This is really great dude, it's something alot of people lack in writing, the darker side of stories, instead of happy endings, and I absolutely loved it.
August 4th, 2011 at 01:14pm
So, this is my review for the contest:
I really liked it - like you said, it was a very dark story. It was definitely intriguing, and I really wanted to find out what happened to the characters, even though I was also pretty scared of how the situation might turn out.
I liked the countdown bit. The numbers counting down from ten, combined with short, sharp sentences, created lots of tension and a really good atmosphere.
On the whole, it was reasonably well written, although I did notice a few grammar mistakes, mostly to do with tenses. Sometimes, the past and present tense got a bit mixed up. I also noticed one or two spelling mistakes. There were a few descriptions that I wasn't so keen on (I think one of them was the child re-doing a parents' house; I'm not sure it really fitted with the dark mood of the rest of the scene, but that's just down to personal preference.) Then again, there were also some very good descriptions in there.
The story definitely fit well with the lyrics, and I could clearly see the link. I also liked the layout too. Overall, very good. :)
