Desensitize Me - Comments

I love it when you update this! <3
So my favourite bit was this The edges of his eyes were shallow dark jade pools, but closer to the pupils those pools turned into a lifeless, never ending murky green sea. His shoulders seemed to slump as the color drained from his face, rushing away from his skin completely. It looked like Frankie had died all over again, and all I could do was watch, watch as I did that to him.

However the whole concept of the Mating Mark was amazing and truly original, I love it so much. And I love this and I love you!! I'm SO proud to call you my wifey! Well done honey pie! <3
xxxx

Whoah, I just realized i was waaaaaay behind xDD
But i've just caught up and it's wonderous!!!
-m-m-m-moooore??- 833

Oh my gosh. I've just read all of this. It's great! Update soon!
You're writing is wonderful, it's so nice to read. So, wait, basically Gerard and Frank had a past life together that Frank doesn't Remeber? But he keeps getting flash backs? And Frank died somehow as a kid.. And was reborn? Am I right? Just making sure I'm really understanding the story xD keep up the good work! :)
<3

Okay, I just came across this, I'll check it out later & I'll subscribe so that I can find it again xD I'll let you know what I think :)

Wow, I really thought Gerard would save him. I mean, he broke through and heard Frank say 'help.'

OMG OMG YOU UPDATED.
Urgh I just fucking LOVE this story. Your writing is so beautiful! And you caught me on my day off from work so I have all day to leave you this amazingly detailed and well deserved comment wifey <3 To make up for the lack of profile comments too!! <3 <3

Okay so there is one thing I cannot get over in your writing, and that's the amazing art and shee talent you possess in regards to description. Your so fucking amazing at it, I can really see the image before me. I love your updates because I can see it all happening in front of my eyes. It's amazing, here are the examples I liked the most! Furiously I felt myself push passed his shove and struggle against the small crack in his mental marble walls. My energy was rapidly depleting, and I could feel my efforts weaken with each passing second. Before my mind could recede from his completely I heard the faint, weak cry of a voice half way between Frank and Frankie's whimper

Here can I just say all my senses were addressed so expertly, I really felt in the story, I saw, felt, smelt everything. It was the best My heart lept, and suddenly my senses felt too sensitive for any comfortable liking. The wind from the vents was a humid ghost body pushing me towards the so-called monster. I could feel each of my muscles tense and work as a team to raise my forearm that once dangled limply at my side. Colors seemed so much more vibrant, and the darker colors became a deep, endless sea abandoned by its companions the sun and the moon. Frank and Jeffery's scent invaded my nostrils and wafted around my brain. I could recognize Mikey's scent, the scent of others, and the scent of the classroom, but they became the back round picture. Just beautiful wifey!

This was a gorgeous piece of description that actually made feel incredibly tense, I was on the edge of my seat, no joke. God you make everything so real, it's such a talent.Frank snapped, jerking his body away from me as though I had the intention to set it on fire. There was a sharp pain in my chest as my lungs tightened. The shards of my glass heart lodged them self in my throat, preventing me from speaking. I could not breath. I could only watch the glare from Frank's eyes contort his facial expression into one of anger.

This right here could be poetry, real poetry because it's such a beautifully tragic image My muscles tightened sorely, trying to awaken my shell-shocked heart.

And this ending had my heart in a vice like grip. I was so sad, I'm really fearful that Gerard and Frank alike are going to do things they'll regret :/ I once made the promise to never give up, but promises are meant to be broken sometimes. Frankie was dead, he broke his promise of forever, and now I'm breaking mine.

All in all this was a beautiful update and I am so proud to call you my wifey it's unreal. Well done honey <3
xxxxxx

What's Gerard going to do? I'm so motherfucking scared, now!
Okay, okay... I don't hate Jeffrey that much... He's kinda fine.
What happened to Frank? What's up with him? It's like he's posessed, or something -___-

LOVE YOU «3
XO

I love how this story is so surprising today. I never expected anything that happened. I really hope that Gerard DOES save him! I hope he doesn't back down! I wonder what Frank will say to him in his state?

Amazing, honey; really amazing.
Like, what the fuck does that Mr. Something want? He can't take Frankie away.
I don't like Jeffrey; I don't like the way 'Frank' is acting towards him... I guess this is because of the pills, though :L
That memory that Frankie had while sleeping [like the ones that have been happening to me :L] broke my heart </3 Seriously, Gee was so broken... :L

You're such a talented writer, honey!

Thanks for the shout-out in the author's note, baby (: You're so sweet (:

Love you too «3
XO

I have read your gorgeous update and shall comment to the best of my ability tomorrow cause it's late here. Epic love is on the way wifey <3
xxx

Crazy, trying to keep up with Frank's thoughts.

I wonder who is at the door?

I notice that a lot of people get 'wandering' and 'wondering' mixed up. Is everyone learning the misuse from each other?

You wonder about things, and your thoughts wander. You wander out of a room. You wonder who is at the door. Etc.

:)

I absolutely love this!
It reminds me of this anime called, 'Vampire Knight' and yet, you make it so wonderfully unique...
I love the beginning of how Frank explains everything.... And he makes it sound like mating season is his period (I lol'd a widdle ^3^)
It's a bit confusing but it's really deep and heartwrenching to listen to Frankie so lost (Also, I loved the flashbacks, I wish there were more of them!)
You must continue this hun!

I just read all of this story so far, and I gotta say this is one of the best stories I've read so far.
The idea is great, the writing is amazing, and the plot is amazing as well. The way you put everything together just... it's really amazing.
I like how you put Frankie's inner talking showing off so much, not afraid that it might get too much; and I'm not saying it is too much! It's good to know everything right through Frankie's mind, instead of simple facts.
This story is also very philosophical [is this even a word?], which is a new to me; I think I never saw a frerard that was this... deep and philosophical. It makes me question a lot of things, you see?

I would almost say that you had been writing frerard's for ages, now; really, I wouldn't say you're a newbie.

This is magnific, please keep up with it asap (:

xo

update*
urgh I was so bashed in by awesomeness I like totally made a stupid typo

Okay so I have a huge problem.
WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE ONLY FOUR FUCKING COMMENTS?
THIS STORY IS THE BEST I'VE READ ON MIBBA AND I DEMAND IT HAVE MORE COMMENTS.
-huffs-
But that fact is true^ I am so in love with your writing. It's beautiful, the decriptions are so unique, I see everything so clearly like I'm in the story. THE PLOT LINE IS SO FUCKING AMAZING IT HAS ME ON EDGE WHILST READING.
OH MY LORD.
Please be my mibba wife and notice meee. Pleaseeee. -claws at trouser legs like a cat- Pleassse.
Urgh I can't actually describe how this story makes me feel, there are just too many amazing emotions going on in my head.
I'm actually face melted by the sheer brilliance you possess.
PLEASE MIBBA MARRY ME OMG.
But yeah, holy motherfuck. This is just sheer beauty.
I really can'y wait for the next story, I'm crying inside because I have to wait you know?
But that's good it just shows you're a fucking terrific writer.
I loooooooove you xD

i absolutely cant wait for more updates i <3 this story awesome job on it (:

You did good ending it on a curiosity again. Mikey and Frank are going to talk!

You forgot the line breaks, though >.<

You know you can edit the chapter by going to My Mibba > Stories > Desensitize Me > click on the edit button, change it and resubmit it? (Took me some to get used to that when I first started doing stories on Mibba.) Editing won't send new notifications of chapters btw.

What I mean about paragraph breaks is to hit the return button twice rather than just once when you're going to the next paragraph. It's the only way to do it, because indentation doesn't show up on Mibba.

PS: Tonight OR tomorrow, not Tonight of tomorrow, in that last bit.

Okay, read the second one! I like it, too. I like how Mikey's thoughts show how attached he is to Frank, and there is a hint about how he doesn't like the way Gerard treats Frank, which is an intriguing mystery and makes me curious to know more about that particular part.

When Gerard put his hand on Mikey's shoulder and one of the things it meant was, "This is happening," I thought that was nicely put and gave a profound tone.

I can think of reasons why people would be prejudiced against and pick on Incarnates, but none of the reasons I can think of have been talked about or confirmed in the story, all that has been said is basically that the school has the stereotypical bullies. I would think that Untouchables, knowing that they themselves and their families may become Incarnates when they die, would have an interest in protecting their future by protecting Incarnates. They should be very angry when an incarnate is bullied, and bullies should be very afraid of making the untouchables angry, since they seem to have the most power. Basically, the bullies are beating on Untouchable's dead relatives, which seems like something that would be a direct affront to the Untouchables and should be more taboo and unheard of, or at least done in a more sneaky, not-going-to-get-caught sort of way. It shouldn't be so blatant, and they shouldn't be able to get away with it like that. Why are they not afraid of doing that to Frank? I don't really understand why Mikey's parents would be prejudiced against Incarnates, for the same reason. Their own parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles make up the Incarnates. Just because they lost a lot of their power, they are shunned and left to be bullied and beaten by the middle race?

I just finished reading the first chapter.

I like the "love across class differences" theme. Frank's situation makes me really want Gerard to take an interest in him and make his dreams come true, improve his life and make him happy. I also like the idea of him getting a prince, if Gerard really is royalty. Was that a figure of speech for an untouchable, or is he really royalty? I guess to Frank, either way it is pretty much the same lol.

I think the writing is pretty good, but I do see some improvements that can be made. The first thing that I would mention is line breaks! You should have double spaces between every one of your paragraphs to make it easier to read, not just here and there.

Also, words need to pull their weight, and simpler is better. If there are two ways you could say something and both do the same amount of work but one is shorter, pick the shorter one. For instance, if you can't tell me why "fleshy barrier" is better than just "skin" then I think you should just say skin. Otherwise, as I read I think, 'What the heck does she mean, "fleshy barrier?" Then I think, OH, SKIN. But, why is she calling it that? Why doesn't she just say skin? Is his skin not like normal skin, so it needs a different name? Is he fat?'

Creativity in writing has only one purpose, and that is to convey meaning more clearly. Creative metaphors, creative wording, it all is just a tool to make the reader understand better whatever it is you are trying to convey to him.

I would also try to tighten the wording during Frank's daydream in the beginning. It made me have questions rather than making me feel informed about what was going on. How is it "displaying" each individual strand? Which way is his hair curving? Why is Frank noticing lack of sound in a daydream as if it wasn't a daydream, but real? Is he so delusional that he can't tell when he's daydreaming or when it's reality, or is he having a vision? If he IS daydreaming, then why is he seeing something so mundane and that happens every day rather than something he wants to see? Why is he just reliving Gerard walking into class? Why not thinking about kissing him or what he would say if he talked to him?

It sounded like it was real because of those things, and then it turns out that it's a daydream and it just kind of didn't compute in my head.

Am I making sense? Does this help?

I hope so. I have to go now, but feel free to ask me questions if you want.