Invisible - Comments

This was really cute c: but I just have one question: in the end, does that mean that now she can see him, too? But other than that it was a really good story :D

The second background kind of hurt my eyes because it was so light. When I first read the summary, I got an impression he was a ghost and I was right, aha. I like how this derived from your usual typical horror ghost stories and it turned out into a light happy romance, and I like how you developed Ryan and Alexa's relationship rather than going for it straight out because it shows their attraction for each other and the ending was sweet. I think their dialogue at times was unclear, as someone mentioned, I wasn't quite sure who was speaking but other than that, it was a cute story!

This is ridiculously sweet come the end! I love how you have their relationship develop and then how they got together. It just made me really happy! I don't know why. I usually would have been really pissed for her being so selfish, but I just kind of got giddy and happy instead. I really liked how you wrote this, all the little details. My favorite scene probably had to be the flour in the kitchen though. I just thought it was so beautiful and it just connected with me really.

I'm going to have to agree with the person above me. It was the cutest thing I've read in a while as well. I just couldn't get enough of watching the two of them form a bond. I wanted to keep reading more and more.
It was so sweet when they kissed. I think my heart may have melted a bit. x)
The story was well-written and nicely done. The layout is simple, yet cute and easy to read. Your characters were very lovable. <3 Well done. I'm going to bookmark it so I can read it again and again.

This was adorable, literally the cutest thing I've read in a while :3 I loved it! I liked the way you developed Ryan and Alexa and how they just seemed perfect together. Like I said this was really cute, great job :)

This was *amazing*...great job! It was so cute, and I loved your layout, by the way. Although it was a tad bit long, you really explained Alexa and Ryan, and I really, really, really liked it. Great job!! :)
Thanks for joining my Alphabet Contest, btw. :)

First off, your layout was simple but very nice. There were a few lines in your summary that sounded awkward to me, the same lines that the first commenter above mentioned actually. While reading your story I noticed a few minor grammatical errors such as; "Why don’t you join me.” There should be a question mark instead of a period there because why indicates an interrogative sentence.
There were also a few parts of dialogue where it was unclear who was speaking. These were the lines where there was no enter after the quotations but prior to the person's name. This made it seem like Ryan was speaking for instance, when it was actually Alexa.
This was a cute story, parts of it were predictable like when Ryan was covered in flour so that he would become visible, but still very adorable. The metaphor of exploding stars was a very nice alternative to fireworks.
Despite some parts being a little unclear, this was very well done!

AWWWW I love this. It's so cute, and the idea is brilliantly original!

:D
<3

Layout and Banner: simple, elegant and very beautiful. Well done.

Title: Of course, not the most creative, but simple and sums up the story beautifully.

Summary: Brilliant. The last line is a killer. However, I found the first part slightly clunky. The first sentence is brilliant but then the rest...
Instead of Now, this phenomenon is not so rare among teenage girls. Then she meets Ryan David. It also isn't rare for girls to meet boys; I was thinking: This phenomenon was common amongst teenage girls. It was also common for them to meet boys, much like Ryan David was.
or something like that. It just seems more formal, less... strained. Just a suggestion :)

The Story: First paragraph seems clunky as well, especially the first sentence. I'm sure you could tweak it to make it flow better, but I'm not entirely sure how.
“Hey, Ryan, good to see you again,” This confused me. Did the woman mean to say Ryan or Andrew?
Why don’t you join me.” QUESTION MARK!
“I’m sorry.” Ryan was quiet after that for quite a while that she almost would have forgotten he was there if...
There should be an ENTER after 'sorry' and Ryan so it doesn't look like he's saying sorry.
ling. “Thank you, Alexa. That was the first time that I ever said that aloud to another person.” Same here. An ENTER after 'feelings' and before 'thank you' :)
cramp bathroom... It should be 'cramped'

THE ENDING WAS SO CUTE! I kinda saw that coming just before hand but SO MUCH CUTE :D
I loved this; it was quite really written and honestly it was damn adorable. Well done!