scenes. HOWEVER, the plot is still intruiging. Like I said, not my cuppa, but definitely intruiging. There's at first a sense of "oh she knew all along she's a vampire", but when with the "holy fuck she never eats!" moment I got the feeling that she didn't really know. Or maybe she knew, but didn't want to admit it. Then of course comes her death (at least, that's how I'm reading it to be, not sure whether it's up for interpretation that she died or became a vampire herself) it's also written as if she did know about her being a vampire. I like that it's not direct. Like, you don't throw it at us, with all the answers, but it leaves room for some pondering.

Your way with words is really good, and I think it's obvious that you've been writing for a while. So yeah, definitely like that. You have a really good balance between simple and complicated when it comes to your word choices. Like, sometimes you go for the obvious word, the one most writers would use. Then another time you use a more sophisticated word, the more rare one. The balance doesn't make it too simple and boring but at the same time it doesn't give the feeling that you kept using a thesaurous while writing. So woo for that.

I like that it was written in present tense, because it feels like it suits the story.

Overall, you obviously did a good job, and the downparts were just my personal issues and nothing that has to do with your talent.

i want to live in a world where only the things you write exist. that was my thought as i read this. sometimes i like to think of your works as a universe of its own, where things are accepted without being acknowledged and the corners are slightly dirty and there's something in the corner of the room that you can't quite see. and i want to live there.

the picture disarmed me in a way; that's just the best i can say for it. like kissing a picture frame or something. this is a relationship i like; this is unhealthy and honest and whoa- did not see the ending coming. i....wow. yes. vampire? no, it doesn't matter, it's magical either way and that's what you intended. it works, it really does. now that i read it again, i see, i see it all. it's beautiful.

i like this so far.

beautiful.
i'm stoned.
forgive shitty comments.