I think you're doing a really good job so far. Don't think I'm silly but I espeacially took note of your diction, haha. I like seeing a story that uses a wide variety of words. Vocabulary is a must.
Regarding the plot, I think you've got something good going. Admittedly, I do see a lot of stories involving house parties and typical sort of teenagers, but I think you've pulled this off really well. It doesn't seem cliche, and I like the characters. Sadie is definitley interesting, haha. I'm wondering though if there's going to be some conflict between her and Jasmine. That last bit suggested some sort of potential competition.
Here though: He was about six feet tall and extremely good looking. Perhaps you could eleborate on that a bit. Good looking could mean a ton of things; you could describe his facial features a little more and his body shape - is he fat or thin or muscluar? Don't go too over the top though! :) It doesn't need to be all clumped into one paragraph either. Perhaps you were already going to do this, but elaborate on his features gradually, like just mentioning details as the story goes on. For example, "He looked at me with his sharp blue eyes," or something. Right there we would know that he has very striking blue eyes without you bluntly stating, "He had blue eyes." I'm sure you get what I mean :)
Everything else though, I can imagine perfectly. It's coherent and clear, so there was never any confusion.
This definitley needs more readers. It's brilliant so far! I'll eagerly await another update :)
I think you're doing a really good job so far. Don't think I'm silly but I espeacially took note of your diction, haha. I like seeing a story that uses a wide variety of words. Vocabulary is a must.
Regarding the plot, I think you've got something good going. Admittedly, I do see a lot of stories involving house parties and typical sort of teenagers, but I think you've pulled this off really well. It doesn't seem cliche, and I like the characters. Sadie is definitley interesting, haha. I'm wondering though if there's going to be some conflict between her and Jasmine. That last bit suggested some sort of potential competition.
Here though:
He was about six feet tall and extremely good looking.
Perhaps you could eleborate on that a bit. Good looking could mean a ton of things; you could describe his facial features a little more and his body shape - is he fat or thin or muscluar? Don't go too over the top though! :) It doesn't need to be all clumped into one paragraph either. Perhaps you were already going to do this, but elaborate on his features gradually, like just mentioning details as the story goes on. For example, "He looked at me with his sharp blue eyes," or something. Right there we would know that he has very striking blue eyes without you bluntly stating, "He had blue eyes." I'm sure you get what I mean :)
Everything else though, I can imagine perfectly. It's coherent and clear, so there was never any confusion.
This definitley needs more readers. It's brilliant so far! I'll eagerly await another update :)