Pretend Just Pretend - Comments

What ever did I do to get this dedicated to me??? :arms: :arms:

The beginning kind of shocked and enthralled me - how Gerard seemed to be violating him and Mikey had this crazy wide smile that scared even Gerard into kissing it away, but it wouldn't. It was eerie and haunting in an insane sort of way,and I dunno if you intended it but it reminded me of the Joker in the comics - the one with the permanent grin.

Your sheer talent shined through in the next paragraphs, like this which really struck me:

Heart continuing to fill up, lungs ripped to shreds and head decapitated I kept going; fingers, lips, words all violating Mikey; bruising his being into one massive pulp of red and purple.

That's what made it so nightmarish, the wording and the ghastly color of the description, so violent and so so brilliant.

Mikey wasn’t insane like his big brother.

For some reason, that was a really great comparison.

“Are you. Are you okay?” Monotone voice dulled to erase any traces of emotions, elimination any clues.

There was some irony here, since the way the first two words were repeated betrayed a stutter, or nervousness, of emotion.

The image from the dream refused to leave my retinas; it was seared to my eyes.

Creative way of saying he couldn't forget it. Hehe.

Smoke stung in my nostrils and clawed liquid and salt from my eyes.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooo jealous of this. A perfect way to describe tears!

And Frank's game. Stupid Frank. Look at what you've done. :XD

Certainly worth the wait, Rose.
:arms:
:arms:

So I'm a total loser and a lame reviewer, so I'm doing both Round Round and Prepare to Play. :XD

I love the metaphors you used. They were brilliant, original, and very descriptive. Gerard's state of mind when he's alone was described perfectly, I knew exactly how he felt, what it was like for him to feel that way.

Frank's appearance at the door, the way he started his conversation with Gerard told a lot about how much he worried that Mikey was angry at him. Switching onto how alike Mikey and Gerard are, makes the reader that much more aware of their bond, their closeness, as well, which is brilliant.

The idea for the game made me laugh, it's so typical for Frank to come up with something like that. It was remarkable how much that changed Gerard's mood - even if he didn't feel like it at first.
And I'm very much looking forward to what they're going to do to get Mikey provoked :XD

Gerard and Mikey's conversation was incredibly realistic. I can definitely see them talk to each other like that, on the same topic and all. Moreover, it reminded me of my own siblings again - just like the prologue - which is a really good sign. Their bond in this story is as strong as it seems to be in real life. I love seeing pictures of them together, or vids, because their brotherly love is so strong. They have this strange effect on me, and they do as well in this story. Much kudos to you for being able to get that feeling into the story. :cute:

Gerard dragging Mikey out of his room was priceless. It just cracked me up. Again, I can really see them doing stuff like that. :lmfao

And zeh Way Brothers showering together? I bet that gives a lot of girls nice dreams.

I know it takes me ages to read and somewhat review this, but I still love this story a hella lot. :tehe:
And I apologise for short, shitty reviews, I'm lame and lazy. :XD

Blame Internet for my absense. :grr:

Curtains;
The way you started this chapter was brilliant. It was subtle, amazingly descriptive – it’s strange how I could feel the indescribable feeling. It also made me question in what situation we were in, I just had no clue at first.

:lmfao I love Frank. I seriously do. You managed to make him act almost exactly the way I’d expect him to.

“No, if she ever caught us,” Frank answered in Mikey place. Then he lashed forward and kissed my brother right on the lips.
That seriously made me crack up.
Frank kissing Mikey blatantly was priceless. I’m sure Mikey makes sure Frank doesn’t get too close in real life either. XD

“Can’t you even leave him alone of stage?” he smiled innocently like only he can. Bastard.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying.”
Like seriously, how can I not think Frank knows? It’s exactly what someone would say when they are onto the other person’s actions and thoughts.
I really thought he was onto Gerard, already. Almost as if he could read Gerard just like that. It made me think for a second that the band all knew of Gerard’s feelings, except for Mikey himself.

I honestly do think that the band feels different after a show than before. I do think that the rest of the evening, they are and act different from usually. How could they not, you know? And I can definitely imagine Mikey feel the way you described him to be after the show.
The way they must reek terribly is all too realistic as well XD

“Newsflash! He’s married,” I called back earning myself a chuckle from Frank.
I’m quite sure that made me gasp. Not because I didn’t know or whatever, but the fact Gerard managed to say it as easily as he did, as if he never ever was infatuated with his brother.

Gerard’s character is amazing, he doesn’t seem to completely realise the way he thinks about his brother isn’t all that normal.

“I look like a little boy,” I thought, sighing mentally. “Or like a chick. Do people really find that attractive? Mikey’s way more attractive. His face has a much more masculine shape. Not like my round, child-chubby features. And his nose I much nicer looking. Yeah, he’s definitely the prettier one.”
This says quite a lot about him. The way he admires his kid brother, the way he feels about himself. It really says a lot.
It made me quite sad, too. I hate it when people thinks like that, because they are beautiful no matter what other people look like, but then again, that makes me a hypocrite. :tehe:

The ending paragraph was catching as well, just like the first one was, and it built the story plot perfectly. It forces you to read on. You’ve definitely got a way of capturing your readers, throwing in shocking lines and twists right when it’s needed. :cute:

And yes, I am quite proud of this longass review.

So I'm going to be a total loser and comment each chapter individual, because my sister first wanted to watch Titanic with me and now she's sick, so I'll fail at reading everything tonight. :tehe:

I love the prologue. It sucks you right into the story, putting it's function to a full use. :cute:
Everyone who has a sibling relates to this. Especially if you have a younger sibling like I do. Everything the prologue told, was true for me. I can hate my sister's guts at moments, but whenever someone tries to hurt her, or whenever she's sick (like right now XD), I'll be the best protector ever.
Yet, I'll always tease her and bug her. I don't think I'd ever admit out loud that I'd throw knives at whoever wants to hurt my kid sister.
It's just ... not done. :XD

But anyway, like I said, amazing prologue, it sucks you right into the story, makes you relate to Gerard immediately, even though you don't even know a single thing about him. :cute:

And yes, I suck at reviewing, I just type what I think. :file:

Edit; I can't believe I forgot :cheese:
The last line just blows your mind. It's like "omg wtf is Gerard? omgno:" :XD
It makes you wonder why he would want such thing, and it drags your mouse to the "chapter two" link.

:cheese:
I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THIS YETTTT :cheese: cheese: :cheese:

I WILL GET TO IT SOOOOOON, I PROMIIIISEEEE
And then I'll leave you comments that won't be even 1% as awesome as the ones you already got, but whatever. COMMENTS ARE COMMENTS :file: :lmfao

Okay, so I didn't comment on the last update 'cause I'm too cool :hand:
Not really :shifty I'm just lazy
Anyhow...:shifty
On with the comment :file:
Rose has an obsession with birds fer sure ~~ :XD and I love it :tehe:
The chapter was amazing :cheese: this input is very much confirmed by your amazingness
I love how Mikey's still a bit suspicious but then again no-one would really figure out this sort of game that easily. :shifty
Descriptions are amazing as always :hand:
Somehow you manage to fluidly portray intimacy that you make it feel efortless ie the scene in the bed
Though damn Mikey :grr: he had to ruin it for Gee.

Can't wait to see what Frank has in store for Mikeykins ~~

And if that wouldn’t be enough to make him pick a fight, what would? How far would he have me go?
:lmfao :lmfao :shifty I'm easily amused but that line made me giggly like mad.

Like a helpless little sparrow having strands of flesh ripped of by the beaks of vultures, feathers torn, eyes pecked into a squishy sludge and wings hacked into impossible angels it has been butchered countless times. It’s pretty astonishing that it has managed to heal each time.
:yah I love scenes like this. Explicitly disturbing and hacked into little pieces of raw emotions and blatant imagery.

Also, you gotta admire how persistent the older Way sibling is :file:

Brilliant as always now excuse me while I hunt down for Gee pics and read the re-write of the fifth chapter :yah ~~

^Next chapter, Isa. I promise. Though, maybe not the way you would imagine it. Don’t hurt me. :shifty

They're just tiptoeing around each other. :grr:

I have this prediction that Mikey is actually just resisting and is having a very hard time...:XD

I like the part with Gee not being able to help watching over him.

I'm not in a very good reviewing mode, so I might come back later on to... :tehe:

WEE IM REVIEWING NOW!

First of all, it's a Waycest.
From the author who brought us Unfamiliar Eyes.
Yes. 'Nuff said about that.

Secondly, I love all the inward drama. You seem to have a knack for that. Like, all the turmoil bubbling up inside someone, escalating until it reaches unbearable stages... yeah. It feels right. And the recognition of the difference between real Gerard and stage Gerard. I think that was the vital key in the story.

In the beginning Gerard just had that brotherly affection for Mikey, the same Gerard who once quoted that Mikey was just so cute he wanted to take a pic of him sleeping and send it to Hallmark :XD, yeah. It was him.

Then Frank, the cute little devil, had to give him all the 'thoughts.' He was so mischievous I wanted to smack him. No, not really. Hug him. Or both. Hah. I like the bit where he brought up the molestation and how Gerard answered with 'I've licked him... etc.' simply because it was so true and blunt.

And the comparison between Gee and Mikey's features... they were true, too! But then again Gerard doesn't look like a girl/little boy in ALL the pics. Sometimes he's simply one hot piece of MAN. :tehe: Anyway, it's interesting how he acknowledged that.

And also... the bit where Frank was monologueing about the need to make people scratch their heads and think while Gerard's thought were drifting were simply :lmfao and Gerard like.

And the challenge... Hehe. Frank pressure that Gerard actually bought. And the way Gerard persuaded Mikey to do so was very smooth of him, too.

I liked it until the 'Anything to make you happy' part because that was SOOO Mikey. I envision it.

My only concrit was that right after that part, things like the narration and overall flow didn't go so smoothly, like it was rushed.

Other than that...

I WANNA SEE WHAT'LL HAPPEN WITH THE WAYS IN THE BATHROOM.

More , perhaps?

I know I took too long but forgive my brain and it's lack of composure when it comes to the sense of time. >_O
The prologue:
I loved how you defined brotherhood and changed flows as you described the pros and cons and revealed to the reader what he needs to know to get into reading. It attracts you and lures you onto reading on.

The first chapter:
As you know I love your descriptions and poured in so beautifully from that first chapter that it flows so smoothly to your eyes and mind; the words connect and link gracefully.
Also, I love how you compose emotions and feelings and build them up as you go.
Mikey's persona was a bit different that usually portrayed and I liked how Gerard picks up the differences and talking about his brother with such love and care.
And I told you before how much I loved the humor in this :tehe: I adored Frank's coy and sly remarks and how it's sort of 'casual' that he implies to Gee and Mikey together :tehe:
"Can't you even leave him alone of stage?" he smiled innocently like only he can. Bastard.
I loved that line :XD it's so... mischievous; so un-Frank-like as well but he's your Frank in this and I love him for that. :XD
"That you fondle your own brother?" he laughed condescendingly but his eyes still twinkled with amusement. "Hardly, Gee."
That line is also one of my favorites :lmfao how Frank and Gee keep joking about it and juggling from amusement and bemusement is very much laugh-worthy.

And Gerard's comparison between his and Mikey's appearance is very much true if you think about it and I didn't even think about it before reading that :tehe: Guess it's my knack for girly guys again. But really O_O it's true. :cheese:
Also, it seems as said by Gee in this chapter that the boundaries were starting to blur and he was aware of this; scarily aware of it.

The second chapter:
The openingline paragraph was amazing :cheese:
I was amazed and blown away by your analogy of thoughts and birds.
And they didn't sing.

They didn't make any pleasant sounds at all, as if the mere fact that they, this flock of thoughts, were rushing through my head wasn't bad enough.
Can any metaphore get more perfect? :cheese:
You created a well-rounded form of imagery by mentioning every angle of the resemblance.

And the voice in Gerard's head worked as somewhat of an alter ego speaking to him and talking him into not caring, to walking away before it gets to messed up.
The conversation that occurred between Frank and Gerard had a sense of seriousness and twisted humor as they bluntly discussed the need to stir attention, to make bemused people and make them question; and it all had to be pulled over Mikey's head. :XD But Frank's words did hold sarcasm, a frightening sense of sarcasm that is. I honestly can't wait to read and review the third chapter. :XD [which I'm about to do :tehe: ]

The third chapter:

he laughed, eyes all stars and devils. I loved that :XD it's so your Frank now :tehe: I love him like I stated before.

I like the fact how it turned from making Mikey take up a challenge to a game :tehe:

The way Gee manipulated his thoughts and how he wanted was smile-worthy and to be taken seriously as Gee himself wanted this to be more than a game in his core.

I hope this made up for the looong wait :cheese: .
You're an amazing writer

Edit: Too much smileys :shock:

sorry i cant review properly again
but
WAYCEST
*dies*

remind me again. :XD

I'm sorry for leaving you a two line review for this, but I have to go to school. XP

Ever since Unfamiliar Eyes, I kept a close eye on you and your work and
I think that this is going to be one awesome story.
Not much to say about it now, other than the two posted parts were
amazing and a great introduction.
I'm seriously looking forward to more.