Little Red - Comments

All right, so thank you very much for entering my contest! I'm stoked to read the other stories you have entered as well, but they are not in this category so it will come a little later.

So first off I was intrigued by the summary but I felt that it could have had just a little more substance. It doesn't seem like very much, but it can really draw a reader in, I'm also guilty of not having an amazing summary. What I will say however is what you provided in the summary did capture me to read what came next. I was really excited to read about a darker and more twisted version of the classic Red Riding Hood story-can't really say little in this case-but none the less, I was really pumped.

One thing that I really liked was the first paragraph it really made me interested into what you were going to do with this story. It got me captivated and drew me into the world of her journey to the wolf. I loved how you described things in the story, it was a really nice touch to it. You made the reader very aware of the surroundings and what red wanted so I thought that was well executed. I really liked the flashback, it added a nice layer to the story, to show how her feelings and desires still stayed there from a while and how she wanted him so bad.

I also loved this part "pulled my red hood over my long blonde hair which touched the small of my back. As I licked my lips, I let out a low gentle sigh." This piece was just perfect and it gave me an actual visual of her in the forest doing that. It was the perfect visual to have put into the story and it really took it to another level.

Onto things that I guess I would be critiquing, I am judging a contest and I feel that no story is perfect. One thing I ask is that you take no offence to what I'm saying. I'm really trying to help. One thing I felt was that there was an in balance from the connect and disconnect that was given off to me as the reader. There were times where the connection was deep and perfect and I loved it, but then there were times where I felt totally disconnected. The thing is, there was no in-between and that caused the greatness of the story to lose it a little because I am one that loves connection and it wasn't there at times. Also the ending kind of left me a little unsure and confused. I really wasn't sure where you wanted me as the reader to take an ending like that. I felt that there was something missing from the ending, it felt more like a chapter to a story as opposed to a completed story. I felt what you placed as the ending should have happened a little before, an ending should give closure to it’s reader, but it gave me more confusion instead. Also I think you could have even been a little more dark and twisted. Don't get me wrong you did a great job, but you could have gone one step further without it being too much.

Overall I'm saying good job. Best of luck to you!

This starts off slowly, which normally I don't like, but towards the end of the first paragraph I started getting into it. I love the last sentence, "A silence which didn't ask for any noise."
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I'm only to the fourth paragraph and I'm already surprised by the direction and intrigued to know where it leads.
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...wow. I loved this. Dark, dangerous, and morbidly beautiful. Wonderful job, my dear.
My favorite bits were "creating a silence which screamed," "Eyes which confessed my innocence," "My red coat shredded, leaving small pieces of cloth strewn through the wood. A marked path. Marked with crimson," and "I imagined the sea rough and coarse though unable to touch me. Unable to hurt me. Then I imagined a white dove and I watched this dove till it decided to fly free."

This story, is really written well. When I read it, I could tell you put thought into the development of the story, and added a lot of detail to help bring the story to life. But there are a couple of mistakes, for instance, "Those deep mystery eyes," mystery should be mysterious. Just thought you should know. :D