Lily's Girl - Comments

Contest Judging

Firstly, thank you for joining the contest.

Layout
Absolutely love it. The photo is beautiful as well as the all white background. The only suggestion I have to make is maybe downsize the text. It's a little too big and I feel like it's unnecessary.

Content
Frail and practically useless, she sat atop of a small girl's dresser for what seemed to be an eternity. the 'of' in this sentence is unnecessary.
But the girl of glass was never touched by a human child. lmfao, Microsoft Word said this sentence should look like this But a human child never touched the girl of glass.
She loved her voice; they way it rang like bells when she laughed. 'the way'.

I couldn't stop reading up until the italics. Up until that point this story was beautiful. I loved the repetition of 'the girl of glass' and 'the girl of flesh'. HOnestly, I was a little disappointed when that stopped and it turned into Lily and the girl of glass. You personify this little person wonderfully, the way she feels but is unable to express. The act of her watching and what not. But when she started moving...I lost all feeling of beauty. I liked that she had a mind and I liked the fact that she was unable to move. But the movement just felt...awkward, if you would've talked about maybe how she could move and made her move while she was alone it would've seemed more realistic in the sense of this type of story.

When it gets to the italics, I didn't like the POV change, I think it should've stayed with the doll. Changing to Lily just kind of was offputting, it wasn't bad but it wasn't as beautiful as when it was with the doll.

. She didn't pick her head up until she felt a tiny thud next to her. She slowly picked her head up and looked to her left. the repetition of 'pick/ed her head up doesn't work here.

It ended way too abruptly. While the reaction was right, because hell I'd do it too, it ruined the story. It lost all that beauty and wonder that I was feeling at the beginning and just kind of made me go 'oh'. I do love that last line though, it was beautiful and kept the beauty that you had started with.

I like how the story goes from sweet to a little creepy and then back to sweet at the end. The description of the doll is amazing - you've captured a good idea of what a doll might feel if it were alive. I love stories about an observer, and this captures the idea of someone seeing a person grow up and falling in love with them day by day really well.

I quite like the all black & white layout; it looks very neat and pretty. I also like the line from Annabel Lee; it makes me think of that cute moment in Holes (: Your first line really drew me in because it was simply put and obscure. The first paragraph made me go awwww and I think it was an accurate description of how a doll must feel. I adore every bit of description; it gives the story a dark feel to it and everything seems so sad. The thought of this doll coming to love Lily is so creative. The ending was so tragic and grim but I really did adore every aspect of it. I don’t think I have read a better one-shot on Mibba to tell you the truth. The idea of this whole story was amazing; I’d never be able to think something like this up. It broke my heart and made my mind spin with curiosity. I don’t know how to describe it but I really loved this and could not come up with any criticism.

This is spectacular! I loved the dreaminess of it. And it's so full of emotion and beautiful description!
I used to have porcelain dolls on my dresser that belonged to my grandmother, and I often wondered what they had seen and heard. What they had seen or heard me do. I even believed that they came alive at night.
I adored this story and have bookmarked it.
Fantastic job =)

I read this 3 times & read it to my Sisters. It is extrordinary. I nearly cried at the end, from the symbolism. Also, I've been told that I always had an unusual attachment to my dolls. I will subscribe so that I won't lose it.

Okay, that was bloody amazing and it no doubt at all captured my interest. It was incredibly well written and I cannot wait for more. I want to know what happenes next! Immediate subscribe. Update soon, please. ♥

Absolutely wonderful!

that was totally awesome :)
fantastic writing.

that was semi creepy, but i LOVED it! It was highly creative and interesting. Good job