Senseless, Really - Comments

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I'll admit I've had my own problems with suicide. Reading this made me remember why I didn't go through with it.
I feel like you went and explained to everyone in some gigantic speech that suicide only ruins what what could have been, even though it's simply a letter format short story about One's own self conscious sort of yelling at the self. That's what made it beyond unique, and it made me... feel, for lack of a better word.

It was beautifully written with no errors, but something that frustrated me was the simple mention of the last thought, but without saying what it was. I feel like if you would have added that in there, it would have made the story a little more relatable - the character a little more relatable.

But other than that, this was perfect.

The layout is simple, stunning, and it's perfect for the story. Literally. There isn't one that would be better.

The writing itself is brilliant. You pulled off the 2nd person narration very well and that is something I haven't seen many people do. The way how it was almost a letter to herself was clever and the suicide method fairly creative.

"You could have become a writer. You could have lived in that crap apartment you always wanted with a comic store down the street and punk music blaring from the house next door. You could have had that. You could have fallen in love with him."

This line is particularly impressive. It gives so much insight into the character and it makes you think about people who've committed suicide and what could have been their lives, which I personally think is pretty powerful stuff.

Thank you for writing this.

I came across this after I read your Remus Lupin story and I thought this was brilliant. I thought it was well written and inspiring. I thought this was great

That was beautiful. I really, really loved this. The flow was great, the style was impecible, everything was just wonderful.

'Your last thought, it was beautiful. And Patty, you could have had that, you know. It could have happened.'

I LOVED THAT LINE! I don't see what it's about really... does she do something and dies? or... I don't know. Maybe you should message me and tell me lol! GREAT WRITING THO!

love the background!!
the story's great in second person :)
i'm hooked on it :D
keep up the good work!!!!!!!!

This was simply amazing.
I actually like second person and I like how it was talking to the reader but then towards the end it switched to it being the narrator kind of writing a letter to herself. I thought this was extremely powerful, it actually gave me the chills.

In your fantasies you can wake up whenever you want and be alive. In real life you don't have that option. Once it's done, it's done. You die.

I really like how you put this, it's the straight on truth and it's hard to read but I like how you fit it in there. Going into detail of what her future would've been like is a very nice touch. I think it definitely shows hope. I have been dealing with depression for exactly 324 days and this was very very eye opening.
Overall, great job :)

Though I'm not really huge on stories told in second person, I thought this was brilliant. I really enjoyed the intensity of the narrative, and though your word usage was varied, this wasn't a difficult or tedious read. My only suggestion as far as constructive criticism goes, as one of the commenters above mentioned, I was also a little confused by the ending and as to whom the narrator was addressing, whether it was an introspective suicide letter or a warning to a friend, so I would try to make that a little clearer in the writing.

I did think that this piece had amazing flow; all the sentences ran into each other so naturally and effortlessly. It's a short piece, but it's effective in its conciseness. I feel that if it were any longer, it would feel as if it were dragging on and wouldn't serve its purpose as well.

Anyways, this was definitely a good read =)

I love this. It is absolutely riveting. When I started reading this, I thought it have something to do with suicide. Your look into suicide is very interesting and realistic. I'm completely against suicide though. I love the idea that its a note to herself because I've never seen it done.

Good job! <3

Okay, I type as I read and I must say, even though your summary just consists of one word, it immediately just made me want to read the story.

Damn, you've written one very powerful story. I normally don't like stories written in second person but you've taken it and weaved it into a story that is so intricately well-written and you could just feel the emotions leaping off the page.

You immediately captured my attention with the first line. Whilst reading on, I realised the story was about suicide and I love your interesting insight on suicide, it's extremely realistic and this is what I pretty much imagine suicidal people going through. Your sentences were powerful, were meaningful and really gave us an insight of what the person is going through.

So, I reached the end and the ending is really abrupt. I then realised that it sounded like the writer is actually talking to herself, so it's kind of like a suicide note? But except she's dead, haha. But again, this was a really well-written, powerful piece and your writing skills are amazing, everything just flows well <3

Keep up the fab job.

It eats at your brain and you fantasize about it the way teenagers fantasize about sex.

That's an amazing way to describe anything, haha.

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This is a really interesting insight on suicide. I've talked to suicidal people before, trying to talk them down, and this is what I was thinking on the inside.
Well, not the specific details enclosed, but I was thinking of the basic concept.
So good for you, making it realistic!

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What you are leaving behind and how many people will hate you for this, will cry and hurt and still have to be alive with you dead.

That line, more specifically the last part - still have to be alive with you dead - really touched my heart. It's really straightforward and raw.

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And I loved how it was sort of written in letter format, but it wasn't revealed until the end.
Ending it with, See you soon, me. was really abrupt and left me thinking.

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Going back a little ways in the story, I noticed the line: In your fantasies you can wake up whenever you want and be alive. In real life you don't have that option. Once it's done, it's done. You die.

Gosh, that just tackles suicide head-on. It really does. I think a lot of people who consider committing suicide forget that it's indeed permanent. You can't undo it.

Overall, this is an amazing story :)

You are a brilliant writer! The first line made me absolutely and insanely fall in love with it.
The banner made me think before I got to reading it, then when I found out she was traveling to her death, I fell in love again.

I think this is an incredible story. :]

You had me hooked from the first line! "You think about it all the time. It eats at your brain and you fantasize about it the way teenagers fantasize about sex." Beautiful!
I absolutely adore your writing style! It's catchy and has an awesome feel to it.
I thought you portrayed emotion perfectly. There was never a single moment where I thought, "well, this isn't really believable. i don't buy that." I bought everything, everything single word. And the concept is so creative! "See you soon, me."...I thought that was brilliant, a perfect ending.
This is really an incredible story and I enjoyed every word of it! You have a gift :)

First of all, I realy liked the short description. It just made me want to read the story. I love the picture, I think it went well with the story and the short description. Your words flowed together very nicely, and I liked that. I loved how you left me wondering, like "Who is "me" writing to?" and it was very well done. Wonderful job :)

I love the power and wit behind it, Like you see the picture and you're like, Oh that's pretty I wonder what the story behind that is. And that's what you gave me. I HATE when the story has NOTHING to do with the picture but you're does! It's a perfect begining!! I'm totally hooked now. I wanna know what's happening, who is me, why is she saying this now. I really hoe you continue this story, because it means so much to me.
My best friend just comitted suiside. He was the most beautiful person I knew. He had so much going for him, but one day, something happened to him, and he just, ended it. And the said thing was, I never got to say goodbye. He just txted me Goodbye one night and later I got a call that he was gone. And I loved him. I was the only one who truly cared about him and everyday I wake up feeling just, empty.
I hope you write more.
Thank you :)

I really like the image you put at the beginning. It really adds to the effect of the end of the story. I think this story was really well written, and I love how you made it a letter about the person killing themself. I love how you describe what the person was feeling through the letter. It seemed to be a letter to herself, almost like a suicide note she wrote just for herself. I may be looking too much into it, but I really think that helps add to the story. This was so well written, and I love the emotion in it. Wonderfully done.

Whoa, I was really caught off gaurd when I realized this was a story written in the first person, I thought it was written in the third person. Anyway, I'm really feeling the title, it just has a nice aura about it, I like it. Layout is clean, easy to read, veeery good.

The actual content of this story was excellent. The immense amount of emotion packed into this is extraordinary, because they are all portrayed so beautifully. My favorite line in this definitely has to be the opening line, because it just felt so raw and real to me.

The only critique I have, is the same as the one above. I bet you'd get a boat load of more readers interested if you had a more descriptive summary, even though I kinda like the brief one word summary, but some people may want a bit more insight on the story before they ride.

wow that was amazingly beautiful
normally I don't read stories like that
but was a beautiful exception
I'm not a very deep and meaningful person most of the time but ..... wow

I like it :) I love how the explains what this person is feeling. I love how you explain what happened. Most of all, the beginning is amazing. The only advice that I can offer is to add a little more descriptive summery, especialy if you are going to make this story longer. :) Keep on writing. Also please forgive my spelling, I do not have spell check on this page.

I'm so sorry this is a late comment swap. My internet tried to kill me again.

I'm almost speechless, seriously. This is just beautiful, so very beautiful. You should get this published, it might help out a lot of kids today. It's really inspiring too. I'm stuck on words here so I'm going to start from the begining to the end.

The discription made me want to read it, just that one word made me want one. No to even add the picture, it's not much at all. The picture is just a picture but it has a thousand words. You made the perfect story, for that picture. At first i'll admit I was uneasy, because I thought it would be a romance, because so many one-shots are.

Not this, you blew my mind on this. Each sentence made me go deeper in the story, the first words were perfect. My favorite however was this line, "You won't have eyes to see or a mouth to scream because you won't have a body. You have nothing when you're dead." This is a perfect line, it sums up the whole story but in a good way. I enjoyed reading this seriously.

Normally stories like this are pointless to me but this is a fact. I love that. Seriously you need to think about posting this somewhere big, it will help a lot of people out. Thank you for having a great way with words. This was amazing :)