Before Everything and After - Comments

This was an amazing story. I loved it. : ) You did a lovely job for having such a short time. : D

That's so sad. D;

I liked the way you ended it, though, although it was rather short... Oh well, you had to rush it, I know. :3

First Day of the Rest of Our Lives - The pack mule comment was cute. Heh.
Oh. :( Tyler. That happened so fast. This whole thing happened so fast, but I find myself feeling sad for him anyway.
It's just... :(
The rest of it flashes by so quick. The interactions are still so, so natural, and I give you props for that.

Brokenhearted- JDOIFJQWEOIFBHUEGIUOWHGUWOERGHWU HUOIGHWUEH GWEUR HWREU NO COHERENT THOUGHTS CLICKING NEXT CHAPTER NOW

You Make Me, Me - Hmm. Somehow that whole dying scene seems more contrived than anything you've written. It was definitely quite melodramatic, and you slipped out of the casual territory which I think is your strength. Then he turns SO quickly... I think it should have been spaced out more. Definitely. We barely see any of it happen and suddenly... he's it. The "brains" thing is quite stereotypical, since you didn't add anything to make it original. Is there any reason he wanted brains in particular? Does it look more appetizing, does it seem like it'll taste better than liver or something? If you focused on little things like that, it would have retained a bit more originality, I think.

Epilogue - That all happened too fast. On one hand, it gives us the perspective of people in like, say, Zombieland, those who don't quite make it to the later days or don't become one of the last "survivors", but it should have been fleshed out more. It just seemed to happen overnight, then sudden announcement, a little panic, and then they're both turned already. I quite like the thought behind the sentient zombie, but it wasn't as elaborated as well as I might've liked. I think it was a great idea, but the execution on the later parts could've been worked on and it's a bit obvious that you were rushing to finish it. I wish you took a little more time to flesh it out (pardon the pun?), because I love your narrative and this whole concept. I enjoyed reading, though, which is the important thing :3

Quit Your Life - /Then, I still can't even fathom killing him. Slowing him down, that's what we'll do. Like cut off his legs or something./ Oh good god I laughed so hard. It's funny how when our minds go into overdrive, that we just think of unfunny shit like this to make things seem lighter. I can tell he was half-serious too. One thing I'll critic is how panicked they already are, after one announcement, without seeing how other people are, contacting families, seeing how bad the situation really is. It was just sudden "panic" mode, though maybe I didn't feel the panic in the previous chapter because you were too good at making me fell high as well haha. It's moving quite fast paced from here, especially with Mar's sudden emotion/confession.

On the Outs - One thing that stuck out to me here is the growing spark between the two of them. How Nick can still blush despite the circumstances. I admit it's a bit rollercoaster-y from the tears from the last chapter, then sudden laughs, but benefit of the doubt. It's quite an improbable situation that will ellicit a roller coaster of emotions from anyone.

You're Not Alone - I quite liked their exchange. It's full of subtle little nuances like the eyelashes, and "remembering her scent in the dying sun." It's too fast and it's out of place and it shouldn't really work as well as it does. At this point I'm just suspending disbelief, regarding my qualms about pacing.

[still not finished :3]

Prologue - I was immediately intrigued by the premise of it being written in the perspective OF a zombie, not a fighter, not a spectator. I liked how you incorporated normal things like homework, or emotions, and how they don't really exist for them anymore. It's quite curious though, since zombies aren't supposed to be sentient, so I'm wondering how the specifics of it works. But yeah, definitely quite original from what I surmise.

Play It Loud - Your style is very casual, and it's easy to get sucked into your narrative. You never seem like you're trying too hard, it's all so comfortable and you've found your voice already. I love the "my ho" thing, and even the "heat flares through the dull numb of the weed." Something about your wording is so natural, so easy to read.

Well Adjusted - The description of Tyler is hilarious. He's like that friend we like and is fun to be around but pisses us off but we don't actually mind.Your dialogue is so damn natural! I'm getting a little jealous. Your narration and dialogue flow very seamlessly. The sudden appearance of the zombie was surprising, but not too jolting. We were all expecting it and you set it up for an appearance soon. His reaction was also pretty realistic, dubious. You've the best characters I've seen in an original fic on this site in a while. They's so relatable, and so easy. Just. You make it seem effortless, to make characters that way, though we know it's far from the truth. "Damn easy reading is damn hard writing."

It's Alright - (by the way, I think it would be better not to center align it. It works for some formats, but not the easy script-like reading of this and actually distracts from the piece). Anyway, the description of being around Marissa isn't overly nonchalant, but not overly romantic either. It's very "guy", which some people just don't get sometimes. He's a little turned on, but still trying to play it cool. I also quite like the high scene. It's not too much. It doesn't make me uninterested. It was just very casual. And his paranoia is understandable, as is Marissa's reaction, since she hasn't seen anything and wasn't paying attention. It's like, all the characters are quite passive, and Nick is undergoing a little development since he's actually thinking lol.

[review's not finished, I'm just posting so I don't lose what I have]

I really liked this story, but not so much for the ending....I mean it was good but really sudden...

Haha.. this was amusing. I should be a little sad or something along the lines, but instead I'm slightly giddy. And yes, it is written in a nice style. :)
Oh, and a little bit criticism - I think you could've worked a little bit more information in the story. I mean, like, how and why this zombie apocalypse began, what caused the virus 'n shit like that. But it was still interesting to read.

I am really enjoying this. It's nicely written and I love your layout. I can't wait to see what you write next.