Innocent Mistake - Comments

Wow.
This took my breath away.

Okay... this was.. the most perfect waycest ever, you've explored the emotion side of this and made it... burn in a sense.

Your style of writing in this fitted it absolutely perfectly and it definitely broke through in the waycest genre, I can't say much more because it's an extremely beautiful and emotional piece of writing.

Keep it up. : )

Holy hell. Perfection is what I just read. Everything in that was so well exacuted. Nothing left me displeased. I'm gunna favorite to my computer and read it again. And again.

xoxo
s.

That was so amazing I'm sobbing so hard right now.

I don't really know what to say honestly execpt this.

That was the most powerful thing I have ever read in my entire life. I was so close to tears.

And I wanted to add in this quote...

penguin massacre:

It's too overwhelming for words, deary. Your writing has a pulse, a heartbeat, a life.

because that's excatly how I feel.

This makes me want to cry so bad, it's so emotional, yet I love it. The words you use are so beautiful. It's a different kind of Way love, a meaningful one. I can actually imagine this happening. You're an amazing writer, honestly.

Fatma, baby. -dies-

The entire thing is just...it makes you feel what Gerard feels and the dialogue makes your fingers curl and the vivid imagery makes your stomach curl and the scenes make you want to close your eyes are remember to breathe. Because the poetry gets you early, and then the voice sets in, and then you're lost in the world of Fatma-wonder that's just so hard to get out of. I forgot I was reading, I ceased to hold onto whatever reality I find comfortable because your writing made me mentally fall to my knees and ripped me open, forced my to listen with my eyes for all the small sounds of your writing.

It's too overwhelming for words, deary. Your writing has a pulse, a heartbeat, a life.

And it's inspiring. Honey, as much as I want to find them, there just aren't words to describe it.

Well done, love.

Poetic, beautiful. =]

I need to review this

But I can't, right now.

it makes me cry every single time.
That's all I can say.

The beginning set an amazing mood and a quality standard that never dropped. The repitition of 'don't' and 'closer' made it all the more perfect, showing the desperation.

Gaah. I was planning on writing a huge, long comment about how much I loved everything individually, but I honestly can't, it'd be way too long. I'll try my best.

I absolutely adored how the point of view was set up. Talking about Gerard as 'you', but still referring to Mikey in the third person.

There was a certain...flowing, light, airy feel of it. It contradicted the words, but it was beautifully contrasted and I don't even know if you meant to do it. It was wonderful.

The description...the lack of it...everything was very, very good. I loved this. The way you weaved the italicized words in was beautiful.

As for the grammar and spelling; sometimes it's hard to believe English is your second language. It's perfect, nothing to critique.

If I had to give one word to this, it would be Graceful.

no words to describe it.
<333

When I saw this I was like "FATMA WROTE A WAYCEST AND DIDN'T TELL ME?"

So, anyway...

You have this very, very distinct style that I had become accustomed to from reading all your KTFs. Actually halfway through I had to keep in mind that I was reading a romance, not a faith-fic, but the description just totally sucks me back in.

It's like reading Psalms or Proverbs (in the Bible). Weird comparison, I know, but it's almost repetitive in a way that's still captivating and fraught with emotion. It's your own unique style you're developing. It's kinda like a thought-process kind of thing, with the second person narrator and the scattered thoughts.

Good job. ;)

And yes, I so completely totally own Brotherly Love, as Marlee suggested. :lmfao

Story/Review Game:

I liked it. A lot.

I love second person and I love Waycest (I know. I know, I'm a PATD person but bear with me, plus I'm married to Isa aren't. Brotherly Love Love is like a prerequisite there...) and I love suicide stories. It really weirdly reminded me of my own stories, but not in an OMGYOUEVIL! way. In a comfortable way.

However, the second person got kind of confusing for a bit. I couldn't tell if it was Mikey telling the story or a narrator. But that's probably because I'm completely and totally SICK right now, and I've got a killer headache. (Computer's hurting my eyes so I probably was like "wtflol?" >.<)

Anyways, keep writing. I look forward to reading you again soon.
<3

Review transfer :shifty

QuickFix.:

Innocent Mistake

Firstly, let me say that I tend not to read fanfictions anymore on account of the fact that lots of them are all the same and I tend not to read slash or incest on account of the fact that lots of them are very... graphic. But I felt that this was completely different from anything in these genres that I'd read before. Maybe the concept of Waycest wasn't oh-so original but the way in which you portrayed the love was different.

Your vocabulary was awesome and so was your grammar despite a few typos but they can be excused. The entire plot was great; the way that you emphasised the more emotional and spiritual side of love rather than just writing about Gerard wanting to sex his brother and Gerard's thoughts were like... actual suicidal thoughts and not just, "Damn. I want to die."

And the length. Though it became very repetitive towards the end, it wasn't boring as such. It still held my focus. I love the way that Gerard talks too. He's making sense but going about it in a... non-sense making way. Does that make sense? You mastered second person point of view wonderfully whereas it can easily become very crappy and you maintained the present tense, which I myself find quite hard.

Lastly, I want to point out this the line was by far my favourite:
It's all in the curled corners of your subtle smiles.

It was fresh and original and well written. Overall, it was off the heezy.

There are no words left for me to speak. it was truely beautiful and touching.

amazing!!! I'm a little confused about the ending, what really happened.... i do all this literary analyzing at school and I'm just so drained from it, my brain neurons aren't producing anything....
but i thought it was fantastic. Written in a very unusual point of view and very descriptive. A masterpiece, to say the least!

I have no words to describe the exact way I feel now.
You made me cry. You made me cry so hard.
And I love this fanfic.

You're an amazing writer, you really are <3

-dies-

I wonder if I can even begin to point out everything I want to in the space of a comment...probably not. Not and do it any form of justice, that is.

The only criticism I have is that the BBcode and spelling goes a bit out sometimes. Otherwise, it was freaking amazing.

Word for word, it flowed so well. Looking back, not a lot had happened, in the sense of time, you delve so deeply into it, so intricately and descriptively, and somehow, somehow you force me to read on, because it's all just pulling us in further. It's so hard to pick highlights from this, because it peaks at the very start, and doesn't seem to lag at all. It isn't boring, somehow. Which is amazing.

You never liked the fact that your desire dominated the elements of right and wrong;

So incredibly subtle, so perfect.

This forbidden kiss will claw the life out of you; it burned; your heart burned and withered with each gaze you'd staple on his frighteningly similar hazels.

Such violent phrasing, really emphasises the potentially destructive nature of what could be, what could have been. The word 'staple' really gives it a frightening sense of permenancy, uneraseability.

It was really heart-wrenching, how you explained how Mikey really had no idea, and how he had to find out at the very last, very crucial moment. You gotta feel sorry for the man, really. It was so emotionally portrayed, how you seemed to describe each of his facial features react in horror and confusion.

Instead, your baby brother sheds the light on them again with his lit up smile and luminously gleeful eyes. He's not helping, is he?

Just smile and rub it in, Mikey. Just smile and rub it in.

There seems to be a touch of something resembling resentment here, does there not? How he evidently has immense feelings for Mikey, yet at the same time seems to dislike how he can be so happy all the time. Gives the story yet another interesting twist.

But you don't turn back; instead your screams intensify; again you shriek, like it's the end of the world, like the sky is ripping itself to bloody ribbons and grotesque horizons.

Again, such violent imagery. It creates such a striking contrast between the two brothers, between the opposing feelings of love and hate.

And the flashback, wow. It was the missing piece that gives yet another layer of complexity. Perhaps it is not resentment, but maybe outright jealousy? Or a little bit of both, perhaps...

"I crashed. I burned. I melted." The smile turn into a smirk as your confusion turns to haughty arrogance. He doesn't know.
He burned you out with those admirable little smiles for far too long.
He's why you are what you are today.

He keeps mentioning to himself that it's Mikeys fault, and yet he never seems to tell him. But then again, the latter would probably blame himself, were his brother to go through with it, and he so close to stopping him. Could the whole thing just be seen as getting back at Mikey, even?

"Because the tangles of the un-mended heart speaking to won't hesitate to cut themselves open. Complexity rules this whole damn situation; a wall barricading my release," Your hushed tone cries silently into his ears, "Complexity, Mikey. Fucking complexity."

You can see Gerard has an unyielding need to tell Mikey how he feels, but at the same time, feels forced to remain silent, for both their sakes. The result? Amazingly eloquent hints that seem to go right over Mikeys head. Poor Gerard.

Whereas at the start, it seemed that Gerard was absolute in his decision to leave, to jump, to never tell him, now it seems like he's really considering it; weighing up the pros and cons that he must have done a thousand times before. Now both brother's are thinking 'don't do it,' but for entirely different reasons.

But she's only a brick in the way, a brick in the way.
The unification between brother and lover will be complete one day; brothers should be able to love like others do.

So he just resents her for taking Mikey away from what Gerard sees as his own position. It's a very complicated love triangle, evidently.

You kiss.

So small, so perfect. All on its very own. Explains everything.

You've jumped; you've made the biggest fucking jump of them all.

You've slaughtered something other than your morbid soul...
You're murdered blood.

So he went out to destroy himself, and yet destroyed something much more dear to him. He destroyed something that was nowhere near his to destroy. He just has to live with the immense regret now.

So you walk away. Leaving your wounded half to lick his wounds..
So you leave...
He's your mistake now.

Your innocent mistake.

The irony is, Mikey asked him not to go, not to leave, not to break his promise. And yet, even after all that, he still does so. Perfect ending.

And yeah, this comment is way too long. Hope it gave you any idea of how amazing this is.