Your intro sounds very interesting and naturally it sounds more of a prologue than a chapter so you can take the story any direction. I'd love to see where it goes but it becomes very simplistic and confusing in your writing style. It sounds more like a list than a story so be sure to combine sentences and add some detail in there. As a writer it's your job to capture the audience's attention and really express everything that's going on to help them fall in love with the story. I really liked it though and I can't wait to see where it leads. I still have to work on my writing tremendously so please don't hate me.
June 29th, 2011 at 09:02pm