Fucked Up and Over - Comments

  • volta.

    volta. (1000)

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    were using." he - using," he

    He looks at me and I realize that I'm supposed to say something and what I'm supposed to say is obviously not what I'm going to say because do I ever fucking say anything right. - I like how this is a mouthful to read, but it's a good mouthful because it really makes sense in your head and the flow is just right. :)

    he just keeps giving me these glares with his eyes and thank god metaphors aren't real otherwise I'd probably be dead from the fucking daggers - This is also a neat line, I like how you don't use the metaphor in a conventional way as would be expected, you know? It's written about and that's quite neat :)

    So the next day when we're walking to school and thank god we don't have to go by that stupid and I try and bring it up. - is tree meant to be mentioned in there by any chance?

    I quite like the way you've narrated this, I like the language and how it's definitely colloquial enough to be believable, it's not like some half-assed attempt at all. :) I also like how there's this issue of Billie's happiness, and you're not quite sure, like the narrator...and then all of a sudden it makes sense at the end - and everything fits together. I like how it's not so intense either, like it's more confusion and understanding on one side rather than a narration full of angst on why doesn't he like me? kinda thing. :) It's different, and it's neat. :)
    March 29th, 2011 at 08:31am
  • Roshambo.

    Roshambo. (100)

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    In all honesty--this is my favorite story on mibba. In a sense it's almost poetic and very fast-paced. I love it.
    April 29th, 2007 at 06:01am
  • Valium Freak

    Valium Freak (600)

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    this awsome dude
    January 14th, 2007 at 10:35pm