Invincible - Comments

One of the main things that jumped out at me with this story was how realistic it is. Your characters are so utterly believeable. They're not outcasts or stranger people or people who would be seen as weird in the school, like a lot of romance/school stories fall into. Cassie Kay is really smart and also believable, as are all of your other characters, no matter how major or minor. Simple things like the Mexican pizza trivia really add up to make this one of the most believable stories I've read online, and it's only the first few chapters. Your attention to detail is remarkable, and your characters are so three-dimensional. You should be really proud of this.

I really like your story! I'm intrigued to find out what happened between the two of them and how she will overcome her heartbreak :( I think it is very well written. I like when a story really gets into detail and you definitely nailed that part. I'm subscribing :)

I really like it. I don't know if that is how people talk to each other (in the beginning). I really like the song near the end and how it all ties together with the plot :)

I wasn't sure that I would like this when I got it in comment swap but I really do. I really like your characters and your dialogue is awesome. This is really realistic and doesn't seem forced at all which is hard do to do. Great job, I'm definitely going to be keeping my eye on this story.

This story is good, I like how you set it up; and the description for the story seems interesting. I can’t wait to see where you take this. The character interactions were good and your descriptions/emotions. Great writing, keep it up!

The summary definitely caught my attention so great job with that. As for the first chapter, I really like the way you set up the beginning of the story. I love when writers drop me right in the middle of the action or conversation. It really pushes me to read on to figure out what is happening. And as I read on, I could totally relate to Cassie when her boyfriend walked right past her without acknowledging her existence. Unfortunately, it happened to me before and my friends witnessed it, and I honestly said the same thing Cassie said. Because of this, that moment felt very real, and that’s what I like about this story. It feels very real and not forced at all.

Keep up the great writing. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do with it!

One thing I have a question about is this sentence you wrote:

…her perfectly white teeth accentuating her olive green skin tone as her eyes lit up

Maybe I’m not reading it correctly, but are you saying her skin is…green haha? Like Wicked Witch of the West green?

Other than that, fantastic work! I really enjoyed reading Invincible.

This was a really well written story so far. As other comments here have said I can't imagine where it'll go from here but I'll subscribe because you've got me seriously interested in a normally uninteresting situation. You style of writing is quirky and amusing which is hard to do and in my experience is a sign of a naturally talented writer. I enjoyed reading this and I hope you continue :)

I honestly cannot decide where this story is going so I'm not sure. However, it's very well written. You had a couple mistakes here and there; but Mibba never said anything about expecting perfection.

I enjoyed the emotions you made the character portray. It's was realistic; which I completely appreciated. It was realistic and nice, almost, to see her be in denial about Austin, because when a girl loves a guy and he starts doing that, it's very true that most are in denial that something's wrong and convince themselves that he didn't see them in the hallway or something. And it was great to read a story - one that was even just a chapter long - that had real emotions in it. Some writers that write teen drama tend to get so caught up in the drama that the story becomes incredibly unrealistic. To the point of unbearable. This was very nice to read. This story could be really powerful if written properly as you go on.

Good job. (:

The summary was great. It put me completely on track with what was happening, and flowed very nicely with the first (possibly only) chapter.

When I saw the title, I kinda expected something different. Maybe I misread or something, but I feel like you could include the title somewhere in the story.

I like the details, the Mexican pizza and particular-ness of the teachers. It's also very well written - I didn't see any grammatical errors, so that's nice.

I feel like Cassie Kay is a bit long for a nickname, and it's a bit strange that she wouldn't let her best friend call her Cass - but now I'm just picking at the little things.

Anyway. Great story. I think it'll be good whether you continue it or leave it as a one shot. :)

This was a pretty powerful sotry. I'm not sure if you planned on continuing it or not, but whether you do or don't is completely in the air for you. I read it as a one-shot and saw no problem with it being that way. I really liked how she had REAL emotions but tried so desperatly to hide them from everyone. It's a common sign of depression, and I'm glad you incorporated it into the story. The summary was majorly...painful, I guess. I could feel everything she felt, so I guess intense is probably a better word here. This was a fantastic story, and if you keep it up, good for you!