Fruit of Summer - Comments

WHAT??!!!! I don't get it, why didn't tre make out with billie like BJ's mouth was a pinata and he was trying to get the candy out?

There were a couple of minor errors, a missing apostrophe or comma, but you can find them on your own. I won't bother with such trivialities for this one.

Your writing style is actually quite evident in this story. There's kind of that natural story telling flow. The wording isn't always genius, and it's pretty simple, but for some reason it adds to the effect. Nobody ever actually tells stories in real life without stumbling or using unnecessary words or running out of them at times. So it was really natural and simple, and it worked for the story, which calls for nothing but for the reader to sit up and pay attention.

And normally, into the first chap I'd be clamoring for some backstory or explanation to what the fuck was going on, but I get too sucked in to care, really. I just opted to wait for it to come to me, as I was certain it would as I read on.

One critique I spot is that Frank seems to fit into that "hyper boy" mold that's been shaped for "Franks" endless times after too many skittles (on the author's part, or as he partakes of them in the story). Though I think this story's quite old and everything just fit with everything right after, so ohwells. I kind of got used to him as the story went on.

Haha, and now I'm really into him. After that pretty-eyes exchange. I guess that scene is the sort that endears you to characters.

Aww, that's cute. The blossoming friendship, in every sense of the word.

You know, sometimes I wonder where you got this plotline. Like, a farm and have the characters act as fruit-pickers. Interesting.

I think it was effective that you started the third chapter saying he was pissed, but waited til the middle to reveal why. And it was sweet, a cute friendship that somehow crawled deeper into subconscious and he didn't even realize it. Like Frank was sort of unassuming lovable freak and Billie only realized how important he was until their friendship was "threatened" or so to speak. Nice spin on an old cliche.

And dude, I don't buy this Peggy May. BJ is soooo gay for Frank and he doesn't know it yet :lmfao

Sruti Sruti Sruti,
I confess, I have never read Green Day slash.
But yours... you have a way with words.
Everybody wants to listen. I'll drop everything to ead what you write and I'm never disappointed.
Its so honest and beautiful and you make me need more.
This is awesome babe.
I love the characters and how they interact so naturally.
It's amazing.
:arms: Good job!

I HAVE to read the next chapter. Fast. Get on with it.

OH FUCK YEAH IM AWESOME AND STRAWBERRYLICIOUS! *hugs you like mad* this is too damn awesome "my names frank"

tre rocks man this story is the fucking greatest!!!!

Sroooooooti! Me likey. Never did like Tre-Billie stuff (Trillie?...w/e) but this was really cute. Actually, I always liked stories with strawberries in them....dunno why. It's just that, I guess it makes the whole story...well...strawberrylicious. Tahaa, oh wait, no Taha. I meant Haha. (He's not on here, I hope. ) And I sorta congratulated myself on keeping track of the number of characters... :-) Anyway...you'll TELL me when you update.
:) :) :)

I really like this! Let me know when it's updated, as I think it has a definite direction and is very well written.

And yeah, I know what it's like to have a one-shot that cheekily changes its mind.