May 4th, 2011 at 07:49pm
No idea who Gerard is even though a lot of people talk about him, but I thought this was very good :) It wasn't too short and it wasn't extremely long.
The amount of detailing was great too, good job:)
Title:
I can't say too much, very simple. Fits the story.
Summary:
It was informative, but unfortunately not when it comes to the actual story. I mean, you tell me who is in it, but there's no hint at what emotions it'll touch or anything like that.
Story:
It's weird, it's such a simply plot really. I mean, it is, and yet it was really, really sweet. This was exactly what I was looking for, something that just brought a smile to my lips and made me grin. You give some backstory, without giving too much and making it too long. I love the lighthearted feel to it, and how it feels predictable but yet that just suits it so well. Your vocabulary is simple, but again it just fits.
I like it because I can relate to the whole concept of going away and just... not calling someone for a reason or another, because it just doesn't happen. And then figuring yourself out, realizing who you are and getting your emotions on the right track. I've done all of this, and that's why I found it so charming I think. So though it's simple and somewhat cliché, it just works for this piece. If you had tried to complicate it even more I wouldn't have liked it as much.
I ran my thumb up the length of her palm and she smiled once more, knotting my stomach once more.
- The only real concrit is that this sentence has "once more" twice and it disrupts the flow somewhat.
But overall I liked it!
So thanks a lot for entering!