Murder can be Graceful - Comments

I will correct it now and I know my grammar is awful lol

okay. first thing. run on sentences. i read the first paragraph and the first thing that came to mind was, "What?" run-on sentences more or less kill all rhythm and flow of writing. it also makes the writing sound somewhat uneducated, since you are using multiple ands. paragraphs are supposed to seperate subjects. sentences are supposed to relate to the subject in a sort of sub-category way. i beg you to fix the run-on sentences. there were multiple thoughts in them that couldn't have been simply separated by commas or ands.

sometimes even word processor won't tell you if sentences are wrong. such as this:

'Were her now need help with your bags'
I think you meant, "We're here now. Need help with your bags?"

there were a few spelling errors, easy mistakes:
relised- realized

neice -niece

Chapter 2-

again, please work on run-on sentences. and please also limit how many times you use "and" in a sentence. it gives the paragraphs a very broken and choppy feel. i'm not saying you can't use and consecutively in a different sentence, but just be careful.

minuet- minute (a minuet is a type of musical composition)

a lot of the mistakes you are making are spelling errors i think were overlooked, and also grammatical errors that are easily avoided. i'm not accusing you of not reading over your work before you publish it online, but it's easy to spell check. i think this story will have so much potential if you stop breaking the simple rules of grammar.

'OK do you know Ray'.
"Okay (OK), do you know Ray?"

maneged-managed

CHAPTER 3-

heelsand- heels and

im- i'm (i am)

anyways:

yes. i am insanely critical with my comments. one, because i want you to be the best writer you can, and two, because if you notice these errors now, the chances of you making these mistakes again lessen.

okay. as for the story. it has A LOT of potential. i wouldn't lie if it didn't. just please please please work with the basic rules, and do not hate me. this story has so much to like!

the idea of the story is interesting, and i'd love to see where it went. please do continue writing. this story can go so far. it's all in the way you write and word it. i wish you the best of luck.

I really liked this story,and hopefully when you can get used to the spell checker you'll ba AMAZING!!
You're really dragging me into this,I look foreward to reading more!!
xxx

I need to get used to using spellcheck

There are a lot of grammar mistakes in this, but apart from that this is really good. Nice job.

Thx for the comments guys and i was in a rush so sorry if the grammar was not good it will get better

I like where the story is going, though in the first chapter, small spelling and grammer mistakes, your sentances need to be shortened and the paragraphs need to be spaced out. Though I was looking forward to more descriptive language it still it good.

For Chapter two with the man in the alley way you lost me a little though making it mysterious on how he knows the other characters, I loved the scene very much and still some errors but easily fixable. To sum it all up, I love it. I want to see more! I have a feeling Ray might be the one who kills her. >:) So I hope you get something out of what I wrote and I hope I wasn't mean or anything but I would love to know what happens in the next chapter. :)

:)

Okay, I'll try to be constructive, yeah?

Amy had been in the car for ages and she had sworn she would stay awake but instead she had fallen asleep again and she was nervous of moving to the city to live with her aunt and uncle as her mum and dad did not have the time for her or that's what they said her mum was in hospital and her dad in rehab and she had to live with her closest relatives, that was her aunt and uncle and while Amy and her mum and dad had always lived in the countryside her aunt and uncle had always lived in the big city, New York, Amy had only been there once and she had an alright time, there had been Fifth Avenue where she had shopped and The Statue of Liberty which she loved but there had been tramps on the corners of the street that smelt bad and their recked homes, one had walked up to her and asked her for money or food it had scared her because at the time she was only eight.

Your sentences are too long. After you finish writing a sentence, read it aloud to yourself and then move on. When your sentences are too long, uniform in length or too short, your readers' attention can either drift, or just fade away.

She hoped that this time there will be no tramps to come up to her and ask for food although her uncle drove him off she was still afraid of seeing another one coming up to her, but in her head she said 'Amy your fourteen, come on act your age, not your shoe size'.[/.i]

Remember punctuation marks. Skim through, re-read and then include the commas, periods and what not.

'At least i know I'm not the only mad one here now' and Amy couldn't help smiling.

Capitalize your I's.

Paragraphs need to be spaced out; I say this because I got into a lot of trouble a few months ago because my paragraphs weren't spaced out right... Yeah o.O

Above all, I like your idea and I think that if you work it right, you might just have a particularly interesting story in your hands. Again, it's all in the way you handle it.

:)