From a Distance - Comments

u shud totally write more chapters^^ i lied it alot :)

One, sorry it has taken me so long to comment.

two, this story has some mystery behind it. However, I think, like said above by the previous two commenters, you have just a few grammar mistakes, but I also think that you could add to this :) Everything you have here, is just there. Add some more to it :) This is a great short story don't get me wrong. I enjoyed reading it :)

If you added a little more detail to it, or more of the why aspect, this could be even better. It is a nice way to draw readers in even more than you already do. You certainly have a way with words so use that to your fullest potential :)

I like that she is looking at this boy from the distance. I want to know why this boy :) Like I said, I enjoyed reading this, and I think you have an amazing talent :) <3 Keep up the amazing work darling

This seems like a good enough concept, but I think it would be better if it wasn't so bare bones. There's a lot you could say here, if you either reconstructed it, choosing words for poignancy or metaphor, or fleshed it out a little. If you were going to flesh it out, there are a few questions you could start by answering. For example, why is the room familiar? Why is the smile infamous?

There were also a few lines that stuck out as maybe needing revision:

That smile with a hidden smirk is directed at the entire room, you looking at nobody specific.

It's the last part of this sentence that doesn't click with me, the bit about, 'you looking at nobody specific'. I feel like there should be a 'with' in there, and like 'nobody in particular' might be a more grammatically correct means of expression.

Us two barely spoken a muttering of a word to eachother.

There are a few things wrong with this, besides the missing space between 'each' and 'other'. Firstly, I think it's 'we two' or 'the two of us'. Secondly, in keeping with the tense, shouldn't it be 'barely spoke'?

All I know is that I look at you from a far.

'Afar'- just a nitpick.

So, yeah, in conclusion, I think this has the potential to be something quite good. It's certainly a nice image, but I think it would be a lot better if you polished it up.

you looking at nobody specific.

You're*

Is it infamous smile or that unforgetting voice. Is it your sandy brown hair, your side fringe slightly covering your eyebrows.

I really like this detail. It describes the boy really nicely, and I really get a sense of whom you're looking at from a dsitance. :) All I can reccomend is to end these two sentences with question marks, since they are questions. :)

Really and truly this is another one of my favorites by you. <3 It's so artistic, so curious, so down right adorable. <33

This really is amazing, Eimear. <33 :)