Like a Knife - Comments

Holy effing shnoodles, man. o: This...oh my goddess. This was sick. Literally. When I got to the part where he began to cut himself, I almost clicked out. It was cruel and merciless, I had to cover my mouth and keep myself still not to just stand up and pace. Perhaps I'm exaggerating. But that was awesome. xD Supah' awesome. It really was.

Your details were fine, the descriptions, the literary devices you used were used well. The writing wasn't too complex, not too simple, it was just the right amount that I needed to picture as if it was a movie inside of my head. I liked it. c:

-Luna

I forgot to comment on this one. Well now I did. I think it would be interesting. Can't wait for more chapters.

Dang it..I thoght there was more...

Woah....
ADD MOREE!!
I love this

Yay! A new story, fresh out've the oven! I don't know who James Morgan is...like if he's some sort of famous dude, I wouldn't know, but he seems like one hell of a character. You did a great job bringing him to life with lines like: My mother refused to let me near her. and I started the three mile walk to my house, sprinting part of the way from fear. These two lines, among many others, show that he's a tough guy, but he's still, inside, a scared little boy.

The house smelt of smoke, alcohol, and sex. I almost felt sorry for this life my father had fallen into. I missed when the house just smelled of cookies and my mother’s perfume. When was the last time it smelt like that? Five years ago? Ten? I shook my head and crept into the back, headed to my old room. Beautiful contrast of homes. This makes the sensory detail even more lucid.

...with the sheets still rumpled but cold. You probably should leave out "cold" since it seems like he's feeling them. Otherwise, it would be okay, but I suggest taking that petty sensory word out.

...backpack down on the floor... Take out "down."

“Everyone hates me,” I whisper into the dark room. The tears dribble out of my lids and down my temples to my hairline. “I wish I was dead.” This fragment of dialogue seems a little unrealistic. Consider cutting it.

And then there's the cussing. Although this is a very intense scene, I suggest using it sparingly. For example, "jackass" is not a very strong curse word. I suggest using something like "stupid fuck" or "fucking idiot." "Jackass" seems a little too light for what you're trying to convey...which is a very, very intense scene.

Other than those minor, easily-fixed issues, I think this is a wonderful story and I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Well done!

Ryan