The Tragic ending. - Comments

Thanks for the comment. Yea I did not delve deeply into feelings as I should have. I did not have a clear mind when writting this. I'll edit it and you should read the last chapter. I believe it tells more feeling than in the first.

I thought you have a good start going so far. I personally hate reading break-up stories, but I liked how yours started. It got right to the point and from the story's title I knew something wasn't going to end well for the main characters. I've read the first three chapters and the two main characters are cute and it's sad that they broken up, at first I thought she was pregnant, but that quickly changed.

However, with that being said, you have some grammar issue going on that could be fixed with a read through. And I wish I saw more feelings into the main character. The break-up scene in the beginning didn't really sell how terrible an experience could be. It was like it didn't even bother him when I know that wasn't the case from the next two chapters I've read. If you fix those problems, the story could actually work and flow a lot better.

Please let me know if I need to change the layout. Also any comments criticism would be apperciated. Thanks :)