There Is No Dream - Comments

4,200 words and 20 minutes well spent.

Your work was so well constructed and conducive to the imagination that I forgot that the story was fiction. As I read, "Mary" became just label for the female main character as any other name would've worked seeing how finely and realistically she appears in the story. As the story progressed, the scenes came to me in an almost monochrome color, true to what the world seems to be when one is feeling intense sadness. I felt emptiness as Mary would feel it, assuming emptiness itself could be felt.

I realized during my reading I was smiling not because the story was funny, (although the part where Braxton says: “Come on, you know that’s bullshit, they let you out because you don’t have health insurance.”—that was hilarious) but because I was curious as to the actions of the characters and the consequences that followed that eventually led to a satisfying end.

Have you considered increasing the rating? I know some 13 year olds, and this would not be appropriate for them, you know?

BTW your title matches the start of your story so well. :(

The description is usually the one thing that I rely on for whether or not I'm going to read a story. Usually they're longer, but yours has actually intrigued me based on its shortness. I like that it's a one-shot (basically a short story) with a short description.

I like Mary. It's good to have a protagonist that people like, to keep them entertained and rooting for them (although, I always find I prefer writing the antagonist :P).

The thing about depression is that many people who are depressed are MUCH more interesting than happy-go-lucky people. Sure, the happy people have a "good" life, but the depressed people are those that you have the best conversations with and who have the most interesting thoughts. No, I wouldn't wish depression on anyone (especially just because I want to talk to more interesting people), but it is interesting that you caught this aspect so well.

I also like Ricky. Turning the lawn chairs to "judge" the neighbours who come to "steal the paper". Precious.

I like the way you set it out. A lot of one-shots are all one scene, all one thing happening. But you've spaced out a person's life in this one-shot. All of the scenes short, but all of them important and interesting :)

My favourite part was actually the opening paragraphs. So simple, but sort of...perfect :)

This was sad, and intelligent. I feel like these smilies I'm leaving are inappropriate...:/ Really well done, though :)

(This was more than 200 characters.....:P)