Petit Romance - Comments

F-cking hell!

Mibba, Y U POST B4 IM REDYY??!

I apologise for the noobness that is my submit button.

Chapter Two.
That man. That man on the street. Asian? And tall? *drool* Can I have him after Poppy's done? Heh. Can I have him NOW? I know now that Tall-Asian-Hunk is going to have a huge part to play in this story. Because he sounds hot and also, because Poppy thinks he's a prick. My skills of deduction are totally bad-ass, I know.

Chapter Three
Dark, almost black hair, almond shaped eyes, and a small variety pale skin tones. It feels as if "off" is missing, between "small" and "variety."

And that woman, that woman. Oh man. That woman who gave her that address, she is one mean mofo. Wtf is her problem? Idiot. I hope Poppy gets a job wherever, earns herself a million dollars and gets the opportunity to throw it all back in said-woman's face. Grr...

Chapter Four.
Poppy teared the piece of paper in her hands to shreds, struggling to tear up the tiny pieces lastly. Shouldn't "teared" be "tore?"

Wow. Wouldn't it be interesting if magic suddenly did have a play in this story?

I feel bad for hating on that woman now, for giving her the wrong directions. Wonder whether Poppy will actually go ...

Overall : I like this story. It's simple, unique, and insanely cute.

Title Petite romance? That sounds so cute. I'm imagining small people (not children) fall in love. I have no idea why, though, so yeah ... And those anime characters in the page background - too cute!

Layout That banner is cute. For some reason, the ring she's wearing, and the earring, remind me of cake decorations - the icing ones that you can eat straight off the top? Yeah. Hmm ...

Summary
Poppy was never lasted very long with jobs. Perhaps, you must have meant has instead of was?

Personally, I feel as if the summary would look better if it were spaced out a little more. You can ignore that though, because it's just a personal preference.

Chapter One.
Oh dear god. Sexual harassment? Really? That man is a douche bag. A downright trashy douche bag. Grr ...

I like how you're making her try to focus on the cinnamon instead of the fact that what her manager is doing is wrong. Focussing on everything else sorta thing.

I love this story!
I hope you write more
:D

Amazing, simply amazing, I told you I wasn't going to be dissapointed my dear friend. Keep up the good work.

I only read the first chapter but...

First of all, I wasn't a huge fan of the background. I've never been a huge fan of tiled backgrounds of stories and yours seemed kind of...out of place. I think just a pink background with a subtle pattern or something would have fit better. It's really cute, but it just seemed like it didn't really fit. The banner is gorgeous though, I loved that.

I think you should space out your dialogue a bit, also. It just makes it a bit easier to read and seems like it flows better that way.

I really like Poppy's name and her character. She seems very relateable, to me at least, because I always have really crappy luck. Not really with jobs but with life in general :P But I like her so far.

I like your writing style too, it's very simple but elegant. Very nice. (:

You updated so late >:T Why woman? You have the writer's block disease? Hmm? HMM? DON'T LEAVE ME WAITING FOR AN UPDATE? I'm such a hypocrite rofl

I felt bad for her when she was asking God (aka the sky) about why he doesn't like her, is it because she's a freak, etc. GOD SUPPOSED TO LOVE EVERYONE. ESPECIALLY POPPY. But at least something good happened to her

She got hit by a piece of paper :D

That said that the place (I can't think of the name. Hell, was there even a name?) needed someone to help and shit. I laughed when it was like<"Oh, we need someone attractive so ugly butts can stay the fuck away." But Poppy was like,"Oh hey, I'm attractive :D I mean, all my bosses try to seduce me."

I bet Jung is gonna be the boss and SHE'S going to seduce him.

I know ;D

Update soon! <3

I enjoyed reading the next chapter :D
My only problem was that it took a while to get posted. .-.
I like how the story is going somewhere when she begins to turn hopeless, but then,
WABAM!
A magical piece of paper returns her hope. I really liked that ;)
I hope the guy comes back into the story
KEEP IT UP!
<3

I... I'm subscribed, brilliant.

Lets see, I absolutely love how you write the story, the words simply jump off the page, it all gives a certain feel, a certain style to the writing, and I love it. You connected me to that feeling of someone creepy breathing down your neck, sickening you to the very core. This is all something that I can relate to. Baking is one of my favorite pastimes, and I'm wondering if shes going to be a baker or a waitress, since they wanted an attractive employee. I have so many questions, haha.

Umm, lets see, if you want any suggestions, it would be about the character. I feel like she needs a solid character, which hasn't been developed enough in my opinion. She has the skeleton of a character, in the sense she breathes, has things she likes and reacts to issues, but I feel like im missing out on qualities that she has. For instance, I want to be able to know how she would react in a situation while its happening, not waiting to see what she does next. I can connect to what you told me, but I cant quite connect to her.

I cant wait to see what else you come up with for Poppy :) Lets keep in touch about this.

Hey there! First of all I just love the picture you used its gorgeous. Haha and of course the layout is very nice aswell. Anywayz I love Poppy. She's an interesting character; I really like her. I really how how you are so discribtive in almost every detail.

Anyways I just love the story. It reminds me of what so many people are going through now in some places. Not to mention my best friend is asian so I was excited when I first read that. Haha. Anyways the story line is really good and there are so many things that you know could happen.

I couldnt find really any grammar issues, but I wouldn't too much if there were some anyways. Im bad at it myself. But your just fine, no worries.

I really can't wait for some more! Love it!

-Subscribing-

Oxo - Morgie <3

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. D: Poor Poppy. She's always having bad lucks with her jobs, huh.
And she has blue eyes, that's so cuuuuuute. :3 I wish I had blue eyes. And she's asian. I guess I get why he called her a freak and why she's thinking she might be, but I think that's so cool. :D No way she's a freak. Poppy's awesome.

Can't wait to read moooore!

What. The. Fuck. Is all I'm thinking.

First off, your mean for making the cinnamon buns sound so effing amazing and two, WHY WOULD HE FIRE HER?

This first chapter was really good, but I do suggest double spacing paragraphs, not double spacing each line and not ideating just because of Mibba rules, bur that's me being picky.

The character is evil for not giving me any cinnamon buns but she sounds awesome at the same time. I'm curious about her reaction to her being ores so I'll sub and come back to read this when I'm not busy :)

First chapter:

I thought this was absolutely adorable! Well aside from her boss sexually harassing her, hah. Not going to lie, I thought the part where you went back and forth from sexual harassment to cinnamon was super funny. xD

There's one thing I'd change up a bit because it was sort of awkward:

“─I need? Why, not in particularly.”
I think it'd sound better if you changed it to: "-I need? Nothing in particular."

Very cute and definitely like nothing I've ever read before. <3 Good job. :)

Wow, I really like the description with the food! It makes my mouth water just thinking about those cinnamon buns! So far, so good! I hope to see more of your lovely writing soon! :)

Okay, first of all I'm not a huge fan of the layout. I like the banner and such but I don't like the background, I find it distracting. It's not a huge deal though because you can still read easily. (:

The summary really drew me in, especially the last paragraph. <3
I like the name Poppy and I like how she already seems very real

Chapter 1:

Sticky buns are awesome, just saying.

they were filled with such rich deliciousness that could make one swoon and sway and faint into a dream full of buns with cinnamon and dancing sticky notes. This made me laugh. xD

Damn creepy-ass manager. o.e
No really, that is just wrong and sick. D:<

Okay, so then after harassing her he fires her. NICE!

Aha, this was a really good introduction and I loved it to pieces. <33
The only thing I disliked was how the paragraphs were separated, it just looks odd.

Chapter 2:

I like how determined she is and how she's actually pretty funny. :D

_It felt as if she'd hit a wall! What kind of freak muscles did this dude have anyway? she thought as her head tilted upward to look at the face of the man she'd bumped into. A very yummy man, perhaps? ;D

Why is it so special that he's Asian, though? I mean, it's not like it's rare seeing an Asian person.
(I hope I didn't sound racist.)

But yes, he was a prick. A very awful prick but with hopefully a nice body. ;D

Chapter 3:

Okay, I don't get it! D: Why is she all surprised at seeing Asians?!

That place sounds weird. o.e
That woman was really nice though! ( :

She smiled at the obvious logic in her thoughts and opened the door to the antique shop.
__Poppy stepped out of the antique shop, smiling a pretty smile that lit up her face. It was evident she had This confused me, it would probably be better if you double-spaced it or something.

Ookay so maybe the woman wasn't that nice? Ahaa, I feel sorry for Poppy though. I WANT HER TO GET A JOB WHERE THE PRETTY BOY WORKS! :D

Overall, this is a really good story. It's fun to read and I honestly like how short the chapters are because it keeps you interested. (:

Great job! <3 (:

Cinnamon Sticky Buns reminds me of zombies :3

I thought I'll share that. So far this story is very cute, I like the idea that you have going. It made me laugh how she kept running into Asians. I definitely love this story so far. I'm going to sub, I'm very interested in this.

BTW you are amazing for details and flow! Also the layout is adorable!

First of all, the layout.
:I
It is friggin amazing! I love it because not only is it adorable, it oddly fits for your story!
-ahem-
Anyways, Poppy is an extremely likable character to me, she has a personality that I respect an in some ways respect. I feel as though I actually know her the way I can just feel the emotion that your are writing. On that note, your style is very well detailed and also holds a good flow. You don't linger on describing something for too long and you get the moment captured perfectly. I can see the scene, the happenings. :3 I really love it and I hope you continue with it!

The title is very original and intriguing. But I feel like the background could be a little simpler so that it so distracting.

I like the summary also, but I feel like you could start with the quote instead of the paragraph about Poppy's bad luck with jobs. It doesn't seem relevant to the rest of the summary and interrupts the flow.

I think the first chapter reinforces what the first paragraph of the summary explained (another reason I feel it could be eliminated). It did a good job of explaining the bad luck that Poppy experiences, and there are only a few grammatical errors that I found:

Poppy smiled down at the mess that was slowly being made into a recipe; a recipe for Cinnamon Sticky Buns. - The semi-colon is misused, and you could just say "made into a recipe for Cinnamon Sticky Buns" or you could use a comma.

"...rich filling?"

He said dangerously - These don't need to be separate paragraphs.

I liked the blunt ending of the first chapter. It worked well with the rest of the action (or lack thereof) between Poppy and her manager.

The second chapter was entertaining as Poppy ran into the stranger while she was walking. It was kind of funny how he started off so nice and then turned out to be kind of a jerkface. If he does return later on in the story, I think you set up a good place for him and Poppy to pick up because it won't be one of those cliched, "Oh, HEEEEY, I met you once and knew we were meant to be!"

I kind of feel like you point out that Poppy's Asian a lot. I get that it's necessary to establish character traits, but once is good.

I like that you point out in the story how Poppy feels really different than other Asian people though, due to her lighter hair and blue eyes. I feel like everyone kind of feels like they don't fit in at one point or another, so it's a trait that makes you really relate to Poppy.

This is a good start, but there are times that I feel like you get a little over zealous and don't take the time to properly explain things. For example, I was really confused when I read about what happened when Poppy ended up at the address that the lady at the sushi place gave her. I just didn't understand why there was nothing there, which might have been my fault for missing something.

Your descriptions are beautiful, and I think that if you just work on the development a little more, it'll be fantastic (:

Okay. First. I love the banner and background. The whole layout is wonderful, but those stand out to me. The banner is elegant and the background is so cut. Poor, heart broken ball. :)

And, first chapter. I really loved it. Poppy seems quiet yet not ready to take any shit. I like that. I especially love the whole cinnamon, sexual harassment thing. Ah, ha. She's cool; very likable. And I guess so irresistible. I mean, the woman makes kick ass cinnamon buns. x) Arse manager. >.>

you have a wonderful writing style and I only see one grammar issue that's easily fixed.

“Um, is there something─”
“─I need? Why, not in particularly.”
He smiled.
“Why? Did you want to give me something?”
Poppy stared up into his cold eyes, feeling her spine grow stiff.
“No. Not really,” she replied flatly, careful to keep her voice that way.

With this, I would recommend doing it like this:

“Um, is there something─”

“─I need? Why, not in particularly.” He smiled. “Why? Did you want to give me something?”

Poppy stared up into his cold eyes, feeling her spine grow stiff. “No. Not really,” she replied flatly, careful to keep her voice that way.

And the little bit after. :) This can get rid of confusion for who is talking, and the dialogue isn't clumped into one big paragraph. If it was intended, then just ignore this.

But I really do love this story, and am defiantly reading more (also subbing). It's really well written and just plain awesome. I love stories that remind me of manga, and this one does.

Ah! :o The poor girl! That's terrible that she missed out I really hope that she gets luck! <3

Are they in Chinatown? Hmm?

I know these things. Its probably the Asian inside me. Not like that. ANYWAY, on to the story which is why I am about to actually comment if I stop rambling.

Oh, I really feel like this is pointing at me. The sushi place? Full of fucking Asians? IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO ME. PERFECT. SENSE. PERFECT. LOGIC.

Okay, maybe the woman didn't know it had closed down. That could be a twisty thing if she were to return to the SUSHI restaurant in the next chapter. Or maybe she decided,"Hell, why not steal this for me and only me? That would make fucking perfect sense."

OF COURSE IT WOULD.

I could literally see her running through the crowd of ASIANS. Her heels clacking against the sidewalk as her bun bounced up and down. xD Hmm? I'm not trying to point anything out.

ITS A FUCKING ASIAN STORY SO ITS ALL GOOD.

I am already subscribed so I wil...stay subscribed! :D

Update soon <333 [: