You know I'm addicted. I really am. But where's the Jasper love? This is supposed to be a love story and he's been basically MIA for the past couple chapters. :) other than that I loooooove it thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!
To tell you the truth, neither am I a true Twilight fan. I also have read the books and was forced to watch all the movies but it really didn't go for me. But I did read you story and found it really good. The title suits the story very nicely. Your idea and plot have worked together well. I also remember reading your story before but I don't mind reading it again. Keep up the good work. :)
I don't like Twilight, I read the books and saw the movies, but in all, it wasn't something that interested me. But, like I said, I said I would read and comment on your story, and I read small bits of it and looked over chapters.
So I will comment on the actual writing of the story -- it moves really fast. Almost too fast. The pace is odd because the tone lacks enough emotion. I can tell you, if someone was following me? I would most likely take out my car keys and stab him -- or run, deluding myself that since I was a track star, I can out run anyone.
Instead of showing us how characters are, you tell us. Your sentences are choppy and offer no variety, which gives a boring tone to the story. The tone she reflect the mood of the character, especially in first person -- I would be terrified, I would have a lot going through my mind if I was changed into a vampire. I would manage, but my words, actions and thoughts should reflect my utter confusion.
And the other characters she interacts with? They need depth -- their reasons should be reflected through their actions, it'll give them more dimension and make the reader like them more. Don't take anything I said offensively, it's just what I saw in your story. It has potential for people who -like- Twilight. So, good job.