Tonight I danced - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About It contest.

This was a really unique take on the prompt that you chose, which I really appreciated. I always love reading stories written as letters, it makes them seem very personal and you can always learn so much about the characters from them. I liked that we didn't know he was dead until a paragraph or two into the story, it was almost like a twist in the story, but it was logical choice as well. I also liked the progression of the story, at the beginning it felt like she was still quite caught up in the sadness and grief, but as the story went on she explained how she was slowly coming to terms with that happened. Not exactly moving on, but slowly working her way to that point. I thought the fact that she was dancing again near the end really helped make that point.

Something I would have liked to see a bit more of was description. It can be difficult to add descriptions to a letter, because you don't want it to sound awkward or like you're going overboard with the prose, but adding in just a few more descriptions, especially around the emotions the main character is feeling, can really help the reader identify with how the narrator is feeling.

Thanks for entering!

This was amazingly written. A broken heart is definitely not easy to mend when a future has been planned out and the one who has your heart has been killed. I don't think she is whiney though because seven months is a very short grieving time. It took me a year to be able to visit my sisters grave and that was still the hardest thing I had ever done. I like how you show that slowly she's making progress with her sadness. Its very good (:

Wow, this was deep. I have to say that Part of me, a very important part, died with you. was the best part of the story. I mean, it was simply amazing. I liked that it didn't focus on the fact that she was a girl so much, so even if a guy reads this he can easily feel a connection to it.

I sure felt a connection with the story. I never lost a lover, but I did lose my father and I know how hard it is. So, this story kind of felt like home to me. Thanks for writing this because it kind of woke me up a little.

I have to say that your grammar and spelling is amazing. You pick the right words and it all sounds so professional. Again, great job. I'm gonna have to check out some of your other work.

Jeezus, this was pretty damn awesome. The first paragraph was interesting, and when the second paragraph came, it came out of left field, I was not expecting for the guy to be dead. Even when I was reading it, my mind kept going back and thinking that he was alive.

I liked the flow of it, it sounded like a monolouge to me, and that's always fun.

Just little bits of mistakes like, "I don't hurt anymore quiet so much." It should be 'quite' instead of 'quiet', but that's probably a typo.

I wish Mibba had a 'favourites' option ):

Sorry for not commenting sooner, had a lot on my hands. :( For a new type of writing your trying out it was good. Though when I realized it was a letter it seemed more like a journal to me but it sounds good as a letter still. I liked how you wrote it, it made me feel like it was completely real! Great work! Keep it up. :)

For a second I thought this was an actual letter you'd written yourself to somebody in your life!

Anyway, this was really good, and I don't think she sounds that whiny at all.