Where She Lay - Comments

So, I just reread this again tonight, Ashleigh, and I must say...It makes me feel even more emotional than the first time (which was pretty hard to beat since I was sobbing my eyes out, as I do recall.) It's just so emotional to see his pain written so clearly in this piece. Tara was truly the love of his life; the woman he wanted to be with, and for her to be dead...God, how hard would that be? I really do understand that now because I've actually found someone to love like that, someone I can't imagine life without and honestly just... Gimme a second because now I'm tearing up again and it's just tearing me apart.

You wrote this like Ronnie writes his songs--with emotion, purity, and so much heart it's like you freaking pulled your soul out of your chest and put it on a silver platter for the reader to pick apart and analyze at will. Brilliant job, Ashleigh. I know I've said your writing is amazing before but this...this is truly one of your best yet.

*le tear* D-D-Damnit no tears, no tears, no tears! I've never been this sad since Fred died. Harry Potter,
This is the true meaning of poetic, no, angelic! I can't write anymore of this comment, because, honestly, words can't express how much how sad/poetic/epic this is.

Droplets of ran dribbled - rain :)

Droplets of ran dribbled down the glass window, mirroring the silent, bloody tears that ran down his cheeks. - really like this. I think it's a lovely parallel - macabre, but lovely all the same. I like that it sets up the nature of the story - the anguish, sorrow, despair, etc.

I like how It's so wrong really comes into play at the end of the piece. Like, the whole time you're reading, you're just thinking that he's lying next to and talking to a dead Tara. And at first the part set in 2004 where she dies, you're like wait, I thought she died in the present, and while you're confused for a bit, the last part makes a whole lot of sense. :) It's quite good what you've done there. It's great how you're telling the story from his perspective so the doll is lifelike, but then as you go back through the past, you show that it's not - and then that brings the reader to an outside view to see that the new Tara is a doll. It's just really well written. It kinda reminded me of Sid and Nancy (in the movie) how he goes to her. That's what was playing through my head.

It's a really well-written piece. :)

Ashleigh, I can't begin to tell you how amazing this one-shot was. I've been itching to leave a comment on it, and now I finally can, and just....gah. I can imagine walking into a book store and buying this, or reading it in a literature book for high school students so they could pick it apart and get the little, hidden messages behind all of your words and....honestly, I think this piece is better than ninety percent of anything I ever read in high school. The way in which you write is so creative and unique; it's never been done before. It's beautiful and it honestly does bring to mind Edgar Allen Poe, and Jane Austen, though perhaps a more macabre version of Ms. Austen. I think that this was so fluid and gorgeous, and I think that of all one-shots on Mibba, this could very well take the cake. ^_^

Wow. just. . . I've never been so speechless. Your writing style is so unique, and I mean that in the very best way possible. The way you word things and use description is amazing. You need to write for a living. You would be such an incredible author. I can really see your stuff being in literature books and such.

This one shot is probably one of the best I've ever read, and I can tell you put a lot of effort into it.