Shadows in the Woods - Comments

I usually don't read scary stories, but I'm always a sucker for some good build up and tension. It's impossible to skim read this, which I like. Very word and sentence is very deliberate. The only issue I have is that I can't tell if the repetition is attempting to evoke parallelism or just a mistake, so that's my only real criticism. Great job!

This story is great at building tension, which can be very hard to do. The way you've written it makes you slow down to read it, you can't just speed through it, which adds to the effect that it seems you're trying to create. One thing though is that you've written this a bit formally, and it doesn't flow especially considering this is in the first person. One such example of this is where you say "I could not tell what kinds of trees they were", which would be better said "I couldn't tell what kinds of trees they were." It makes the character seem slightly more realistic.

Another thing I noticed - very hard to not do in first person - is that you started a lot of your sentences with 'I', sometimes several times in a row. These sentences would benefit from a little bit of rearranging.

Otherwise, you've got a really good piece of writing, and I wonder if you ever decided to complete the larger story that this is apart of. I hope you have success with your future writings!

Whoa. This is pretty cool. I'm a sucker for scary stories. I was kind of expecting another encounter at the very end, something to bring the shadow into manifestation. Maybe if you added it into a larger story like you said, it'd make more sense. Overall though, really good vibe!

Hello, from comment swap,

Firstly, I don't think the layout matches your title "Shadows in the Woods," it is nice though. Aslo your imagery and description is good, but at some points in the story I think certain sentances should be rephrased. I see that a few are fragmented or just worded awkwardly. Thirdly, if this is a first person view, would they really speak without contractions. If not why? I think there should be more background material and information about this protagonist. Also the plot needs to be built on a bit more, this is where a summary comes to place. Overall, good story, I wished it were a bit longer and less vague, however I kind of like it never stop writing!

Adding more here now that I've read all the comments. I too enjoyed the layout, because it was simple and easy to read. The white on black is traditional and it's super easy on the eyes, which I like. It reminded me of Slenderman, was that intentional? Like Slenderman is trying to figure out if it's a kid or not. Or perhaps I've just spent too much time on creepypasta. Who knows, all I know is that I really liked this even though it was short and sweet. It had just enough imagery to make it creepy and eerie, and really convey the fact that this was taking place in the dark.

I really like the imagery.

To me "the lack of a summary" adds to the mystery. The title definitely gained my interest. Great job writing the detail and the unamed character sounds interesting as well. I was brought here by comment swap by the way.

I honestly hope this becomes a story. This one had me wanting to run for the hills. Shadowy figures?! Uh nope! xD great job darling!

Hey, comment swapper- I loved the abstractness of this and I can see below that there is some conflict over you not having a summary.
overall I prefer one, even if it's short- it can be as abstract as the piece itself but it will draw a reader in, as will having a personal layout rather than a mibba one :3

As I said, the writing itself if coherent and I cant find any mistakes, it flows really nicely and I love how you never really find out anything about the figure of the protagonist.
I really like this :)

I was sent here via comment swap.

Like a few people, I don't like the fact that you don't have a summary. Some people I know won't actually read a story if there isn't even the smallest summary, so you might want to think about adding one, perhaps? And (this is just me being super pernickity) you've capitalised the chapter title incorrectly, it should be 'I Thought I Saw". It doesn't add much to the story, but I have a thing for people capitalising incorrectly. (I used to do it all the time though, so I can't really talk, haha!)

The first paragraph is written really nicely, everything seems to merge together really well. Your use of imagery is really good. There is only one thing bugging me, and it might be just me. When you write 'could not', it seems just the smallest bit too formal for my liking. Again though, that could just be me. The second paragraph doesn't really need to mention the oak trees; you've mentioned them already. Apart from those minor areas, I think this is really well written! You've described the scene really well, and you've obviously worked hard to create an atmosphere, which comes across well whilst reading. I am intrigued as to whether this will continue or not. It leaves the reader guessing a lot, it would be such a waste of an idea for you to leave it as it is!

You did a nice job describing everything in the story. This was a very good start and I'm glad I was brought here. The only thing I don't like it that you don't have a summary. Other than that it's great!

Kristen :)

I'm not fond of the lack of a summary, only because I personally feel this is where you draw a reader in. I don't know whether this is a oneshot or a chaptered story, because it really could be either. You have a great imary for the first paragraph, and each sentence flows very nicely in with the last. In the last paragraph I feel that you repeat "breathe" a little bit too much, simply because it breaks the nice flow you've had up until that point. It's definitely exciting, and I'm definitely left wondering whether there's something else to this or whether this was it. The only sentence I really didn't find to flow well was "No more than some darkness, and I was not afraid of the dark."

I'm actually really glad comment swap brought me here. I loved how you worded your story and the ending was really good. I could feel like I was the main character in the story, which for some reason, I cannot really do that too well myself. Great job! Keep writing! xo.

I'm actually really glad comment swap brought me here. I loved how you worded your story and the ending was really good. I could feel like I was the main character in the story, which for some reason, I cannot really do that too well myself. Great job! Keep writing! xo.

Hi! Another comment swapper here! I think that you have a great story going for you. You obviously have a plan written up and you words flow easily for the most part. I liked that you didn’t have any spelling/grammatical errors as that is very hard to come by. You use great imagery in the story and I hope you update soon. I am definitely subscribing. (:

I disagree slightly with the comment below. I like the simplicity of the layout. I think it makes it easier to focus on the story. If the layout is too crazy, I don't like to read the stories.

I think the second sentence of the first paragraph could be revised. It flows oddly. I know the reasoning behind it was the impact, but it confused me as a reader.
Maybe something along the lines of "The forest was an abyss of black and blue. It would have seemed silent to anyone who felt at ease; however, not to someone like me, who didn't know where to go".

From Comment Swap:

First of all, I have to mention the layout. I always happen to think of the story layout as an addition to the story itself and it gives the reader almost a taste of what’s to come; this one is kind of bland. I’m not a huge fan of those premade layouts, so I suggest creating one yourself. It’s really easy it and helps add something to the story :D Anyways, onto the review.

I have to agree with the other commentors. As a stand-alone story, it’s decent, but I’m sure as you add more and more chapters to it, it will bloom into a lovely chaptered story. So far, everything about it is beautiful. The descriptions are superb and I already like your unnamed character greatly. You describe their feelings and emotions very well. It’s very gripping and slightly intense and slightly eerie. Your writing style is very lovely and vivid and I feel as if I’m there, in this forest with this character.

All in all, this was amazing. I wish you the best of luck with continuing on with this piece! Great job! <3

I could not see the roots... - of course not, they're underground, as you said in the sentence before. I think to convey that there is little moonlight, you should use something else that you can't see.

Beyond the valley of what I believed to be oak trees... - again, you only just said that you thought they were oak trees 2 sentences ago, so I don't think you need to repeat it again so soon.

I think you did well conveying the eerie feeling, and it will definitely captivate the reader if you turn this into something more. Just make sure that you don't have redundant sentences :)

I like this. I love the way you've described a good forest scene. The way you've left it is intriguing and I'd love to see this continued :) You've described it in such a way that I can picture myself walking in this wooded area so that's often prove it's an excellent start. Anyway, I wish you luck with this story

At the begining it gives the impression of a scary, dangerous and eerie story. Shames it's only a short story; because it has great potential. The way you've described the forest, it gives you a very vivid image of it. I saw no grammar or spelling mistakes, which is always good!! Keep writing<3

I like it as a beginning of a story, but not so much as a short story. It seems alittle dull on its own. You're descriptions are good and create some strong images. The characters emotions are also well portrayed. I'd like to see more of a plot like happen and more development later on. Best of luck!