when I’m sent - when I was sent fits more within the tense of the previous lines.
raining I was - raining, I - because there needs to be some break there. :)
However, the worst thing I ever went through nearly took the life of me and one other boy; taking one. - I'm assuming the other boy died in the avalanche (I comment as I read), so if that's the case - this line you've written sounds rather awkward. Maybe you could write at like, nearly took the life of me, and took the life of one other boy or something like that.
I like the first paragraph because it's quite interesting how you narrate these things he's done which epitomize him as a bit of a disaster - just because of the things he's done, then you end the paragraph with this natural disaster, and it's just unfortunate that he was in it. But it all fits rather well. It's like 'disaster' was a joke about him or something - until a real big disaster actually happened.
Currie is as good place to - is as good a place
This may just be a general question, but Spring Break occurs in Spring right? Spring is after winter...but how long do mountains stay open after winter? Or is the spring break pretty much as winter finishes? (I'm not really familiar with it because where I live we don't have spring break, so this may all make no sense to me, or it might...)
I like how you've used the foreshadowing in that paragraph too. Obviously we know he's alive, so he came out of it, but you know that this is going to be a horrible thing to go through again, and he'd just wish it had never happened - regardless of the joy he felt at the time for a pass. :)
I was excited yet nervous like a butterfly when they first emerge from the chrysalis - I quite like this simile here. :) It's rather lovely, and it's even in spring too, so it doesn't feel like it's too much or anything like that at all. :) It's rather appropriate. And adding on to it, Daniel is coming out of his winter too, into a brighter warmer world - regardless of what's going to happen, but it's quite neat how it works into the story. :)
I turned around and saw a snowmobile, with two boys there - a snowmobile with two boys on the back of it would sound a little better, because then you have that repetition of 'there' and 'their.' And that sounds a little funny. :/
I like how in the next line the reader begins to see that Daniel isn't a part of the disaster, he's just a person who warned people that there could be a risk with what they're doing and unfortunately he had to suffer for it. And you go on to prove that that's what's going to happen and how it's not Daniel's fault...and that he told them what was up...but they simply didn't care. It's a nice little idea of someone else's fault harming other people.
This one may just be personal preference, World War 3’s, I feel like it should be World War Three. :) But that may just be my preference. :)
It's also neat how he doesn't just stand there on his skis, because you would think that that would be what a lot of people do, yet there's this idea that if you're on a mountain, you accept the dangers and should be confident enough to be able to get out of harms way, I guess that's what makes it feel real or not in a narrative. :)
I like the Bugs Bunny reference, it creates this element of the unreal, which like you said in the narrative, would be so much easier to deal with - like you could get up and walk away from it. Then he says no, this is reality. I have to deal with this.
I think as the avalanche was happening, you could have gone into loads of detail about pain and such, because I would imagine as he's tumbling that the skis would snap, and his legs would be bent and bones would be broken in those moments. I think you could play around with that, because it would be quite interesting. :)
Also, I think the part about wetting himself really wouldn't have been such a concern to him. I think trying to stay awake and living would have been top priorities...and he might not have even known that he actually did wet himself.
However, I think it's a neat little story, and you could definitely play around with it if you wanted to. :) I like the little things in it like the simile - see it even continues right through to the end - the snow is his chrysalis and the rescuers are helping him get out to be the butterfly. :)
raining I was - raining, I - because there needs to be some break there. :)
However, the worst thing I ever went through nearly took the life of me and one other boy; taking one. - I'm assuming the other boy died in the avalanche (I comment as I read), so if that's the case - this line you've written sounds rather awkward. Maybe you could write at like, nearly took the life of me, and took the life of one other boy or something like that.
I like the first paragraph because it's quite interesting how you narrate these things he's done which epitomize him as a bit of a disaster - just because of the things he's done, then you end the paragraph with this natural disaster, and it's just unfortunate that he was in it. But it all fits rather well. It's like 'disaster' was a joke about him or something - until a real big disaster actually happened.
Currie is as good place to - is as good a place
This may just be a general question, but Spring Break occurs in Spring right? Spring is after winter...but how long do mountains stay open after winter? Or is the spring break pretty much as winter finishes? (I'm not really familiar with it because where I live we don't have spring break, so this may all make no sense to me, or it might...)
I like how you've used the foreshadowing in that paragraph too. Obviously we know he's alive, so he came out of it, but you know that this is going to be a horrible thing to go through again, and he'd just wish it had never happened - regardless of the joy he felt at the time for a pass. :)
I was excited yet nervous like a butterfly when they first emerge from the chrysalis - I quite like this simile here. :) It's rather lovely, and it's even in spring too, so it doesn't feel like it's too much or anything like that at all. :) It's rather appropriate. And adding on to it, Daniel is coming out of his winter too, into a brighter warmer world - regardless of what's going to happen, but it's quite neat how it works into the story. :)
I turned around and saw a snowmobile, with two boys there - a snowmobile with two boys on the back of it would sound a little better, because then you have that repetition of 'there' and 'their.' And that sounds a little funny. :/
I like how in the next line the reader begins to see that Daniel isn't a part of the disaster, he's just a person who warned people that there could be a risk with what they're doing and unfortunately he had to suffer for it. And you go on to prove that that's what's going to happen and how it's not Daniel's fault...and that he told them what was up...but they simply didn't care. It's a nice little idea of someone else's fault harming other people.
This one may just be personal preference, World War 3’s, I feel like it should be World War Three. :) But that may just be my preference. :)
It's also neat how he doesn't just stand there on his skis, because you would think that that would be what a lot of people do, yet there's this idea that if you're on a mountain, you accept the dangers and should be confident enough to be able to get out of harms way, I guess that's what makes it feel real or not in a narrative. :)
I like the Bugs Bunny reference, it creates this element of the unreal, which like you said in the narrative, would be so much easier to deal with - like you could get up and walk away from it. Then he says no, this is reality. I have to deal with this.
I think as the avalanche was happening, you could have gone into loads of detail about pain and such, because I would imagine as he's tumbling that the skis would snap, and his legs would be bent and bones would be broken in those moments. I think you could play around with that, because it would be quite interesting. :)
Also, I think the part about wetting himself really wouldn't have been such a concern to him. I think trying to stay awake and living would have been top priorities...and he might not have even known that he actually did wet himself.
However, I think it's a neat little story, and you could definitely play around with it if you wanted to. :) I like the little things in it like the simile - see it even continues right through to the end - the snow is his chrysalis and the rescuers are helping him get out to be the butterfly. :)