The Things We Leave Behind - Comments

The layout is just so beautiful. I love the picture behind the title and the group of birds behind the chapter titles. And the patterns in the background are just so pretty and elegant. So overall, the layout is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.

In the two paragraph that were the first chapter, there was so much description. To me, it felt like all time had stopped and all thoughts were on the fact that Rosie is dead. The shortness of the first chapter, I think, really added to the emotion of it because the news was heard in a short moment. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, onto the second chapter. Jane, as was pointed out a few times by various people in the chapter, acted very differently than others who were attending the funeral. She didn't act as was expected, which, like the Father had said, worried others. But for some reason, I really like her ability to quickly move on and accept that her friend in dead in such little time. For a lot of people, it takes months or even years to accept fate and move on.

I really like Father Mackenzie's concern toward Jane. At least one adult worries about her. Since her mother was too worried about how her daughter looked compared to the others attending the funeral. Anyway, this is a really fantastic story so far. Good job and good luck with this story!

Holy fuck, I thought for sure I had commented on the second chapter :l

OKAY. I got a bit pissed off with Jane's mother because she was all like,"why the hell aren't you crying?" and Jane was like,"Stfu I already cried harder than you."

That's exactly what she should've said. I mean, you should know seeing as how its her own mother who lives with her and Jane sounds like a loud crier. Or maybe she cried herself to sleep.

“But you need to grieve, Jane. It’s not healthy to bottle things up like you do. It worries me that you’re not just the least bit upset right now. I know that you’re not a very emotional person, Jane -of course I do, I’ve known you since you were a little girl -but you need to grieve before you move on.”

Okay, this is pushing it a bit. I think he's basically telling her exactly what her mother was saying, it's like they're all ganging up on her.

I really like Noah's character already since he's really sensitive to the matter and is really beating himself up for it instead of one of those guys "ohmygod. She died." But he's all like,"this is all my fucking fault".

I like how Jane saved the worm. That was sweet.

I didn't really find it sad at all. It just felt peaceful for me, the way you described everything, the way the sun was rising and her mother's tears were glistening under the sunlight. I really loved how everything flowed. It was peaceful, not drama filled.

I shall stay subbed c:

Update soon!

First off, WOW is the layout nice. Wonderful job with that haha. The prologue was like 'bam' in your face. I loved the ending line. It really stuck with me. Then on to the next chapter, her funeral D: I hate funerals, their so depressing and I hate seeing my family cry, it breaks my heart</3 But I was shocked at the mother's attitude gosh. But Rosamary's sister was just so, lovely? Hmm, I think I'll use that word. I really liked her. And I very much enjoyed this chapter! I'm subscribing <3

I admire the way you write more then anyone elsee I've told I'd admire there work.
Your descripiton of things is beyound amazing and the way you put out the characters to be.
I love the layout and how the background is elegant and soft.
I will read more becuase I also love the name Noah and how he had a connection with rosie.

Wow. I love this story! Like seriously someone recommended to me and I love it. It has this cold sincerity to it like even the prologue it was just enough to leave the image in my mind to haunt me of how the suicide happened. And Rose's best friend at the funeral and her reaction to it all, it's just "Wow". I may be gushing, but you're doing awesome work. I can't wait to read more. Please update soon.

Layout:

I love this layout! It's simple, the colors go great together and I love the crows in the chapter summery :)

First chapter:

This beginning is beautifully written! I could hear the clock ticking in my own ears. This paragraph was a great way to start out the story because it left me mystified and wanting to read more. The way that this was written to the very last line at the bottom created chills down my spine. Specifically the last line was very well placed because it makes me want to zoom over to the next chapter to find out what exactly happed to Rosie and who Noah is.

Second Chapter (1/4):

The first few paragraphs were written absolutly flawlessly and beautifully. I loved how you extend each sentence with smooth-flowing words so that nothing is choppy and kindergarten sounding. I will sub and I hope to find more time to read this beautiful artwork you have written.

Great job :))

Two words suspended in the air, said from a voice thick with tears.
I love this. With the first line, you've created a huge amount of intrigue and curiousity, almost daring the reader not to want to read on.
And the description you use is impecable. I love the way you used the line imprinting on the back of my eyelids. I've had moments where it seemed like I could actually see the words, when something big has happened.
And the way you describe his pain is so deep and real. Even for such a short chapter, you feel and experience so much.

Rose would have wanted an open church, overflowing with people. She would have wanted pew sides dripping with blooming flowers that drenched the air with their sweet fragrance… not a cemetery where headstones were the only things sprouting out of the ground and the air was thick with the stench of decay.
This is so very relatable for me. Not to sound morbid, but I often think about my own funeral. And I think that I would like it to be just like Rose would have wanted hers.
I love the contrast between Jane and her mother and the way they deal with their emotions surrounding Rose's death. Even though the mother seems harsh, you can tell that she still cares. It's because she cares that she is harsh.

Once again, your description is fantastic. Every detail of Mrs. White's reaction made you see an emotionally distraught mother. Disconnected, almost disbelieving. Wondering how this could have happened. And why.

I feel so horrible for Noah. He is absolutely distraught when he learns he missed Rose's funeral, and I wished I had the power to place him there.

I loved all of this. And I'm extremely curious to find out about Rose's death, life, and where the story goes.
You've got yourself a subscriber. :)

Loved the update! It was very emotional and sad. :(
Hm... something bad always happens to the people you least expect. Rose sounded like a pretty happy girl -- so I wonder what went wrong? What led her... to do what she did? :(
Hm... and I agree with what the priest said in the chapter; Jane should grieve more. I know she thinks she has, but really grieving is over a longer period of time. But I guess that just goes with her character, that being... she doesn't express her emotions too much.
Great second post, though. This story seriously has me wanting more, and I really can't wait for the next update! :)

Oh, yeah this is ummmm.....

totallyawesomeyeah?

So let us keep the updates coming please?

This is completely unrelated, but I think the girl in the banner looks insanely a lot like Macaulay Culkin. But yeah, really pretty layout! It has that sort of vintage-y feel with the floral that I really like! :)

Dude, the first prologue-whatever was awesome. Like, you did not just say "so yeah, basically, she died" you went to the next level of awesome. And just the most random things that made it really, really cool. I'm not even sure why, but the entire "Times New Roman font, size 12" I'm not quite sure why, but I adored that. I've never seen that before, ah. And if anything, you can definitely draw a reader with the ending, nothing like the shock-factor of death!

It's definitely an interesting perspective on the funeral, a lot different than I was suspect from the best friend, but I like it. She has a weird train of thought that's really... practical, to me. The way she talks about how the funeral is and her mother, as if it were just any other day, but it definitely gives a lot of insight into the character, even the small things. Just how even though she knew Rose would like to have a big funeral, it was very small, but it was practical so she was okay with that.

It's more than a little strange though how her mom is a lot more emotional about it than she is, strange but interesting. It really does make me wonder why she's so stone-cold. And it really shows the difference with Noah. I feel so bad for the kid, knowing your girlfriend (or at least, I think they were romantically involved) committed suicide.

This is strange but interesting at all the same time, and I really like it. It's not conventional or normal at all and I really like the characters you've set up. They're really life-like. I really just like this all in general, it's not the usual topic someone would write about but so far you're doing really good with it and I think this has a lot of potential! :D

Oh my God, I actually got a notification of the update, but I wasn't home, so I couldn't comment on it; nonetheless, I was beyond excited to read this! I've already read the amazingness that was the first chapter - excuse the comment if it was crappy >.< - so I'll go onto the second. I love how you begin the chapter with Rose's funeral described my Jane; it shows that their friendship was really close. I feel terrible for her parents - and for Jane and Noah - as they go through this tough time of burying their daughter. I can understand Jane's emotions - or lack of - during the funeral. Everyone grieves in their own way, and she's doing such. I don't blame her :/ And honestly, I expected that Noah would be there too, but then again, I'm sure we know men and time. Anyways, I like how you really delve deeper into Jane's and Noah's feelings as they realize that Rose is really gone. It's heart-wrenching and sad and tragic, but it's life, y'know? This was a lovely chapter and I'd really like to get to know these characters more as the story goes on. It's perfect. Can't wait for the next update :D Amazing job! <3

I like this. alot! _ i got a bit confused who was who in the middle, but brilliant start!

I liked the funeral chapter, it was sad yet showed the emotions-or lack their of- of Jane.(:

Oh my, I really like this one. I loved the Funeral Chapter.. made me all teary but thats okay :3

Sorry the rest of that comment is italicised, it wasn't meant to be DX

Did you change the title color? It seems darker. I like it ^-^

In the second paragraph you said: ...not a cemetery where headstones where the only things sprouting out of the ground and the air was thick with the stench of decay.
The "where" after headstones should be "were".

I don't know if you can really count this as a mistake or not, but in the fourth paragraph you said: And try to look a little more devastated. This a funeral, for god sakes.
I think God should be capitalized, but that can go either way I suppose.

I don't like Jane's mother. In all honesty, she seems like a bitch xD

In the eighth paragraph you said: and Mrs. White was empty-eyed, looking at place so far away that it would take a long time for her to return.
I think there should be an "a" after at - "...looking at a place so far away...

In the 22nd paragraph you said: She licked her lips, and her gaze fell to the ground like the words she wanted to say where collected there.
Should be "were" instead of "where".

In the 26th paragraph you said: I watched as he helped Mrs. White into the passenger sea ...
You forgot the "t" in seat :3

Again, I dunno if you count this as a mistake or not, but in the 41st paragraph you said: “Oh god, I missed it, didn’t I?”
God can be capitalized there too, but again, personal choice.

In the 51st paragraph you said: But when I began to walk to my car, Noah stayed behind. He was staring at Rose’s grave again, and so I looked to.
It should be "I looked too", not "to".

I loved the last sentence of the chapter. :3

Other than the few mistakes I caught, I thought the chapter was lovely, and I think you should leave it at this length. :)

I like the layout, it's simple but fits well. The only complaint I have is the color the title is in. I just think it kinda blends it too well. -shrugs- That's probably just me though x]

Although the first chapter is short, I think it is fabulous. Especially when you talk of the ticking clock and the "font written on her eyelids." The font thing really got me.

I think I'll subscribe, yes? :3

I like this, it was interesting and pilled me in. The first chapter was well written and i can't wait to read more, and they layout is very pretty(:

I love this, it really pulled me in.
The first chapter was very well written and I cannot wait for the next chapter!
The layout's beautiful by the way. :)

Layout: Beautiful. Its...complex, I guess I should say, but its still beautiful. Like, it all matches the banner(which sort of freaked me out because of the gun) but its still gorgeous c:

Chapter One: Gurl, after this review, I'm subbing. Like, fo realz. I want to know why Rosemary committed suicide, what part is Noah playing, etc. I love that name; Noah. It's very popular these days.

July better come soon.

C: Update soon? <3