That was definitely too long. It could pass for an essay. Oh gosh...
July 3rd, 2011 at 04:50pm
I have no idea why there are no comments for this story yet. It is amazing! The plot is well-created. The idea of an apocalypse itself isn't all that new; however, you put an interesting twist on it and made it original and fascinating. The characters also bring a lot to the story. Ciro (cool name, btw) is evidently a unique character as he seem to see past the fake structure of society and into its flaws. However, this special characteristic was so delicately put that it wasn't blatant and did not make him seem too "hero-like", if I may. Hani is an interesting character as well. He definitely does not seem the type to save the world; instead, going almost mainstream with the rest of society except for a few little (and funny) quirks. It'll definitely be fascinating to see how Ciro is going to start a riot with a dubious sidekick.
And, the best for last (aaah, I can't believe I'm still not doonnne). My absolute favorite part of your story (though they are all extremely good) is by far your writing style. It is oddly hilarious to read (not so that there are jokes, but the way Ciro describes things; for example, when he first heard of the Explosion of Ends or how the idea became popular because a few students wanted to get a good mark). It makes it a lot easier and more amusing to read, compared to other stories with formats like "I did this. Then I did this. Then I said this". It is quite a difficult ability to attain, and here I usually babble on about talent and stuff. However, I'll restrain from that as there are people who achieved this skill through hard work. Nevertheless, consider yourself very envied upon (a lot by me; darn, can you transfer some of your skills cyberly? ;P ).
Oh, one last thing. You seem to have put a gross amount of effort into creating the society itself. There are a huge amount of details, such as the districts, Leaders and the three-letter abbreviations I just can't remember. This is quite the double-edged sword. It is very good in the way that it creates a 3D perception of the society and helps highlight the way society works in that everything is controlled by the Leaders. On the other hand, readers like me who possess no more than a handful of brain cells would get confused in some places. I tend to slide over them and there aren't that many such places, but it's still a good thing to keep in mind. Though personally, it doesn't get in the way of your awesome plot and writing style (the latter is so good, it makes me sniffle in jealousy).
Keep updating! And I apologize for the...gigantic....comment. ^-^"