May 24th, 2011 at 01:48am
So I read the first chapter, obviously. You'll be getting about 5 comments from me, on each chapter(maybe) and probably just one from Haven. ^^
But anyway, I suggest you go through it real quick, and edit it. I saw some mistakes.
And maybe fix the layout, make the background simple, maybe just black or a seamless background picture(you can look one up on DeviantArt). And maybe use the picture in the background for the picture at the top or whatever you wanna do, and the red is a little harsh. I have the brightness dimmed on my computer screen, and even that makes the red really, really bright.
Okay well, there you go. ^^
And I liked how you wrote it, save for the mistakes. I thought Gabe was the girl, then you actually like...spelt it out with: Here I was a mere boy of fifteen, terrified of sexual contact and a door.
I was pushing the boy that I truly thought would make me happy
As for the actual story...
First of all, I loved the emotion. SO MUCH EMOTION! I don't normally read slash just because I'm not comfortable with it, but that was adorable. Gabe's feelings about Damon and wanting to kiss him but just not being able to...perfection on the emotion, dear.
However, there were still a few spelling/grammar mistakes I noticed. Might want to go through and check over one more time.
I also don't like how you laid out the paragraphs. You should double-space them so they're easier to read. ;)
Other than that, nice job!