Hi, I'm from comment swap. 1. This is a fan-fiction and needs to be labeled as such. 2. You really need to check your spelling and grammar, it's atrocious. You need to capitalize "I" when referring to the main character. Also, when writing dialogue, it needs to be in different paragraphs. Example:
"Okay, that's the last of it," I said, looking back at the house that I used to call home."
"Well, let's hit the road before I have to pee again," Kat said, hopping in the back of the car as I got in next to her and shut the door."
3. These characters sound like they're ten. Most ten year olds don't swear. 4. You have a good story idea, and I'm sorry I'm being so critical but you do need to capitalize proper nouns, check your spelling and grammar and use actual paragraphs.
1. This is a fan-fiction and needs to be labeled as such.
2. You really need to check your spelling and grammar, it's atrocious. You need to capitalize "I" when referring to the main character. Also, when writing dialogue, it needs to be in different paragraphs. Example:
"Okay, that's the last of it," I said, looking back at the house that I used to call home."
"Well, let's hit the road before I have to pee again," Kat said, hopping in the back of the car as I got in next to her and shut the door."
3. These characters sound like they're ten. Most ten year olds don't swear.
4. You have a good story idea, and I'm sorry I'm being so critical but you do need to capitalize proper nouns, check your spelling and grammar and use actual paragraphs.