Falling is Easy - Comments

Everytime I read a chapter with Heath, I can't help but feel intensly for him.
You can see how much he cares for Mia, how much it's killing him to see her this way.
And you wish with all your might that you could help him.
But obviously, I can't because I'm not this story's author.

I'm so excited to see what's going to happen now that they're switched!
This has to be one of my favorite stories on the site so far, and I'm waiting in anticipation for more. :3

I only read the first two chapters, but this story gave me the chills. Your writing style is something very unique and one I haven't really read before. You talk in third person omniscient and I like how at the end you add this little tid bit of information that the characters don't know but what we do know. I'm starting to like Mia a little more than Ailyn and I'm extremely curious as to what is going to happen with Heath. I'm intrigued because I want to know why she still stays at the hospital and now that Mia and Heath are there I don't think she'll ever leave. I'm subbing!

I love the fact that Ailyn guides Mia on what to do now that she's dead. She uses her experience and knowledge to help her, rather than harm her, showing again how human and compassionate she continues to be. (Which I think I mentioned I love. But in case I haven't, I love that quality in her. :3)

The part where Mia accuses Ailyn of making her a ghost is wonderfully done! Too many times, it seems that people just accept right off the bat that they're dead. It's way more real this way. In fact, I'd probably react exactly the same way, if I was in that situation.

PLOT TWIST!
I loved it so much! The whole idea that Ailyn is now in Mia's body, I can't wait to see what happens next. :3

OKAY THIS IS ME FINALLY COMMENTING sorry for taking so long D:.

the layout is very pretty.

WOAH SHE'S DEAD? okay i'm gonna like this story. I sound a few grammatical errors, but other than that this is a very good story, well written.

in the second chapter, i feel like you were rushing through the conversation between them, and there isn't enough detail about those two. and i feel like the same thing for chapter three, it seems like you're just rushing it, rambling through it instead of taking your time. :x

i enjoyed it, i think i'll sub.

I like all the chapters, but I love the ones with Ailyn. :3

It's very unique, what you've done with her and her perspective.
Alot of people write that ghosts choose to be seen, but I like the fact that she can't be seen except by those about to die. It's an original concept.

And I love her compassion and fury over what the stranger is going to do to the girl.(I have a theory...)
You've kept her so human. She hasn't lost that aspect.
Another marvelous update!
I can't wait to see what happens next. =D

Heath's emotion in this chapter is absolutely palpable. You can feel it right along with him. His distress and worry is all so real.
I also love his initial mistrust of the doctor.
You write your characters with such a natural, relatable feel. I'm envious.

Hmmmm the doctor's daughter....
The wheels have started turning in my brain about her.
I love trying to figure out what might come next and then reading the chapters.
I can't wait for the next one!

I just loved this, I really did.
The prologue was a great start to a story and explain everything about Ailyn, but not about what happened to her. In chapter one it is about Mia, who is in hospital as well. Ailyn could be connected to that accident or whilst Mia is in hospital she could start seeing Ailyn.
I really don't know where this story is going and that is one reason why I love it.
Subscribing! <3
xox

I liked the idea:) But I mostly don't read these kinda stories or whatever. I really liked the layout, but the only thing is I don't think the background really work with it. :) The writing's amazing, you tell it perfectly. And I LOVED THE PREFACE! it got my really hooked.

You captured the shock of waking up in a hospital bed perfectly! She wasn't under-whelmed by the experience, but she wasn't hysterical either. Just shocked because she didn't remember initially.

I like that you used a car crash. A traumatic aevent , but a fairly normal type of traumatic event. Not too out of the ordinary...
Yet there maybe something more to Mia and what happened to her brain because of the crash.

I'm already hooked on this and can't wait to learn more about Mia and Ailyn and how their stories mesh.
=D

First things first, your layout is absolutely beautiful!

Okay, now on to the story. I don't think there was any better way to possibly start of this story! It was perfect! The twist at the end of the prologue was really what made me wonder what was going on, and that pushed me on to the next chapter.

I'm glad it did, the next chapter seemed to have a lot of interesting and realistic imagery and dialogue without dragging it out. Great job!

I really liked this. I don't usually read originals, they sometimes bore me, but you have a great technique and style with your writing. I can't wait to read more!

The layout has some really beautiful pieces on its own, but together I think that the banner, background and side bar kind of clash. I don't really like the little side bar thingie anyway. But the banner is absolutely gorgeous (:

It's a personal opinion, but I like summaries that remind me of something that I'd read on the back of a book. I think that your summary is a lot like that, and it gives a good amount of information about the story in a way that's not completely in your face or too telling.

Prologue

"She studied her reflection in the shiny, reflective surface of the elevator doors taking in her dark brown eyes and long dark brown hair as well as her pink and white polka-dotted dress and sandals." - I love long, overly descriptive sentences like this. They really paint a scene that's easy to picture and give a nice flow to the story.

"I thought so." She said triumphantly - This seems to be a really common mistake on Mibba, but it's really easily fixed. With dialogue, whenever you're writing a he said or she said, there's a comma at the end of their sentences and then the he or she would not be capitalized. So, for instance, this sentence should look like this: "I thought so," she said triumphantly...

I love the suspense that is created at the end of the prologue when you find out that Ailyn is dead. Usually the twist doesn't come for some time, but the abruptness of this one makes me want to keep reading just so I can find out how she died, why she's still around and what's going to happen in the rest of the story. It's great(:

Chapter one
The sound of muffled breathing echos in her ears; the sound of a heart monitor following after. - There should be a comma instead of a semi colon after "ears".

My favorite part about this chapter was the way that you paint the hospital room and Mia's hazy attitude after her accident. You're very good with imagery, and it's easy to see her lying in her hospital bed with an uneasy expression on her face when she wakes up.

One thing that I noticed a lot in this chapter was tense switches. Sometimes the verbs are in the present tense (like in the first paragraph: The sound of muffled breathing echos...), but eventually they switch to the past tense ("Heath..." She whispered) and back again. I know it's difficult to stick with one tense at times, but rereading should let you fix that pretty easily (:

I love the pessimistic little sentence at the bottom of the chapter. It really sets the mood for what's to come. I think this is a great start to your story and wish you luck with the rest of it!

I love the layout. It's absolutely gorgeous. The background and the banner are absolutely beautiful.

I love the summary. It's so great. It gives enough away, but not too much. Well done.

The prologue was really intriguing. It was the perfect way to start it off. That was amazing. It left me wondering what happened to the girl and what she was still doing at the hospital. What an excellent beginning.

Ooh, I'm wondering what happened to Mia. I'm wondering if Ailyn had something to do with the accident this other girl was in. I'm excited to see where this goes next.

This is a really great start to the story, and I can't wait to see what happens!

I love the layout, it's so pretty and I already just want to read it because of the pretty layout. The colours, banner, font, background just all work together, really lovely job <3

I really like the summary, the cry for help definitely draws me in! The rest of it is also good, it doesn't give too much detail yet gives enough that the reader is compelled to read more and they get a basic idea of what the story is about. :)

Omg, the first chapter definitely is full of mystery and intrigue. As soon as you mentioned Ailyn is dead, people immediately start questioning things like, "Why is she dead?" "What happened?" blah blah and they want to read more. :D

Ooh, why do I get the feeling Ailyn had something to do with the accident? ;o But I liked this chapter, it explains why Mia is in hospital and I love the descriptions in this chapter, the reader is able to easily imagine the descriptions. :3

I really like this, your writing and grammar and shizz is great! Good job, I'm subscribing :3

OF COURSE THERE'S A MALE CHARACTER THAT HELPS HER AND SHIT.

When I saw Heath, I thought Heath Ledger. Or was it Keith Ledger? I'll find out NEVER. Okay, I'm going to go look it up now.

I WAS SO RIGHT IT WAS HEATH.

Anyways, I really like this chapter. It tells us why Mia's in the intensive health care unit and gives a bit of an insider in her past.

I have a feeling I might not like Mia for some reason. I don't know why. But Heath...

He's alright in my books.

UPDATE SOON? :D

Ahhh I love this story already. It seems like a horror(because of the ghost but I'm probably really wrong). BLAME ME FOR NOT LOOKING AT THE GENRES.

Anyway, I like this Ailyn chick. She's dead and haunting the hospital though I do wanna know how she died. There's a bigger story than just dying at a hospital.

I'm not to fond of the layout because it doesn't really match with the banner. Its like grey and blue. The banner actually catches my eye first rather than the layout :/ I could make you a new layout? :D Did this offend you in anyway? I'm sorry D:

Anyway, I'm definitely subbing.
Update soon :3 <3

"One simple sentence, one pleading remark made by a desperate person changes everything."
This sentence created instant interest for me.
Actually, I found your entire summary created great interest. =) Which is hard sometimes, (for me, at least) Because you want to give it intrigue and suspense, without giving away too much about the story.

I love your use of description as you talk about the hospital. It puts you right there, amongst the nurses and doctors running back and forth. The friends and family of patients standing still in the lobby. You can see the sterile whiteness of the walls.
I even started to recall the smell of hospitals.

And your description of Ailyn gave me a really good picture of her in my head, even though the description wasn't long or drawn out.
That little bit was well-done enough that I could clearly see her.

"No one notices her; no one hears her. People stopped seeing and hearing her the day she arrived at the hospital." Reading that sentence makes me very curious to learn about Ailyn and how she ended up in the hospital as well as why she is trapped there.

I like this alot already!
It's going on my "watch" list and I'm subscribing just so I remember to check it.
=)