It was definitely interesting, although I'm still debating about whether showing the interaction between Lyn and Brian was best accomplished watching it from the outside. It definitely achieves something different than if the audience got to see what Lyn was thinking and feeling, but yeah.
Also, careful with commas since you have a lot of them. And be careful about two vs to, although I really only saw it once when Johnny and Lyn were coming back with drinks.
Interesting. Wondering if the creepy ex is just there by coincidence or if he was brought in by someone else just to freak them out. Or if he's even around and if someone else is just using those things to get under her skin.
I like the story except for one detail. Bailey. She's too young and I didn't realize this story was set in 2006, but that's beside the point. They're in California. The age of consent is 18. If Jimmy has sex with Bailey, he can go to prison and be put on the sex offender list for statutory rape. Seriously, up her to at least eighteen, although even then it's still kind of creepy, although then it's at least not illegal.
Oh fucking holy shit! HELL YEAH! Candy got her ass beat up by Val. Go Val. Okay, so I must say. That Brian is a fucking idiot. Trailing after her like a lost puppy. He really needs to wake up badly! And I sense someone is preggo ;)!
Can I just say, that Candy needs her ass stomped into the fucking ground? And seriously, where are the comments? I mean this is a FUCKING amazing story! I loved the update, and I seriously can't wait for the next.