Hokeo - Comments

What drew me into this story and made me want to read it, was the last line. It's truly beautiful, and I'm really interested in seeing how it changes in my perspective as I read the story and fit it into context, aha.
You can set the setting really, really well. Immediately after reading the first paragraph, I had a nice, detailed mental image in my head. I liked how you mentioned the repetition of her actions - watching the stars and sitting in the hammock - I felt like it helped the reader understand how much Lilo was struggling, especially after the second paragraph/single sentence. That holds a lot of impact there.
I think everyone has done what Lilo did - swing in the hammock (or in other people's cases a swing) and watch the stars move. However, I've never seen anyone right about that experience. You did a really magnificent job here; the description is absolutely beautiful, pure perfection.
When the hair strands fell in front of Lilo's view, I wanted to swipe them away. That ultimate switch was done very well - you could really sense the emotion just slapping itself back onto her. Once again, I love the connection of the stars to her live.
At this point, I'm really curious as to why Lilo feels the way she does, and what incident caused her to have these attacks. The tension and panic that arises is audible quite honestly.
But emotions... How can you focus on feeling something that may not even be there? I really, really love this line. Actually, I loved the whole paragraph, but this line was just amazing!
Back to the last line. It holds even more impact, in context. It's still amazingly beautiful. You have some real talent, and I look forward to seeing where this goes! :)

:D Yay, special mentioning. <3 I was happy to help. And remember O-hana (SP) means family and family means no one gets left behind. <3 Yea, I just love that saying. Anyways, I loved the layout and the banner. They seemed to compliment each other so well and like always, your writing style beautiful.You taught me a new hawaiian word, so yay for that too! ^.^ I can't read to read more, Ghostie. :3

The girl in the picture on the story layout is incredibly pretty. c: Like, naturally pretty, and almost wild, in a way. Must be all that hair that surrounds her shoulder. I like it.

What I'm not loving is how the body colors goes against the flowers in the background. A cream color with green and pink and white flowers do not fit well together. And the green on the cream color made it hard for my eyes to adjust. And I need glasses, which I'll be eventually be getting, so that was not good for my sight. Perhaps change it a little bit?

I loved the detailing, it was just perfect. <3 It truly was. You described everything so nicely, everything flowed like a current, precisely. Not too much, not too little. Better than mine, actually. Wonderful job at that.

I have to say that the idea you have here is quite unique. I don't think I've ever heard of a Lilo & Stitch fan-fiction before, and if there are more, then I'm just out of the loop. Again, you do create quite the interesting story. c: Be sure to keep it up. <3

-Luna