Hey. Okay, I decided to start giving feedback now because I'm itching to see how well this contest pulls together as there have only been a few entries and they're already so great.
I really liked it. I love the title, it just hints at something mysterious and almost fantasy-esque.
I love the twist within a twist at the end, where her brother turns the fan on by accident, it's genius and made me smile a little - even though it's quite sad :).
I liked the way you managed to describe her dreamless sleep, it was dark and... cool... I can't think of a better word :S. The fact that you said 'ebony' rather than black, just made it that little more exotic and intelligent, which also brought a smile to my face :).
All in all I thought it was written really quite well, there were a few mistakes but it hung well and made sense which is always nice. The layout fit well with the story, it gave it quite a dark feeling.
And I really liked the plot and the way it fit in with the disorder was pretty cool :). I liked the way the first chapter was quite vague and didn't explain who 'he' was, great!
All in all, a great piece. Keep writing great stuff and good luck, I'm sure you'll do well :D.
June 13th, 2011 at 01:51am
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The Melancholy life of Deirdre Rose.
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I really liked it. I love the title, it just hints at something mysterious and almost fantasy-esque.
I love the twist within a twist at the end, where her brother turns the fan on by accident, it's genius and made me smile a little - even though it's quite sad :).
I liked the way you managed to describe her dreamless sleep, it was dark and... cool... I can't think of a better word :S. The fact that you said 'ebony' rather than black, just made it that little more exotic and intelligent, which also brought a smile to my face :).
All in all I thought it was written really quite well, there were a few mistakes but it hung well and made sense which is always nice.
The layout fit well with the story, it gave it quite a dark feeling.
And I really liked the plot and the way it fit in with the disorder was pretty cool :). I liked the way the first chapter was quite vague and didn't explain who 'he' was, great!
All in all, a great piece. Keep writing great stuff and good luck, I'm sure you'll do well :D.