I do feel the need to point out that you have a few typos. I'm sure you don't need me to point out where they are. Just read back over your story, and you'll find them. That's what I do. ^_^
I think instead of just jumping to a scene, and telling us that she's outside, then starting the scene, that you should ease into it. Like, tell us that she made her way through a mass of bodies, and tell us what she thinks about it.
*End of constructive critisism mode.*
Yay! All in all, you have a really great plot, and really great characters. You actually had me laughing at their conversations, which earns you many Lizzie points! I think if you try and use those tips I've given you, it'll help further your writing abilities. Oh! And maybe try making your own layout. It's not hard, I promise! I know I love a story with a custom story layout! I'm also glad you like my story!
How I hate this mode...Anywho!
I do feel the need to point out that you have a few typos. I'm sure you don't need me to point out where they are. Just read back over your story, and you'll find them. That's what I do. ^_^
I think instead of just jumping to a scene, and telling us that she's outside, then starting the scene, that you should ease into it. Like, tell us that she made her way through a mass of bodies, and tell us what she thinks about it.
*End of constructive critisism mode.*
Yay! All in all, you have a really great plot, and really great characters. You actually had me laughing at their conversations, which earns you many Lizzie points! I think if you try and use those tips I've given you, it'll help further your writing abilities. Oh! And maybe try making your own layout. It's not hard, I promise! I know I love a story with a custom story layout! I'm also glad you like my story!
Much love to you! Elizabeth~