I Thought I Was Becoming a Maid; Not Your Wife - Comments

This story was actually getting pretty interesting...until the lame love triangle and how her fiance doesn't seem to really care. How she is sleeping beside him when they could just get married first. And wow, she's just giving herself up to anyone :S I can't read anymore, my heart is dying.

"Okay, I'm pausing the story here. My name is Clarissa Patterson. I'm nineteen years old and live with my three year old daughter, Annalisa, in a country called Frescan.

No, Annalisa is not my real daughter.Three years ago when I was still living with my older brother Daniel she showed up on my doorstep as a bundle of blankets. I took her in and kept her. She's my life now.

As stated earlier, my hair is black, long, and curly. My eyes are hazel and I'm 5'7". Annalisa has wavy brown hair that's kept shoulder length; her eyes are blue.

So, yeah, let's start this story back up!"

Why? That's so cliche. You should use your clever detailing to write all this in. We got that her hair is black and long and beautiful when she first tied it up on her way to the door.

Talking about her daughter first would have been better, instead of dropping it in the middle of an already started story. Use your writing power, aka: Please edit!

Lol, I like your status. I am usually one of those fans. Anyways on to reading...I hope the cliches subside..

My thoughts range from arranged marriage to my goodness she's in love with the butler and than she decides that she must be with the prince and make a baby with him. Who would think that a little town sort of girl would marry the prince. And to make a baby with him so quickly and after flirting it up with the butler? It just amazes me how the Prince will let things fly by just because he's in love. It amazes me.And I love the little girl she basically adopted, such a cute addition to the story. And how the prince gets along with her is even better!

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! UPDATE!!!!!!!!!! lol please <333

Yes I agree with you, each chapter I see things speeding up quite quickly...

Haha well this last chapter here...she gets pregnant, I was expecting that but not so soon soo pretty much Im left in a "Wow." It's seems really cute, but kind of short. xD

I love te preggo chapter!!!

this newest chapter isn't long enough. i feel like i know what's going to happen though!

Yes I totally agree with xxxblack-fantasyxxx, I believe that Lucas has been left in pain and in a disastrous moment. Though I'm very happy for the two lovers Clarissa and Terrian, but what will be of Lucas? If I may say a suggestion- Lucas can meet with Clarissa's friend at the wedding and then Clarissa's friend would be the one that first notices Lucas and starts to like him, there on after maybe Lucas can start liking her... Your story you write it as you want, just a suggestion. ;)

I'm glad Clarissa picked Terrian but now Lucas needs someone too.

Can I just say this? YESSSSSSSS!

I think that the whole Terrian and Lucas twist is awesome and I believe that if it wasn't becuase of Lucas this story would be no fun...I love how you're putting everything together awesome story/chapters ;D xD

I really hate Lucas now. Honestly. :P I wish Terrian and Clarissa could just confess already.

I really like the story, and I really like the characters and want to see what happens with Clarissa and the guys. :)

I love the story its awesome and I like the way you put a lot of personality into each character. I can't wait 'til you write more so I can read all of it, surely this story has a bit of tragity in it but I have laughed and I have also been left in awe, this story is amazing, great story once again, can't wait 'til you write more so I can read more!! ;)

Erm... you made a funny mistake in chap 6 - u put 'So... Who are we doing today?' instead of what. XD lol

Tho, I really like this story so far =] It has originality and humor ;]

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who wants Terrien to get Clarissa. :P Can a girl show up and magically become Lucas's everything once Lucas and Terrien have fought it out?

Alright, well you asked for feedback in your short summary and I needed something to do.

First, I like the layout it's simple and purple is my favorite color... just had to say it. lol

Anyway, in your first chapter there is this awkward cutaway to decription. I think it takes away from the story a bit when the information could easily have been given during the story with description in the tags. However, I also think it gave a view of Clarissa's personality. As the chapter progressed I found that you don't really describe the place, I mean you mention doors and people, but not the actual room. I just can't get a picture of the ballroom.

"The majority of the girls were also wearing revealing clothing." I thought that was funny, since from the description of her out fit, I figured she was wearing a short jean skirt and a tight blue top and it came off as if she was saying she was the only one not dress that way. Made me question how revealing the clothing was. lol

Also, the prince was hardly described, when he first says something you say he has green eyes, but it's not until the second chapter that you say he's a blond. Um... Oh, and you never described grandma. Is she really old with gray hair or does she still have a color?

I like the dialogue, it's pretty much how a person talks, but when she tells the prince about herself I think it's a little awkward.

At one point you say "... and break her home..." I think you mean bring.

Later you do a similar thing "Now you're going to get your daughter and bring her hear..." It should be 'here' not 'hear'.

Other than those typos it's pretty good, I'm really liking your characterization. The M.C. is pretty clear in my head, personality wise. The only real complaint is that I think it comes off oddly that they asked girls to come and try to be his maid, but he's really looking for a bride. That just comes off as fishy to me. Anyway, it's very cute and I'll probably continue reading just to see where this goes.

Hope that was the feedback you were looking for. lol

Yeshh!! Nothing like a (semi)classic prince story. You must continue, I'm hooked, and I usually only read fanfics, so that means your writing is AMAZING!

This looks pretty good XD

Its a very original idea (which I like) and I'm guessing there is some tragic story behind this.
I really can not wait to read more =]