September 5th, 2011 at 09:17pm
First off, I adored absolutely everything about your summary page. The format of the summary was wonderful and that banner picture was absolutely gorgeous. I love Norman Reedus. And I'm always in for some really fucked up, twisted stories so this was a double whammie! In the first chapter, I noticed a few small mistakes; mainly homophones, like suite instead of suit, I believe. Nonetheless, you were right; the first chapter really was fucked up. But I enjoyed Norman's character; you gave him some very good development and there was enough mystery around him to keep the reader interested.
When the dialogue in chapter two started, I noticed something unusual. "I'm sorry, I don't smoke."She frowned. The lack of a space between the quotes and the next word bugged me a little bit. Your character development of Elizabeth was great as well, while we're talking about chapter two. I think that you did a good job at creating a very vulnerable woman who just wanted some affection... I have a bad feeling about this. xD
It furriated him... I believe the word you were looking for was infuriated. I'm sorry I'm being so nit-picky, by the way. =/
I really want to read the novel that this is based on now. Dean Koontz is quite a good author and I'd like to see how that novel inspired your work. Overall, I really thought that this was a very interesting piece, unlike anything I've read before. However, I'm not sure how I felt about the ending; it just seemed like Norman figured everything out too easily, if that makes sense. I also saw quite a few word errors that were occasionally distracting. Other than that, I thought this was very interesting and I think I'm going to go watch The Boondock Saints now. xD
That was really intriguing about this.
The layout and the banner complimented the story well, I think. And the title really matched the story - especially the last chapter the most!
I was really drawn in to this because I just wanted to know what was going to happen next and such.
Amazing read.