September 11th, 2007 at 10:24pm
This story is just... wow. The nature of the topic itself is enough to shock, but your writing style just compliments it perfectly. The short, sort of broken sentences mixed with the longer and more descriptive sentences just go with the themes of chaos, and everyone's fear (and courage) during the time.
Well, if you want me to list what I liked about this story I could go on forever. This line, though, was my favorite.
"Her words were as sharp and punctuated as they were shaky, which would have been an oxymoron up until that moment." The sentence is a bit long, but I think it is worded perfectly.
Some thing I didn't like was the ending. I don't know, to me, it just seemed a bit odd. It might have been better if you had separated Adie' dialogue from the paragraph above, like so:
She opened the door a moment later, arms around Adrienne while Billie kissed the top of her head before walking over to Ramona.
"We're going home," Adrienne whispered. "Tre needs her, Lis. And you. We all need to be together right now."
I also think that it would be a stronger, more powerful ending without the "Tre needs her" part. It might be just me, but I prefer more "open" endings, not exactly focusing on one thing, or one character.
Well, I guess that's it. It's a marvelous story and your writing style is extremely extremely engaging. Seriously, I think you're one of the best writers here. Keep up the great work!
Six years.
Six years and I read this story.
And I can still feel the fucking shock and terror in my throat.
This story is amazing, Dru.
I love everything about it.
It's perfect.