Half Broken - Comments

  • I think in the summary the first line is a bit too wordy. You don't have to introduce the character's full name like you did, it kind of makes it feel less inviting as a story or more like an obituary in the newspaper. Saying simply:
    Elizabeth becomes mute after seeing her twin brother, James, commit suicide.

    Also there's a typo in the summary as well. I think it should be:
    Like, eventually, it will...

    Also, as for the layout, it's kind of hard to read because when you scroll the words move onto the photo and I can't see the words, so you might want to move the photo so that it moves with the text.

    There's a typo in the second paragraph:
    "If that's what you want, Ellie." I could hear the grin in my brother;s voice as he pushed me from behind, causing my swing to fly through the air. We knew 16 was too old to play on swings, but we did it anyway. - brother's

    I would just look through the chapter, reading it aloud helps with typos otherwise it's a good start :)
    June 11th, 2012 at 08:41pm
  • i like it :) keep going!!!!!! dont make me beg girl :(
    June 11th, 2011 at 03:41am
  • EPIC! Write more. =]
    June 10th, 2011 at 11:34pm