Chariot - Comments

Contest Judging

Firstly, thank you so much for joining my contest. :)

Layout
I like the photo you've chosen and the background and everything else color coordinates wonderfully. I'm not normally a fan of a nonwhite background with nonblack text, but it fits the color scheme perfectly so I'm willing to let it slide.

Summary
I like that you have that creepy ass nursery rhyme in there with the desperate dialogue beneath it. I can feel her fear and everything else that would come along with that type of emotion. The only thing I'm relatively confused about is that I thought it was Ashes, Ashes not Ashes, Achoo.

Content
No idea what the title means so I won't even attempt to say anything about that.

I like the sort of naive way this main character talks. She just thinks the priest is being a dick instead of possibly telling the mother oh hey your daughter is dying. But I like that her first concern is her mother's happiness instead of her own well-being. I like the start of this because it kind of jumps right into the middle and while still a slow start, it works. The descriptions all pan out lovely, and I can see the room. Although I'm imagining a sort of barn for some reason.

I'm assuming this is about the black plague? Because isn't that what that nursery rhyme represents? I like that you're taking a historical thing, pairing it with that creepy ass rhyme and giving us a story. It's written wonderfully, and I just love how innocent this little girl seems. I would like a better description as to how she's feeling sick though. What exactly are her symptoms?

She watched as he made the sign and began praying. what sign? I know just because I'm assuming it's the father, son, holy spirit thing but you should be more specific about that. Some people might not understand what sign you're trying to convey. For all we know he could be making a cross with his index fingers and warding away the sick children.

I like the vague ending, but I'm confused as to what happened exactly. I think you could keep it vague but still tell us in a way what happened exactly if that makes sense?

Anyway, great job. :)

I thought this was very intresting and I really got the story

At the end of your first paragraph its since* not sense. :3
I love how she is so much more concerned about her mother than anything else. It's cute and a lot like how a little girl would be.
Dark words spilled from the man's lips like a thick poison, viscous and acidic. I really liked this line.
I think the way you ended it so cruelly was fantastic. I really enjoy a dark story.
The layout was really nice, and it all matched very nicely. :)

Aww :) this is so good! I love the way its been wrote and the whole idea of it! XD Everything worked so well

I’ll start by saying the layout is absolutely beautiful! I stopped for a second after I clicked on it to really take it in. The way the flowers and the orange-y border pop out. It’s really great.

Oh my gosh. Okay. This is seriously one of the coolest stories I have ever read. It hit me after the first paragraph with her being on the straw bed, plus the “Ring Around The Rosie” rhyme and then that’s she’s really sick that you’re talking about the plague? Right? I’m probably wrong, but that’s what it made me think of. Even if it’s not, I don’t think I’ve ever read a story of a dying sick girl, and this is just such a good idea and yeah :D

This is a really sad piece. I mean, here’s this little girl that has friends and she wants to go better and play with her friends and she obviously loves her mother a lot and then you bring in the questioning of ‘why does God do this’ which totally brings another aspect to the story. The part at the end where she’s slipping away and she knows what’s happening is just really heartbreaking. I want to save her; I want to hug her, but I know I can’t and it’s just wklajgjehagjlfkejkkdlgjhgejr frustrating.

Again, I loved this with the innocence of the child, but the morbid and dark fate of the plague. It makes me sad, and this is going to be one of those stories that I don’t think I’ll forget.

Oooh, this gave me chills. I thought the story layout and banner complemented the story very well. You have a lovely way of storytelling and the image you created was morbid and mundane. You did an excellent job on capturing the emotions of such a time as the Black Death or Plague. The little girl's character was intriguing and her story of being sick and her family and the cruel boys gave me goosebumps. The non-factors of what happened to her family added an extra level of suspense and gave off a lonely feel of abandonment..and that's exactly what the Black Plague did to homes and people of that time period... and you worked well with the nursery rhyme, Ring-Around-The-Rosey. Wonderful job.

This agreed with the cup of coffee I'm currently drinking. :D

Wonderfully heartbreaking story. I enjoyed reading it and it kept me hooked the entire time. I wasn't expecting the ending, which made me love it all the more.

Usually I find stories with little to no dialogue very difficult to get through, but I didn't miss it in this. It had a great flow despite the lack of speaking. I commend you for that.

The layout was just absolutely beautiful and held a chilling tone that went excellently with the story.

Great job. You've definitely set the bar pretty high for the other entrants. ^_^