Die My Darling. - Comments

I....you.....this.
Mikey's just so....- lemma start again.
Firstly, the layout. It's simple, it's dark (though doesn't prepare you for an axe, mind you) and it's got an awesome banner in.

Now, the first chapter/part. Firstly you made me realise that Gerard does in fact, have pouty lips. And then...you have Frank go and kiss him on them, drunk, even though he's going out with Mikey. After all that you have Gerard being almost....pathetic and Mikey dominant over him with the way that Gerard's reduced to a hysterical, blubbering wreck and Mikey, the one who Frank, in a sense, cheated on, is calm (though, I presume there's like a fire brew in Mikey after he's seen the kiss; it feels like there is just by the description). AND then the ending of the chapter-
'When Frank woke up an hour later, his Queen CD was skipping and Mikey was standing over him holding an ax.'
It's just so fucking casual that it almost has me thinking 'oh, he has an axe. that nice'.
And just plain ugh because your stuff that involve Mikey always does this to me.

Second chapter/part is where it all ties up and ends (even though you don't exactly see the end, you just know it's there and everything). And Mikey's just so calm at the beginning that hell, I even get scared of him slightly. Screw being scared of having a monster appear during the night, the sight of Mikey with an axe whilst staying perfectly calm would be enough to send me crazy with fear.
"his chapped lips pulling back to expose all of the teeth in his mouth like some sideshow horse" it's sort of disturbing that I could actually imagine Frank with that horse-like mouth. It was just so clear in my mind.
And I don't know whether this is just to me or not, but through the whole chapter I felt that Mikey was almost confirming, to himself, that what he was doing was what he had to do by the way he was talking with Frank and everything.
'"Close your pretty mouth," he whispered' HE SOUNDS SO LOVING! Just, ugh, just seeing that on it's own makes him sound so loving, like he's giving him something nice or just doesn't want him to swallow a fly maybe.

Why must Mikey make such a sadistic, but amazing, killer?!

Well, I think I've just written my longest comment ever. And yeah, I leave you with the note of how crazy you sent me with this entry. Just.....ugh.

Never stopping writing about how sadistic Mikey is, okay? Otherwise I will have to bring axe welding Mikey to life to send after you.

Oh my gosh! O_O By the title I should've expected that, but wow. You're really good at the violence and gore scenes. :) It was like watching a slasher movie in story form...if that makes sense, lol. But I loved it! Very nicely written!

Holy fuck, that was really hard to read. My eyes hurt so badly right now, I feel like someone hit me hard on every side of my head. I definitely need glasses now, these lights are killing my eyes. The layout also made it hard, but the layout was still cool, though. And the banner, I thought that was nicely done. It was dark and cool, I liked it. c:

I loved the first chapter. Well, not chapter, but it did say chapter 1, so I'm just gonna call it that. I loved it anyways. I honestly thought that it was going to be with Frank and Gerard falling in love, and whatnot. Like, a romance and all, but it turned to be the exact. fucking. opposite. Maybe I wasn't paying attention to the summary, not that it was all elaborate, which is something I liked about this. But I seriously just was not expecting this to be murder, serious axe-murdering action. It was amazing and truly scary.

I got the hint of the murder when they started talking about Brad, and how it had devastated Gerard to see Mikey destroy him or something. That was a jolt. Destroy him, omfg, murder! o: Connections, understanding, shock, calming, then second chapter. It was hard reading that one because I really didn't want Frank to die. He really was made into the victim here, seeing as he was murdered with an axe and he was crying and genuinely believing what he did wasn't bad. :c It was sad to me really. Gerard really was weak for not stopping him.

I enjoyed reading this, minus the pounding headache. c: <3 Great job.

-Luna

... wow you're good.
I can't comprehend. my life.

Aaaaaah yay, I finally get to see how this ends – if I’m honest I have this horrible feeling that it’s not gonna end all too well for Frankie, unless some miracle happens. The skipping Queen record from the first chapter was just too ominous.

Okay, essay time (I actually wrote so much that Mibba just logged me off lol). I am kinda wondering though, how Frank could be together with Mikey and kind of only see the amazing things about him. Because you’d think psychotic traits emerge in some way or another with time, but with Mikey it’s like somebody flipped a switch and he just turned into Terminator from Hell. Which in turn scares me a little, because I guess this could actually be the fact with some people; some people are just ticking bombs waiting to happen (if I’m going to start using familiar phrases here), it just depends on the trigger. Are there people out there who are just impossible to genuinely know? I’m not gonna get philosophical, it was just… ugh, scary thought.

All Frank saw was a blur of silver and then he was screaming, his chapped lips pulling back to expose all of the teeth in his mouth like some sideshow horse. I love this description and the rest of this paragraph – to describe someone get attacked and seriously injured AND at the same time convey their pain, especially when it’s excruciating like this (I mean, dude – he just lost a couple of his damn toes), is NOT easy – you can quickly end up with a description that is busy and confusing (happened to me several times) because there’s a whole lot of complexity to physical pain and suffering and the situation it’s set in, and you wanna include as much as possible. I love how this is nothing like that, and in addition there’s the TMNT bedspread in the middle of everything, which just makes the whole thing seem more real. Not just blood on the sheets, but blood on the freakin’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sheets; it’s a little detail that simply adds more realism.

But about the “sideshow horse” part, I had a point in there somewhere that got a little lost (oh God, I’m turning into interview!Gerard): I just wanted to say that it was a grotesque image, like something you just wouldn’t associate with the character, but still you need it there because it fits the whole “Mikey+axe” situation.

Mikey does it again: he goes from raging psycho Mikey to apologetic-but-not-buying-it Mikey. It just enhances the creepiness of everything.

"Who's Brad?" I’m like – FRANK STFU. lol why can’t he help but talk? God, seriously. Not that I can imagine but I’d personally be so terrified and in pain I wouldn’t be able to even bother asking who Brad was. I love it though, because he clasped his hand over his mouth so he’s aware of it too; he knows he just blurts out with things.

Mikey was standing there with this look in his eyes, this look that Frank had seen on a nature show once about lions or something. I love the relation Mikey/lion. I think the animalistic sides of people are the scariest. It’s about them doing things you think they’ll never be capable of doing, such as Mikey hacking Frank to pieces with an axe. And I don’t know if this makes sense, but I also think that dehumanizing the attacker is effective. Hey, the attacker seems to have dehumanized the victim slightly anyway. It’s also good, in a way, because you think a human can’t possibly do this, it’s inhumane and it goes against our need to think there’s something good in everyone. Mikey’s grin in the next paragraph adds to that actually; that his eyes went wide in his face and everything, he just does not seem like a human being.

“Didn’t you?” repeated three times in one paragraph was great. And I like how Mikey is twisting the whole thing around and suddenly Frank is the cunning one. Here you have sweet, drunk, I-can’t-help-but-blurt-out-with-stuff Frank, who just wanted to see how soft Gerard’s lips were, and Mikey then attempts making it his fault – like he wasn’t so innocent after all. He’s somewhat of a liar to Mikey and he seeks to justify that. Suddenly there’s an explanation as to why.

Again, the fact that the wrong switch inside Mikey has been turned; the golden flecks in his eyes. I read a Stephen King book once, "The Regulators", where one of the main characters’ eyes changed when he went from “good” to “evil”, like, they went all black. This just reminded me a lot of that and I really liked it.

The interesting thing is that there’s mention of Gerard and wishing Brad had died after he cheated on him, and Mikey is, in a way, again placing the blame for his actions somewhere else. At the same time we have the point where all this craziness actually started; Mikey being the avenger, cleaning up after his pathetic brother that he so desperately does NOT want be like.

But he knew it now. He was going to die, in this cramped bedroom with the faded posters on the wall and the stupid fucking TMNT sheets on the bed. This wasn't how he was supposed to die! Is it dumb that I’m kinda still waiting for a miracle to happen here? I feel so bad for Frank, who’s still just INNOCENT as he sits there, vomiting and bleeding and crying and all. I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to die that way.

Despite the fact that it was, mildly speaking, not a happy ending, I love how you solved it. I loved the use of the “Die Die My Darling” lyrics, it fit perfectly. And also that it ended with Frank screaming, as opposed to “his screams ended when Mikey brought the axe down” or something like that. It’s a perfect ending which could have suited a great horror movie.

And you dedicated this to me and my rambling comments?? Ohmygod, my heart practically swelled. Thank you so much, and more importantly, thank you for writing this. Don’t ever stop sharing your talent with us <3

(lol I'm just gonna say that after reading the pouty lips-description of Gerard I was thinking that he does have pretty lips, right before Frank said it to him, and then he actually said it and I was facepalming a little at myself because I kinda felt like a creep. But what else is new.)

Okay. Not facepalming at this story though. Mikey totally scared me at the first appearance. Like, you have this horror movie or something where there's one character who just keeps talking like nothing's even happened (hi, Frank), but everybody else (Gerard + us readers) can see that's something's definitely wrong. And then there's Mikey’s creepy smile and you’re just like… D:

I like the additional sentence in the parenthesis, which was disturbing, followed by the innocence that is Frank. Like, AND FRANK KEEPS GRINNING. lol what the hell, how dense is he, you just wanna jump in there and beat some sense into him. And it's so great because you have Mikey, who I'm just plain scared of; Frank, who is blissfully oblivious; and Gerard, who actually seems to be terrified - and you get it across very well. I'm buying it, it's also all very fitting, in a strange way.

The room fell into a deceptive peacefulness - yikes. I get this atmosphere.

Ohmygod. Okay. Taking Gerard's cigarette out of his mouth like that was a very… dominant move. I love it, because it was a very likely move as well. It just goes well with the way he's actually behaving and the general vibe he's giving off. On a sidenote, he would make a great bad guy in a thriller/horror, come to think of it. He can pull off evil. *nods*

Not sure why I'm smiling right now though; I think it's because I can imagine hysterical Gerard and psycho Mikey all too well. It's this horror mixed with delight kind of feeling. I also really love that Mikey goes from ”Go-get-it-Gerard” scary to ”Compassionate-but-the-rest-of-us-aren't-buying-it” scary - and also for the fact that I actually understand how Gerard can agree. "I won't make you watch this time if you go get it." I mean, the "If you do this for me, I'll let you off easy" fake compromise thing, added a weak personality like Gerard's here - I can see how that would work.

Mikey merely smiled and patted him on the shoulder - "There's a good boy". Haha, I like that a lot. Also, he had two options: sleeping with someone else as revenge for getting cheated on, or just kill the cheater. It's not like you can even compare the two, which just goes to show Mikey's fucked up reasoning. Great job :) I can also sense this need to protect his brother, and Gerard being the somewhat unwilling recipient of that protection.

I love that last line! Scary as hell, funny when taken out of context, but perfectly believable in this story. And it's great when you can finally use a line you've been itching to use it for ages, isn't it? Haha XD Okay, I've already written half an essay and it's not exactly constructive… Anyway, I'm subscribed because I def want to know how this ends. Nicely done!

I must say you did a fantastic piece. The banner is awesome and the layout is simple. But I love both. Some bits in the story I did get mixed up in but slowly I got back on track as I kept reading. I adore the last line. Leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next. Great work. :)